Steven Jobs? Yeah -- Jobs In China

Sometimes, I run the words together, and I say "Stevenjobsinchina." And sometimes, I like to leave a pause: "Steve Jobs ... in China.

Who was ever more unfortunately named than the recently unplugged head of Apple, the company that brought you the means to stand in line at the coffee shop while simultaneously fighting with your baby mama about back child support?

"All you ever want is child support," you're yelling into your iPhone, while the girl behind the counter makes you an iced hazelnut latte. "You're livin' the life, and I'm payin' for it."

"Damn," you say, cuttin' Baby Mama off and putting your iPhone back in your pocket.

The girl behind the counter hands you the coffee and smiles, showing one dead tooth. She must like strong men.

You will not be talking that coffee to your light assembly job at the Apple iPod, iPhone, iPad plant — or at least you won't be if your name is Wilson and you're living in St. Louis.

If your name is Chang and you're living in Shenzhen, you will be heading to a plant that makes iPods, but you probably won't have the latte, being that you can't afford one.

So pardon me for spoiling the sloppy eulogy of Steven Jobs in China, the man who, TV news never tires of telling us, "changed the world."

"Changing the world" means the guy invented a personal jukebox the size of a matchbook.

Oddly enough, while Steven Jobs in China changed the world, he did it by adhering to the one economic principle that never changes.

That principle says the best way to become wildly rich is to have your products manufactured by nearly enslaved people — if possible, peasants newly arrived in the city.

Push 'em around. Threaten 'em.

China may be a land of bad plumbing and stew-thick smog, but their government excels at beating and torturing anyone who might carp about bad wages and short food. The Chinese KNOW how to treat entrepreneurs who "create jobs."

No overregulation in that misery-soaked nation. China is the economic powerhouse Ohio would be if people in Ohio had more respect for slavery.

No "union thugs" in China. The thugs all work for the government. It's the kind of "workers' paradise" you want if you've never been a worker.

So, I'll pass on the orgy of weeping for Steven Jobs in China, who when you got right down to the barbed point of it, did more harm to his country than good.

This despite the fact that Steven Jobs in China had a lot of money, a universe of money. In America today, we love people with money. They are the last proof of The American Dream. It used to be that a guy who started out as a Mississippi sharecropper, then migrated to Detroit to build cars and buy a little two-bedroom house was proof of The American Dream.

Now we know how small-time that dream really was. Now we know that big money is the only money worth having, and we've discovered that everyone making, say, $10.50 an hour is a lazy clown who prefers being poor to being rich. Otherwise, why isn't he rich? This is America. Anyone can get rich.

And we know that the actual poor are scum, trash, entitlement-crazed, oversexed, near-monkeys who should be drug-tested whenever they leave the house and, dare we say it, sterilized and made to pay for their own sterilization.

I don't believe in reincarnation. I'm a Catholic.

But if I did, tomorrow morning, Steven Jobs in China would awaken in a workers' dorm in Shenzhen, hearing the urgent sound of the factory whistle.

Better get movin', Stevie. You don't want to be late. They punish you if you're late.

To find out more about Marc Munroe Dion and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit www.creators.com.

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