Save American Jobs: Invade South KoreaNot too many weeks ago, in the course of my newspaper job, I interviewed a scientist who assured me that, right now, North Korea doesn't own any kind of rocket big enough to put a nuclear warhead on top of the birdbath in my side yard. "But they'll get one," he said. Still, one suspects North Korea could do a fairly good job of crisping South Korea, even if they had to deliver the bomb by donkey cart. North Korea, like America, has a magnificently large military, which, like America, they maintain despite the fact that the rest of their country is sliding slowly back into the Middle Ages. North Korea has periodic famines that leave their citizens dead by the side of the road, but they've got plenty of money for their army, which, after all, is a point of national pride. American kids are wandering around Afghanistan with $5,000 worth of equipment on their backs, while, back home in Detroit, the city sinks slowly back into the prairie dirt. Of course, it's worse in North Korea than it is in America — at least right now. And North Korea, unlike numerous other poor countries, has never learned to grow dope. Countries that grow dope don't WANT to obliterate America, not if they want to keep the drug money coming. The poor North Koreans. They missed the point. Look at South Korea. They're not threatening to nuke Ohio, but they are shipping cars to America that drain jobs from Ohio. Unlike North Korea, South Korea does not have a magnificently large army.
The midsize Massachusetts city where I live hasn't been invaded by foreign troops since the Revolutionary War, but a Wal-Mart full of cheap crap from China established a beachhead here maybe 10 years ago. Al-Qaida can't hit us on the map with a handful of prayer beads, but China sucked nearly every manufacturing job out of the city over the last 20 years. Bear in mind, the Chinese and the South Koreans are our FRIENDS. You know how I know that? Because they told us they're our friends, which is nearly all it takes. Let's say North Korea didn't use nuclear weapons. Let's say they invaded South Korea, destroying all their steel mills, textile plants, electronics plants and car factories. If that happened, maybe guys with a high school education could get a factory job in Illinois. If the Chinese got involved, and American bombers were free to bomb Chinese industrial cities, maybe there'd be factory jobs in Ohio again. But this won't happen. This is just me dreaming again. Diplomacy will probably work. At least for now. At the very least, America will have to send maybe 30,000 more troops to South Korea because, like North Korea, America believes that the army has to be huge even if the rest of the country is walking to hell in worn-out shoes. Want too see blocks and blocks of war-devastated landscape? Go to Flint, Mich., where the war never stops, and there is no diplomacy, and the Army can't help. To find out more about Marc Munroe Dion and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit www.creators.com COPYRIGHT 2013 BY CREATORS.COM 
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