Occupy America With a Good Ad Campaign
The "tea" part of "tea party" stands for "taxed enough already."
Cute, no? Short words. No equivocation (big word). Best of all, "taxed enough already" is a good slogan for a nation used to chanting "Yankees suck" at ballgames.
You people doing this "Occupy America" thing need to remember "taxed enough already."
You're not doing bad so far. You're on Wall Street. You're outside banks. You're sleeping in the rain with the sidewalk for a pillow.
Now for the important stuff.
You can't just occupy America. You've got to sell even the dumbest, most slogan-happy, nearly illiterate American on the idea that you're doing the right thing.
So, the first thing you need to do is watch your wardrobe.
People who go to left-wing demonstrations are prone to wearing T-shirts that say stuff like "Imagine World Peace."
When you plan your next occupation, check everybody's T-shirts for slogans pertaining to peace, gayness or weird food ideas like an all-kale diet.
Pass out the NASCAR shirts. Pass out the National Rifle Association T-shirts. Make sure somebody's wearing an Ultimate Fighting T-shirt. Get a couple of Dallas Cowboys hats out there.
You want to make sure your demonstrations don't look like a pottery class at some snobbed-up East Coast university. Make sure they look like the Friday night crowd at a Walmart in Nebraska.
What we're looking for here is a way to connect ordinary Americans with the idea that guys in suits are raping them out of everything worth having.
Look at the tea party. Very successful movement. The people who show up at their rallies don't look like they bought their clothes at a campus shop that sells bongs and witty, ironic T-shirts. They look like they bought their clothes at Sears.
Here are a few more tips.
If you're going to go up against rich people, you're going to need a lot of patriotism.
Talk about "the will of the Founders," talk about "this great country," talk about "self reliance."
Talk about "the Greatest Generation."
"Is this what the Greatest Generation fought for?" you can say.
Sing. Sing "God Bless America." Sing "America the Beautiful." Don't sing anything that doesn't have the word "America" right up there in the title.
If you get union members to march with you, make sure they're NOT members of public-sector unions. No one gives a crap about unionized librarians in Delaware. Get some pipefitters out there. Get some longhaired, big-bellied, biker-looking ironworkers out there. Have 'em sing "God Bless America."
Simple words. Call bankers "thieves." Never call them anything else. Repetition becomes truth.
"These thieves are stealing America," you should say. "They're stealing people's houses and pensions. They're stealing America from our children."
"Heroes" — talk about "heroes."
"Our heroes in Iraq are going to come home to an America the Founders wouldn't recognize," you should say. "They're coming home to an America where thieves who hate America steal people's homes and pensions. They're stealing America."
Heroes. Homes. America. Hit it hard.
What the Occupy America movement has to do is steal America back from the right wing.
And they can't do it by looking like wussies. Right-wing radio talk show hosts and writers will eat you alive if you're running a peace-centered, weepy, bake-sale movement. They'll run from a strong, hollering, bankers-are-thieves, protest-takes-balls movement.
Here's the bottom line.
You turn on your television, and a protester in an "I Love Baby Unicorns," T-shirt is saying, "We just want to ask why this country doesn't have more compassion for the poor, for the unfortunate, for welfare mothers and illegal immigrants and ghetto black children who will never know the smell of daisies in a meadow."
You turn on your television and a fat guy in a "Red Sox Nation" T-shirt is saying. "Big business creates jobs? Yeah. For lobbyists and crooked-ass congressmen. My kid comes home from Iraq, and he gets a $9 an hour job in a Shoney's out on the highway. These people are stealing America! Drag 'em out of their offices, and make 'em work! Take America back!"
Who you gonna listen to?
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