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Lenore Skenazy
Lenore Skenazy
24 Apr 2014
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The Year 2009 in Carols

Comment

FROSTY THE (OUTSOURCED) SNOWMAN

Frosty the Snowman was a jolly, happy soul.

He worked every year

Spreading Christmas cheer

Till his job got shipped to Seoul.

Frosty the Snowman —

He's a part-time guy today,

Working weekend shifts

At some local drifts

For about one-third his pay.

He looks a little tragic

'Cause his old silk hat is gone.

And when he mutters to himself

No one wants him on their lawn.

Oh! Frosty the Snowman

Saw his job base melt away.

But officials say

It'll be OK;

He'll be back again someday! (As a snowball in Green Bay.)

WHOSE TEXTS ARE THESE? (to "Greensleeves")

Whose texts are these

To some dumb blonde

While wife and kids lay sleeping?

They say, "Hey, hon,

Wanna have some fun? P.S. These texts aren't for keeping."

This, this is Tiger's tale.

You can buy him now

At a fire sale.

He's leaving the golfing trail

To see if he's still married.

YOU (SENATORS) BETTER WATCH OUT

You'd better watch out. You'd better not cry.

You'd better shut up. I'm telling you why:

Lieberman is mulling his vote.

He's making a choice.

He's changing it twice.

Did he just say he thinks Cheney is nice?

Lieberman is mulling his vote.

There's days when he swings lib'ral.

There's days when he swings right.

There's days when he points to his rear

And tells both sides, "Take a bite."

Oh, you'd better watch out.

You'd better heap praise.

You don't like his choice? Just wait a few days.

Lieberman is mulling his vote.

BECK THE HALLS

Beck the halls with Glenn so jolly.

Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la.

Call the health care plan pure folly.

Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la.

Rip Pelosi; make gay rights jokes.

Fa-la-la, la-la-la, la-la-la.

Say Obama hates all white folks.

Fa-la-la-la-la, Fox-lah-di-dah.

THE PARTY BASE SONG (to "We Need a Little Christmas")

We need a Sarah Palin

Right this very minute! Winkin' at the camera,

Betcha she can win it!

Yes, we need a Sarah Palin

Right this very minute.

Maybe she's a despot,

But, Santa dear, we're desperate!

So roll out the book tour.

Turn on the brightest smile Alaska's ever seen.

Don't call her "fruitcake."

It's time we voters bagged a moose on that campaign trail.

Sure she's grown to be a plateful,

Grown a little bolder,

Grown a tad ungrateful,

Grown a little older.

Still, we need a little something

Cuter than Rush Limbaugh.

Need a little Palin now!

For we need to win the next time,

Need to show Obama,

Need to give the folks a

Pistol-packin' mama! And we need a little snappy "happy ever after,"

Need a little Palin now!

Lenore Skenazy is the author of "Who's the Blonde That Married What's-His-Name? The Ultimate Tip-of-the-Tongue Test of Everything You Know You Know — But Can't Remember Right Now" and "Free-Range Kids: Giving Our Children the Freedom We Had Without Going Nuts with Worry." To find out more about Lenore Skenazy (lskenazy@yahoo.com) and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

COPYRIGHT 2009 CREATORS.COM



Comments

2 Comments | Post Comment
Funny stuff, Lenore!
Comment: #1
Posted by: Rufus Quail
Sat Dec 19, 2009 9:02 AM
Some of your columns are quite funny. And you're a voice of common sense and reason on the subject of parents overprotecting their kids. But when it comes to writing song parodies, let's just say you're no Weird Al Yankovic.
Comment: #2
Posted by: Scot Penslar
Sat Dec 19, 2009 7:10 PM
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