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Lenore Skenazy
Lenore Skenazy
17 Apr 2014
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The Busybody at Taco Bell

Comment

Usually, someone seeking advice from a newspaper columnist is desperate. (Not so desperate as a newspaper columnist herself, in a world where everything is going digital, but still, desperate.) That was definitely the tone of the letter I got the other day.

"Please tell me I'm not crazy," it began.

The note was from a mom of two who'd taken her kids — boy, 5, and girl, 3 — to dinner at the local Taco Bell. "I know," she wrote. "Classy."

We columnists don't judge. (Especially we columnists who love Taco Bell, second only to Wendy's, which we REALLY love.)

So the mom's at the restaurant, and her son has to go to the bathroom. Off he goes, and the mom awaits him. When he still isn't back after what seems like a rather long time, she leaves the 3-year-old at the table in a highchair for a sec to go see what's up with the boy. Turns out he needs a little help, and what she thought was going to be a 30-second absence ends up being two minutes.

Two stinkin' minutes. But that proved to be more than enough time for the woman at the next table to light into her when she got back. "You shouldn't have left her!" the lady cried, pointing at the 3-year-old. The mom explained she'd needed to check on her son. "Then you should have taken her with you. You are so irresponsible! Anyone could have walked in here and just taken her!"

The mom looked her in the eye and asked, "You would have let someone take my kid?"

The busybody was taken aback but rebounded robustly: "I could have called (Child Protective Services) on you! I SHOULD have called CPS on you! You don't deserve to have your kids!"

And that, I believe, is the sentence that led the mom to write to me for validation.

Had she really done something so terrible? Had she put her child in jeopardy?

The answer is, unequivocally, no. The child was not in any danger, and the shrieker herself proved it; angry and obnoxious though she was, she was nonetheless sitting there, watching the child. Not that most kidnappers spend their days casing the local taco joint on the off chance that some child will be unattended for two whole minutes and therefore ever so easy to snatch, screaming and kicking, from in front of the entire staff and all the other diners.

But even if that were how the world worked (which it's not), why didn't the busybody choose to see herself as part of the safety net that looks after our kids rather than as part of the shame brigade? Why jump down the mom's throat instead of winking, "We all have days like that. I remember when my kids were young. It's always something!"

What I fear is that the bond of parental understanding has been replaced by the knee-jerk idea that if a parent isn't perfect, punishment via the government must be summoned. Do we really want to involve the cops, courts and child protective services in everyday matters such as this?

Lately, it seems we do. What we're forgetting is life is messy, and if parents had to be perfect for our species to survive, we'd be on display at the Museum of Natural History as a quaint, extinct (and often rude) species.

Instead, we're at Taco Bell, harried and hungry for a little human kindness. That's something I like at least as much as I do the beefy five-layer burrito.

Lenore Skenazy is the author of "Free-Range Kids: How to Raise Safe, Self-Reliant Children (Without Going Nuts with Worry)" and "Who's the Blonde That Married What's-His-Name? The Ultimate Tip-of-the-Tongue Test of Everything You Know You Know — But Can't Remember Right Now." To find out more about Lenore Skenazy (lskenazy@yahoo.com) and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

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Comments

2 Comments | Post Comment
You are wrong on so many counts here.

This was not a case of the mother being in plain sight across room. She was in a room, with door closed with 5 year old son, while her 3 year old daughter was left alone in a restaurant in a highchair, and you and mom think the other diner was a busybody and should have just minded her own business?

Or even more astounding, that the observer had some type of duty to watch the little girl?

Yes, she did something terrible, and someone should call CPS, as who knows how many other times she leaves kids alone.

I would never ever have left my kids alone like this, too many things can happen in the 2 minutes, (and highly doubt it was only 2 minutes for that matter) the little girl could have choked, tipped chair over, or been taken. And I was raising kids in 70's, so I am not of the current helicopter generation.

I am however of the generation that thought about the consequences of my actions, and tried to keep them as safe as I could. Leaving this little girl alone, in this setting was child neglect, and one of the stupidest things I've ever heard of, just under the stupidity of you, who are supposed to be an educated person, with insight into the world and how it works.

For that matter? She should NOT have let the boy go to bathroom alone either.

And when one or both of her kids are kidnapped? She will be all over news crying about what a good mother she is.
Comment: #1
Posted by: Melanie Rowley
Sun Feb 17, 2013 11:14 AM
I have to wonder if this mother left her purse, money, debit/credit cards, etc on the table along with her unattended child while she went off to tend to her other unattended child? Seems a lot to assume that the others in a public place would be the ones to assume responsibility for what she was responsible for. Too bad she wanted her ears tickled by the messenger who bothered to tell her the truth.
Comment: #2
Posted by: Linda Reiley
Tue Feb 19, 2013 6:38 AM
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