Opinion> Lenore Skenazy> Now We Need Instruction In What

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Now We Need Instruction in What?!

Among all the do-it-yourself sites on the Web, here's a doozy I just found: How To Write Letters to Camp. Yes, TO camp. It's for parents. Apparently, all you (the parent) have to do is master five simple steps, including how to start your letter. Lucky for us, the website features three different greetings you might consider: "Dear Michael." "Hi Mikey!" "Hey kiddo!"

Phew! I had no idea how to start a letter to my own kid. Now I do.

And here's a sample letter the site gives:

"Yesterday the weather was sunny in the 80s. Dad and I woke up at 7 and walked the dog. Dad went off to work and got home at about 7. Your grandparents came over (they look great and say hello by the way) and we all went to that new Italian restaurant on Main Street. We enjoyed the shrimp scampi...."

Parents need this kind of instruction because otherwise ... what? They accidentally might write an INTERESTING letter? Or is the problem that they can't possibly think of anything to say to their kids? Parents need someone TELLING them what is APPROPRIATE to say in a letter and reminding them that they'd better do it RIGHT? Heaven forbid they write a less than supportive, chatty, funny DAILY note and their kid never recovers from the shock and disappointment of a sub-par letter.

I know that this is an upbeat site just trying to spread a little cheer, and I really don't want to dump on it. The guy running it sounds delightful; I'm sure his kids got great mail at camp. But the fact that there are pages and pages of instructions on what to INCLUDE in a letter — jokes! questions! encouragement! — and how to FRAME a family anecdote and how to LET our kids KNOW WE CARE is one of the things that drive me crazy about our society today — the idea that we need EXPERT ADVICE on simply being parents.

The idea that there is a right way and a wrong way to "relate" to our kids. The idea that even the simplest of daily activities is now a major challenge that we shouldn't attempt before consulting a reference site and that once we've studied up, we must work on perfecting the activity, lest we fall short and "cheat" our kids out of a teachable, incalculably valuable moment. (And don't get me started on the fact that the blog also suggests we add an "SAT word of the day." No — do NOT get me started.)

Somehow we have taken every aspect of parenting and pulled it apart into tiny sub-parenting particles to examine and refine and fret about. When really, folks, it's a letter to camp. You get out a sheet of paper, and you say hi. Then you drop it in the mail. (You remember mail, right?) You can do it without an advanced degree. You can do it without inserting the best possible joke or story. You even can do it without the site's "fill-in-the-blank" template for parents to copy if they REALLY can't think of anything to say, including my favorite line: "Whatever you did, we're very, very proud of you for trying!"

Yup, whatever gosh darn thing you did — oh, you killed a mosquito? — we are bursting with parental pride.

But you know what, parents? I believe in you, too. Can you write a letter to your child at camp? Hey, parent-o, yes, you can! And I'm so very, very proud of you for trying!

Lenore Skenazy is the author of "Free-Range Kids: How to Raise Safe, Self-Reliant Children (Without Going Nuts with Worry)" and "Who's the Blonde That Married What's-His-Name? The Ultimate Tip-of-the-Tongue Test of Everything You Know You Know — But Can't Remember Right Now." To find out more about Lenore Skenazy (lskenazy@yahoo.com) and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.