It Is Time for You To Change

How can you participate in this historic inauguration without paying historic hotel rates to experience historic new blood pressure levels as you sit in historic traffic jams hundreds of historic blocks from any history that might be unfolding?

Easy. You can join in the moment, no matter where you happen to be, simply by embracing the Obama mantra: Be the change you want to see. (Or was it see the change you want to be? Pick up any change you see? See the sea, and sting like a bee?) Anyway, point is: Get started.

Here's a list of changes that are long overdue in your life.

Or at least mine.

—Change your hairstyle. Please. It's been eight years since we had a new president and longer than that since you decided bangs were the way to go. Time to let them. Go, that is.

—Change your smoke alarm batteries. Can't hurt. May end up helping you more than any economic stimulus package.

—Change your outgoing message. It still says you're on vacation and will be out of the office until Jan. 5. (A note to cell phone service providers: It is time for you to change, too. No one wants to press "5" to page this person now. No one has paged any person since 1996.)

—Change your route to work. Not because the National Security Agency is watching … though come to think of it, maybe they are. They're allowed to listen to your phone conversations now, aren't they? Ever since Cheney signed some secret law that said, "Go right ahead"? I think it allowed them to take pictures of you in the shower, too. So change your route. And just in case, lose 5 pounds, too.

—Change your attitude toward winter.

Otherwise, getting and staying out of bed in the morning will be all but impossible these next few months, especially if you climb out leaving a toasty little cave where your body just was. A cave calling you back, like this: "It's so warm in here. Mm-m-m. So toasty. Come ba-a-a-a-ack." (How do I know? I know.)

—Speaking of which: Change your attitude toward your lost glove. The time for mourning is over. Get a new pair, already.

—Change your screen saver. Make sure whatever you choose is furry and appealing and has big wide eyes and its head is sort of cocked to one side. Then make sure no one else sees it, lest they realize you are the kind of person who has to look at a puppy or squirrel to feel even moderately good.

—Change your mug. There is no way the joke still makes you laugh.

—Change your toothbrush. My gosh, how long has it been?

—Change your sheets. My gosh, how long has it been?

—Change your underwear. My gosh, how long has it been?

—Change your refrigerator magnets. In fact, spring for some new ones you actually like instead of ones such as that magnetized 2004 calendar from All-Klean Karpets. Get rid of the ones that are chipped, too. No one wants to see a daisy with amputated petals.

—Change your job. Oh, wait; it's about to be changed for you. Never mind.

—Change your family relationships. Instead of taking the people you love for granted, take them for a surprise dessert. Really, this one is key, and I think it's exactly what Obama meant when he said, "Yes, we cannoli."

—Change your feelings about puns.

Lenore Skenazy is a columnist at Advertising Age. She is the founder of FreeRangeKids.com. To find out more about Lenore Skenazy (lskenazy@yahoo.com) and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

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