It's time to start singing (because the alternative is drinking). Enjoy!
"Romney the Once Front-Runner" (to the tune of "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer")
Romney, the once front-runner
Had a very well-coifed mane
And if you ever saw it
You would run and vote for Cain.
All of the other hopefuls
Used to call him "Worse than Dole"
They wouldn't let poor Romney
Win a single Gallup poll.
Then one desperate Christmas Eve, Santa came to say,
"Romney with your MBA — Get the hell off of my sleigh."
Then all the hopefuls jeered him
As they shouted out with glee,
"Romney, the once front-runner
You are gonna lose to me! You are gonna lose to me!"
"I Can't Get a Loan" (to the tune of "There's No Place Like Home for the Holidays")
Oh, I can't get a loan for the holidays
'Cause my house is worth less than my new phone
How I pine for the sub-prime, easy-dollar days
For the holidays I cannot get a loan.
"Sleep, Osama" (to the tune of "All Through the Night")
Sleep, Osama, with the fishes
All through the night
Give your virgins our best wishes
All through the night.
So much for the Big Kahuna
Only wish we'd done it soona
Now here's hoping some fat tuna
Loves every bite.
"I Have a Little Kindle" (to the tune of "I Have a Little Dreidel")
I have a little Kindle
I made it out of clay
And when it's dry and ready
Big friggin' whoop-de-day.
Oh Kindle, Kindle, Kindle
I'd love to read all day!
But that requires pixels
And you're a slab of clay.
"The Spontaneous Combustion Song" (to the tune of "Santa Claus Is Coming to Town")
You better watch out
You better gang way
You better not drive the carpool today:
Chevy Volt is coming to town.
You go for a spin
A sizzle is heard
You're gonna find out
If you are insured:
Chevy Volt is coming to town.
It fizzles when you're sleeping
It sparks when you're awake
It blows if you lift up the hood
So stand back for hoodness sake!
Oh, you better watch out
You better get set
You better not trade your Prius in yet:
Chevy Volt is coming to town.
"The First Purell" (to the tune of "The First Noel")
At first Purell was a rarely seen thing
It was something a Howard Hughes nutcase would bring.
Then it spread, just like the pox, to each shop, home and school
As if every door handle was slathered in stool.
Purell, Purell, Purell, Purell!
You have made normal life into germ hell.
"We Three Things" (to the tune of "We Three Kings")
We three things of Rick Perry are
Things to cut from budget so far:
First comes Commerce,
Ed-u-cation's worse
Then comes...
"I'll Be Broke by Christmas" (to the tune of "I'll Be Home for Christmas")
I'll be broke by Christmas
You can count on me
I'll trample on somebody's mom
To buy a big TV.
Christmas Eve will find me
Where the Sony beams
I'll be broke by Christmas
Which may explain the screams.
It may explain my screams.
"Goodbye to Our Own Figgy Pudding" (to the tune of "We Wish You a Merry Christmas")
We wish we weren't losing Regis
We wish we weren't losing Regis
We wish we weren't losing Regis
But Kelly's still there.
Good tidings we send,
Wherever he goes
Good tidings to our Regis
As he goes off the air.
Oh bring us another geezer
Oh bring us another geezer
Oh bring us another geezer
With a mop of gray hair.
We won't watch until we get one
We won't watch until we get one
We won't watch until we get — wait!
Give Seinfeld his chair.
"It's iPhone Time in The City" (to the tune of "Silver Bells")
Look at my phone, it's an iPhone
You can tell I've got style
It's iPhone time in the city
Hear me tapping on that app thing
Texting :) after :)
And on every street corner you hear:
Steven Jobs, Steven Jobs!
We miss you here on this planet
Ring-a-ling, hear that ping?
Part of you's with us today.
Look at my pad, it's an iPad
How I love its glass screen
As I update my status on Facebook
Burls Ives croons on my iTunes
'Cause I shelled out some green
And on every sleek earbud you hear:
Steven Jobs, Steven Jobs!
We miss you here on this planet
Ring-a-ling, hear that ping?
Part of you's with us today.
Lenore Skenazy is the author of "Free-Range Kids: How to Raise Safe, Self-Reliant Children (Without Going Nuts with Worry)" and "Who's the Blonde That Married What's-His-Name? The Ultimate Tip-of-the-Tongue Test of Everything You Know You Know — But Can't Remember Right Now." To find out more about Lenore Skenazy (lskenazy@yahoo.com) and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.
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