Opinion> Lenore Skenazy> Cloudy Days On Sesame Street

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Cloudy Days on 'Sesame Street'

Hey, kids! "Sesame Street" is releasing some of its greatest hits to the iTunes Store just in time for summer. Now you can spend your sunny days feeling anxious and depressed — just like a real grown-up.

Yes, it's a dark, un-babyproofed world out there, and it's never too soon to sing about it. That's why Elmo and Rosita warble — for real — "A is for Asthma."

Then there's the lead-paint-can-kill-you-or-at-least-cause-serious-brain-damage toe-tapper, "Lead Away," also brought to you by Elmo and Rosita (clearly not the first Muppets you'd invite to a party), along with Oscar the Trial Lawyer — er — Grouch.

"We're excited to make videos and music from 'Sesame Street' … available through iTunes to give families another way to extend the learning and fun," came the official "Sesame Street" announcement.

Well, consider the fun extended! Possibly the only thing that could be more fun would be a family sing-along of, "A Cookie Is a Sometime Food" — the 2005 surprise that seemed to negate the Cookie Monster's creed (and reason for living). At the time, "Sesame Street's" vice president of research and education, Dr. Rosemarie Truglio, told the Associated Press, "We're not putting him on a diet. We're teaching him moderation."

Guess they started by moderating his joy.

Considering the tenor of these tunes, I'd like to propose a few rousing downers of my own.

"C Is Not For Cookie Anymore"

C is for cholesterol, that's good enough for me

C is for cholesterol, ask any ol' M.D.

C is for cholesterol, it clogs each ar-ter-y

Cardiovascular problems start with C!

"The Slippery Slope Snack Song" (to "Frere Jacques")

Are you sneaking, are you sneaking

Post-nap snack? Post-nap snack?

First comes Goldfish chewing

Pretty soon you're doing

Toot and smack, toot and smack.

"Hush Little Healthy Eating Baby"

Hush little baby, don't say a word

Mama's gonna buy you organic bean curd

And if that bean curd makes you stressed,

Mama's gonna take you for an allergy test

And if that allergy test says you're OK,

Mama's gonna lay off lactose anyway

And if that lactose-free diet leaves you hungry

Mama's gonna supplement with locally produced honey

And if that local honey gives you diabetes

Mama's gonna buy you a bowl of Wheaties

And if that bowl of Wheaties tastes dry

Mama's gonna give you some soy milk to try

And if that soy milk makes you hurl

You'll still be the cutest lactose-free, locally grown, wholly organic, borderline diabetic baby in the world.

"The There's No Such Thing As Water Safety Song"

Michael float your boat near shore, Hallelujah.

Drownings peak at age of 4, Hallelujah.

Put on goggles, the water stings, Hallelujah

Don't forget your water wings, Hallelujah.

"Take Me Out to the New, Non-Competitive Ballgame"

Take me out to the ballgame

For cooperative fun!

Buy me some sunscreen so I won't burn

I just hope that we all get a turn!

For it's root, root, root for the two teams

Whoever wins it's the same — all the same

'Cause we Don't! Keep! Score! anymore

At the new ball game.

"If You're Hyper and You Know It"

If you're AD and you're HD clap your hands,

If you're feeling kind of antsy

There's a word for it that's fancy

If you're AD and you're HD clap your hands.

Lenore Skenazy is a contributing editor at the New York Sun.

To find out more about Lenore Skenazy (lenore@lenoretown.com), and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.