Lenore Skenazy from Creators Syndicate

Nothing Super for Jets Fans for 01/24/2008

Thu, 24 Jan 2008 00:00:00 -0800

"Go, Giants … I guess."

That's the rousing cheer New Jersey native Frank Spina is practicing for Super Bowl Sunday. He's looking forward to the game as eagerly as a prisoner who gets to choose between lethal injection and a firing squad.

Such is the fate of the New York Jets fan.

The problem, for Jets fans, is complex. (Besides the problem that we now associate th ...

Updated: Thu Jan 24, 2008

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The Evolution of Super Bowl Sunday for 01/31/2008

Thu, 31 Jan 2008 00:00:00 -0800

Let's call the Super Bowl what it is: the newest, most popular, most passionately observed, most up-for-grabs holiday in America.

Plus there are a slew of commercials to watch — and a football game, even.

As the big day approaches and Americans are stocking up on the fixin's, it's possible to see the twin trends of our culture writ large.

On the one hand, we are a nat ...

Updated: Thu Jan 31, 2008

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The Child Is the Father to the Fan for 02/06/2008

Wed, 06 Feb 2008 00:00:00 -0800

And to think that this summer, when my son hung a little "NY" key chain on his backpack, I thought it was just an unattractive little tourist thing he'd picked up.

"Mom, it's the Giants logo," my 9-year-old said.

He loves that key chain. I love him, and thus began my introduction to a thing called "football."

Also, "fandom." ...

Updated: Wed Feb 06, 2008

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The Joy of Snobbery for 02/07/2008

Thu, 07 Feb 2008 00:00:00 -0800

Shallow, snobby morons have more fun.

But you knew that already.

Now proof of this annoying fact comes from Stanford's Graduate School of Business, where professor Baba Shiv decided to study the effects of price on pleasure: If something costs more, does it actually make one happier? (And if it does, why is my idea of heaven a giant dollar store?)

Shiv and his co-author fro ...

Updated: Thu Feb 07, 2008

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As the Valentine's Roses Die, Revenge Blooms for 02/14/2008

Thu, 14 Feb 2008 00:00:00 -0800

Happy post-Valentine's Day. See you in divorce court.

That's the way it goes in America, where private eyes, divorce lawyers and especially the folks selling surveillance equipment know: Valentine's is the day suspicious spouses finally decide to get even. Or at least, get evidence, then get even.

Good for them.

"Come Valentine's Day, there's a bi ...

Updated: Thu Feb 14, 2008

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The Obama Cult Isn't for Everyone for 02/21/2008

Thu, 21 Feb 2008 00:00:00 -0800

Let us start by saying that hope is good, political involvement is to be applauded, and young people are not all shallow sheep flocking to the latest hip thing, be it tattoo, tongue stud, iPod or, ahem, presidential candidate.

OK, so now I can ask: Is the Obama campaign becoming a cult?

It's hard not to sense something a little strange going on, considering the nearly unprecedente ...

Updated: Thu Feb 21, 2008

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Knock Off the Knockoffs for 02/28/2008

Thu, 28 Feb 2008 00:00:00 -0800

Sacks and drugs.

You want to talk addictions? Drugs, you knew. But sacks — handbags, purses — are the next frontier. Every day, another sweet-faced gal gets addicted to some high-priced pocketbook she can't afford. Pretty soon, she's jonesing so badly for Prada she's willing to break the law.

She buys a counterfeit.

Here in my town, New York, tourists trek to th ...

Updated: Thu Feb 28, 2008

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Real Housewives of New York? Ha! for 03/06/2008

Thu, 06 Mar 2008 00:00:00 -0800

This real housewife of New York City did not spend yesterday contemplating the purchase of a $2,655 gown. She did spend several minutes contemplating whether to throw out the chicken from four nights ago or serve it again for dinner.

Tasted fine.

And that, dear readers, sums up everything you need to know about the reality show that recently debuted on Bravo, "The Real Housew ...

Updated: Thu Mar 06, 2008

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Battle of the Sexes Over Sex for 03/13/2008

Thu, 13 Mar 2008 00:00:00 -0700

"This is why we need more women in politics," my friend Virginia Randall said yesterday. "Did Ella Grasso ever have to stand up on the podium and admit she paid for a 'rent boy'? Or Nancy Pelosi? Or Bella Abzug?"

Uh, no. It's kind of disturbing just to think about. But, as women and men discuss "L'Affair Spitzer," the differences between the sexes become mor ...

Updated: Thu Mar 13, 2008

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Why the Latest N.Y. Sex Scandal Doesn't Measure Up for 03/19/2008

Wed, 19 Mar 2008 00:00:00 -0700

Wake us if he did it with Hillary while Bill watched after they all had the early bird special at T.G.I. Friday's — and Obama's got the tapes.

Not that New York Gov. David Paterson's actual affairs don't sound titillating enough. But … they don't. They're the sexual equivalent of NyQuil — something kind of icky that just makes you yawn. A friend of mine saw the headlin ...

Updated: Wed Mar 19, 2008

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Why Do Dogs Get All the Good Stuff? for 03/20/2008

Thu, 20 Mar 2008 00:00:00 -0700

Pet owners, I know your animals are cherished members of the family. But what they aren't, thank God, are neurotic 21st-century Americans. For instance, they do not need Fortifido fortified doggy water.

Humans don't need fortified water, either, but that's another story. Nonetheless, Cott Corp. has just introduced the "first-ever fortified water for pets with real functional benefit ...

Updated: Thu Mar 20, 2008

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Are You a Gov We Could Love? Take This Quiz for 03/27/2008

Thu, 27 Mar 2008 00:00:00 -0700

Thinking of running for public office — or about to be promoted to one because of an unprecedented wave of resignations above you?

Wait!

In order to save the time and embarrassment it will take to remove you, too, kindly take this:

New York and New Jersey Candidate Pre-Culpability Questionnaire:

When you use the word "never," you mean:

A. No co ...

Updated: Thu Mar 27, 2008

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Victoria's Secret Isn't Sexy; It's Raunchy for 03/30/2008

Sun, 30 Mar 2008 00:00:00 -0700

You walk into Victoria's Secret, and the music is blaring, the décor is Bordello Barbie, and you find yourself caught up in a whirlwind of G-strings. Some are frilly, some silly, some are cotton-candy pink covered with red lipstick kisses, and a customer says, "What I like about the store is that the stuff isn't trashy."

It isn't?

I'm trying to think of something ...

Updated: Sun Mar 30, 2008

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Message on a Bottle for 04/03/2008

Thu, 03 Apr 2008 00:00:00 -0700

If you ever wonder why America seems so utterly insane — obsessed by health but devoted to junk, concerned about the environment but constantly trashing it, devoted to ideals but happy to sell out — all you have to do is head to the convenience store.

There you will find the American psyche writ large.

Or actually, not so large. It's written on the side of the drinks i ...

Updated: Thu Apr 03, 2008

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Why I Let My 9-Year-Old Ride the Subway Alone for 04/10/2008

Thu, 10 Apr 2008 00:00:00 -0700

I left my 9-year-old at Bloomingdale's a couple of weeks ago. Last seen, he was in first-floor handbags as I sashayed out the door.

Bye-bye! Have fun!

And he did. He came home on the subway and bus himself.

Was I worried? Yes, a tinge. But it didn't strike me as that daring, either. New York is as safe now as it was in 1963. It's not as if we're living in downtown Baghdad.< ...

Updated: Thu Apr 10, 2008

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Baseball Teams Should Bury Their Fears for 04/15/2008

Tue, 15 Apr 2008 00:00:00 -0700

Honestly, did the Yankees really think they had to dig up that jersey?

Maybe they want to start sticking pins in a Manny Ramirez doll while they're at it.

Sure, a Red Sox shirt has been extricated from near the foundation of what is slated to become a restaurant in the new Yankee Stadium. (And if that's not sacred ground, what is?) But it is quite possible that removing the shirt ...

Updated: Tue Apr 15, 2008

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'America's Worst Mom'? for 04/17/2008

Thu, 17 Apr 2008 00:00:00 -0700

When I wrote a column last week about why I let my 9-year-old take the subway alone, I figured I'd get some e-mails — pro and con. Two days later, I was on the "Today" show, MSNBC and Fox News Channel, with a new title under my smiling face: "America's Worst Mom?"

That's how I learned what a hot-button issue this is: whether good parents ever let their kids out ...

Updated: Thu Apr 17, 2008

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Do Dogs Really Need Diet Pills? for 04/24/2008

Thu, 24 Apr 2008 00:00:00 -0700

As blimps America, so blimp American dogs — about 30 percent are now overweight. But the dogs have something we don't have:

Tails.

Well, yes, but now they have something else, too: a magic bullet. Pfizer may not have cured cancer yet, or AIDS, but it has come up with Slentrol, the first FDA-approved diet drug for dogs. It just started advertising to the public las ...

Updated: Thu Apr 24, 2008

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Semi-Nude 15-Year-Olds for 04/30/2008

Wed, 30 Apr 2008 00:00:00 -0700

Hey, maybe I can become a world-famous photographer, too. All I need is some jailbait and a sheet. I'll have the girl take off her clothes, mess up her hair as if she just had a wild night of … whatever. Then I'll have her smile over her shoulder and start snapping away and …

Wait! Officer! This isn't kiddie porn; it's totally legit! Hannah Montana! Vanity Fair!

That's why it's so ...

Updated: Wed Apr 30, 2008

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This Mother's Day, Stop Telling Moms What To Do for 05/06/2008

Tue, 06 May 2008 00:00:00 -0700

If you ask me, every day is Mother's Day — just not in the nice, dandelion bouquet sense.

No, in the sense that every day, someone somewhere has some great advice that she just has to give to the next mother she sees. This advice comes from other moms, from books, from hysteria-tinged warning labels. And it comes from that mother of all mothering advice: the parenting ma ...

Updated: Tue May 06, 2008

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