Talking It Over

Father's Day always reminds me of my father's favorite sayings. He was a fountain of advice and cautionary words, most of them designed to keep me and my brothers on a straight track in life.

"When you work, work hard," he used to say. "When you play, play hard. And don't confuse the two."

He constantly reminded us of the advantages we had over his generation and over most people in the world. "You will never know how lucky you are" was a constant refrain.

It was clear to me and my brothers that our father's stern advice was his way of giving us the tools we needed to survive in a tough, competitive world.

To him, part of being a good father meant moving the family to a suburb with good schools, even though the property taxes were higher. It also meant exposing us to some of life's harsher lessons: More than once, he drove us down to skid row to see what happened to people who lacked self-discipline and motivation.

My father probably couldn't have explained what "quality time" was. But he was always there for us — at meals, on weekends, during holidays — a fixture in our daily lives.

History and circumstance helped. Fathers in the 1950s had more time to be with their kids. The pace of life just wasn't as hectic then, and economic pressures on families were not nearly as great as they are today.

My father was also blessed to own a small business. He set his own hours and never had to worry about getting permission to go to his children's school and sporting events. If he needed time off, he took it.

Nowadays, meeting one's parental responsibilities is not so simple. Not only do parents have to work longer hours to make a living, they likely have to commute farther to and from their jobs. The trade-off between time and money has become harder and harder for many parents.

Still, I've met fathers at the bottom of the pay scale who make extraordinary sacrifices to spend meaningful time every day with their kids. I've also seen millionaire fathers who are so busy talking on their cellular phones that they ignore their children altogether.

No one can force a father to take responsibility for his children.

But there are things that can be done to help fathers become more involved in family life.

That's what the President and Vice President had in mind when they launched the Fatherhood Initiative last year to find out how the federal government can help fathers fulfill their parental obligations.

So far, the findings are encouraging.

At the Department of Defense, for example, there are many programs that help service men and women cope with being separated from loved ones. Not only does the military offer counseling and support programs for fathers, on some ships, there is a special video room where parents can tape bedtime stories for their children.

A local program sponsored by the Department of Housing and Urban Development in Hartford, Conn., provides jobs for low-income fathers if they attend parenting classes, spend time with their children and avoid drugs. In some cases, fathers get help from the state in paying child support if they take full responsibility for their children.

The Healthy Start program in Baltimore, sponsored by the Department of Health and Human Services, serves women with high-risk pregnancies. But it also involves fathers by requiring them to attend prenatal and pediatric appointments in return for family-planning counseling, jobs and training to use and repair computers.

Through Goals 2000, Even Start and the Family Involvement Partnership for Learning, the Department of Education promotes parental involvement in education. Nearly half of the participants in Even Start are fathers.

Perhaps most important, the federal Family and Medical Leave Act, which the President signed in 1993, guarantees American workers time off for family emergencies.

The President wants to make sure that the federal government practices what it preaches when it comes to the role of fathers in their families. Now, many federal agencies, such as the Department of Transportation, offer parents the options of telecommuting, alternative work schedules, parenting classes and child care.

On this Father's Day, my father won't be here, so I can't thank him for all the love and attention he gave me when I was growing up. But I can thank my husband and the Vice President for being such good fathers to their own children and for helping so many other fathers be the best parents they can be.

Bill and Al, Happy Father's Day.

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