Talking It Over

They call themselves sisters. That's how close they feel, having gone through their husbands' military service together and even waited together as their husbands went to war.

They are the wives of Army soldiers and officers now heading for Bosnia as part of the NATO peacekeeping effort. I met them at the Smith Barracks in Baumholder, Germany, earlier this month when I accompanied my husband on his visit to the First Armored Division.

I visited with many soldiers and their families after the President's speech and during the lunch we shared in the mess hall. Later, I spent nearly two hours over coffee with 20 women whose husbands will be leading American forces in Bosnia.

Often when our troops represent us around the world, we overlook the sacrifices made by their families. Some of these wives have spent years overseas, far from friends and relatives. They have raised their children in foreign lands, often on their own, while supporting their husbands' careers and our country.

The wives I met told me about the challenges young couples face finding adequate child care and making ends meet on military pay. These challenges only increase when a husband — or wife — is deployed.

Now, while their loved ones prepare for duty patrolling the frigid terrain in Bosnia, these veteran spouses are helping other Army "sisters" get ready for the family disruptions that every military operation inevitably brings.

The more experienced among them are busy teaching young wives — some just teen-agers — how to cope on their own. They help them interpret military jargon about the operations their spouses are involved in. They get together with other wives in support networks to talk about mutual concerns and experiences. They even show some of the younger wives how to balance the family checkbook.

Just knowing that others understand what they are going through can make a difference. "If you're having a bad day, somebody else has had that day before," one woman told me. "You know you've got that camaraderie and that sisterhood."

Our Armed Forces are also doing their part to help.

As we learned in Desert Storm and other recent deployments, no operation can fully succeed without the "rear detachment," the military personnel who stay behind on the base to back up our troops and their families.

During a peacekeeping mission in Macedonia, for example, the rear detachment held briefings on bases about Macedonia's culture, language and environment and the soldiers' duties in the field. (The spouses were so pleased with the support they received, they recommended that the rear detachment commander be presented with an award for his service.)

For the spouses of the service members going to Bosnia, the Armed Forces will relay information about everything from the weather in Tuzla and Sarajevo to what the soldiers are eating for dinner that night (beans 'n' franks, turkey a la king or dehydrated beef patties, for instance).

Whenever American troops are sent thousands of miles from home, particularly at this time of year, loneliness is bound to set in. The women I talked with expressed particular concern about single service members, many of them young, who don't have wives, husbands or children.

Letters with news and support from the United States can mean a lot to our troops. A sentence or two about a local sports team, a good book or a new movie will help keep spirits up during the holiday season.

The Defense Department will be setting up a special address where we can send letters to service members in Bosnia and their families. As soon as the address is available, I will pass it on to you in this column.

Please make an effort to support our military men and women deployed in Bosnia in the coming weeks. Write to them. Encourage them to write back. Most of all, tell them how proud we are of them and how grateful we are for the sacrifices they are making on behalf of American values by working to implement the peace agreed to in Bosnia.

I also want to ask Americans to think about and pray for the brave spouses and families that are left behind. They need our support as well.

Many of the officers and enlisted men and women the President and I met in Germany told us that there has never been a better-trained, better-educated, better-prepared military in the history of the world.

Their spouses have never been more prepared to help each other, either. As one woman said, "We are ready."

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