Women Are Different -- From One Another

News flash: The same women who wake up to NPR can relax in the evening with the latest issue of People magazine.

Really. We're that complex.

We can run entire companies, too, with the iron will of a titan and still wear pretty bras that lift and separate.

And get this: We can hammer away at the weightiest issues of the day — war, health care, the need for more hand-washing at hospitals — and still get all oogly-woogly at the sight of a puppy.

Why does this continue to perplex so many? More to the point, why isn't this celebrated as proof of our fascinating selves?

Lisa Belkin, an astute observer of the intersections of life and work, wrote a piece last week for The New York Times titled "The Feminine Critique." She offered this summary of recent studies about the perception of women around the world:

"Don't get angry. But do take charge. Be nice. But not too nice. Speak up. But don't seem like you talk too much. Never, ever dress sexy. Make sure to inspire your colleagues — unless you work in Norway, in which case, focus on delegating instead."

Belkin felt deflated. "What are women supposed to do with this information? Transform overnight? And if so, into what? How are we supposed to be assertive, but not, at the same time?"

Good questions, but let's not overreact. Gilda Radner used to talk about walking through the valley of death but not buying a condo there. Great advice, especially when you consider the looming landscape for women. Let's leap from that ravine of low expectations.

First, a look back over rocky terrain: For decades — well, if you're counting, it's more like centuries — women have been dismissed as a monolithic group of worker bees buzzing around to make the menfolk's lives possible. Stories abound about our ability to make soap and to pop out babies in tall grass. No mention, though, of the time-honored tradition of sneaking coded messages in colorful quilts. Whew , lots of opinions behind all that baste stitch.

Fast-forward hundreds of years, and finally, snap me with a garter, people are discovering that all women really aren't alike after all.

We've gone from invisible to confounding in the time it took to say "Hillary for president." One of the many gifts Hillary Clinton brings to the race for president is the opportunity for so many women to express so many different opinions about her quest. Our cups runneth over.

These are befuddling times for those grasping at conventional notions of womanhood. We're Mrs. or Ms. and still occasionally Miss, with last names that will or will not match the men we may or may not marry. We are conservative, except when we're liberal — not counting those of us who are moderate.

We work outside and inside the home, secure upgrades with our own frequent flier miles, and it's not true that we never flirt anymore; we just aren't flirting with you.

And yes, female managers — the few we've seen, anyway — are different. From men. And from one another, too. But instead of focusing on particular skills to evaluate the evolving leadership of women, we waste time critiquing other stuff.

Such as women's clothes, for example. I've watched folks twitch and twitter over the height of a female boss's heels while giving a complete pass to male executives who hit the golf course and turn into "Where's Waldo" wannabees, wearing tablecloth plaids and shoe tassels as big as cow tongues. This disparity in standards strikes me as a tad suspect.

Lisa Belkin says that, in today's climate, women can't win. But the race isn't over yet, and all the flurry over what to make of us these days suggests we definitely are gaining ground.

I am reminded of a 6-year-old girl named Sydney, who recently told me she has decided what she will be when she grows up. She's whittled her choices down to two:

A veterinarian.

Or a mermaid.

The list of options just keeps growing and growing. …

Connie Schultz is a Pulitzer Prize-winning columnist for The Plain Dealer in Cleveland and the author of two books from Random House: "Life Happens" and "… and His Lovely Wife." To find out more about Connie Schultz (cschultz@plaind.com) and read her past columns, please visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

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