The Trail of Wifely Courage

Only hours after news broke that two white supremacists were arrested for plotting to kill her husband, Michelle Obama went on "The Tonight Show" and joked about shopping online for clothes.

No matter how you feel about this woman's politics, it's hard not to see her courage.

For the umpteenth time in this long race for the presidency, Obama was forced to consider the possibility that someone might want to harm the man she loves simply because of the color of his skin. Then she went on national television and laughed about buying retail.

As she so often does, she seemed impervious to the scary challenges that would drive many of us to hide under the bed covers until spring. She was charming and funny in that unthreatening sort of way expected of a political wife, particularly one auditioning for first lady.

There are two other brave warriors at the top of the ticket in this presidential race, and neither of them has "senator" before her name. They never are called "mister," either, which makes it easier for some to see Michelle Obama and Cindy McCain as two sides of the same coin: Heads she's a prop; tails she's a problem.

Their roles in their husbands' campaigns, though, aren't remotely so simple or easily dismissed.

Without these wives, those campaigns never would have made it to the tarmac, let alone taken flight. That's true of any strong marriage, as smart husbands readily will admit, but it's especially so when a man decides he should be the leader of the Free World. Ambition may get him out of bed every morning, but the love of a good woman will keep him upright in the toughest of windstorms.

In many ways, Michelle Obama and Cindy McCain could not be more different, but they have much in common, too. Both of them love their husbands more than their own ambition, which is why they changed their lives as soon as their men said, "Honey, I'm in."

Immediately, both women saw their middle-aged identities evaporate.

Their husbands became the candidates, and they became the lovely wives.

No matter what these two accomplished women do with the rest of their lives, their personae forever will be entwined with the derivative "wife of." I say this with some authority and not a little bemusement, being the wife of a U.S. senator, but comparing myself to Michelle Obama or Cindy McCain would be like wading in the toddler pool and then declaring I know what it means to swim the English Channel. We navigate different worlds.

Surely, one of Obama's greatest challenges is quelling her fears for Barack's safety. McCain knows a similar worry as she smiles her way through endless speculation about her 72-year-old husband's post-cancer odds of survival. His age and medical history are relevant issues, but imagine what it feels like to hear the man you love insist over and over that he's going to live longer than some doctors have predicted.

Time and again, both women have stood next to their husbands after devastating defeats and smiled as if that was what they planned all along. Tough to do onstage, impossible to do when you are startled awake in the dark and stew over opposition attacks that only increase as the number of days to respond dwindles.

I am not suggesting we spend even a minute feeling sorry for Michelle Obama and Cindy McCain. They've had the chance to meet people across America, and nothing makes you prouder of this country than spending time with those who still believe in it. What a privilege.

In these last few days of the campaign, though, we have the chance to mine our better natures and consider the sacrifice these two women have made.

Michelle Obama and Cindy McCain have stressed their lives to inconceivable limits and agreed to risk the well-being of the men they love for a goal that ultimately would shove them to the margins. Few of us would do the same.

We will have to choose between their candidates, but surely we can honor the choices both of them have made.

Connie Schultz is a Pulitzer Prize-winning columnist for The Plain Dealer in Cleveland and the author of two books from Random House: "Life Happens" and "… and His Lovely Wife." To find out more about Connie Schultz (cschultz@plaind.com) and read her past columns, please visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

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