Husbands Create More Housework? Shocking!

Here's a question to get the thunder rolling in marriages across the country: How much housework do husbands create?

My friend John passed along news of a recent study out of the University of Michigan meant to answer that very question.

"I'm guessing it's something all women already knew," John said in an e-mail.

I must have assured John a tad too quickly that yes, indeedy, I was interested in writing about this, because his response was a bit less sanguine: "Don't be too tough on us guys."

If you're a husband, I suggest you put down the paper, go find your wife and, in the words of country singer Rissi Palmer, hold her like a Sunday morning and rock her like a Saturday night.

Your best hope is to soften her up before she hears about this study, because most husbands are in for one of those lectures that begin with an I-knew-it declaration, quickly morph into an I-told-you-so rant and end with a go-fix-your-own-dinner slam of the door.

The study showed that husbands create an extra seven hours of housework every week for women.

In return, wives shave off an hour of housework for men.

Ain't we handy?

The findings, part of a 2005 federally funded study of housework trends, also indicate that both sexes are settling for less when it comes to the white-glove test of yore. In 1976, for example, women did an average of 26 hours of housework; in 2005, we dropped to 17 hours a week.

I believe that 1976 figure because that was right around the time when one of my weekly duties was cleaning — with a rag, never a feather duster — every last slat on the blinds that hung on just about every window in our house.

"For privacy," my mother always said, as if the CIA rented our home for covert operations. Every housewife in the neighborhood had decided the care of venetian blinds was better than paddling when it came to torturing children. A swat to the bottom stung for only a bit. Cleaning blinds could take all day if you hung enough of them.

Speaking of children, the researchers also studied how offspring affected housework.

Husbands, on the other hand, did a whopping 10 hours of work.

Of course, that was in 2005. I'm sure it's way better now.

What I'm not so sure about is why universities do these studies. They just set off sparks in an already incendiary situation. And I hate to hear about taxpayers' money used for questions that women could have answered in the time it takes us to turn off the vacuum.

I don't want to end this on a sour note. So let me tell you more about my friend John. He's practically an honorary girlfriend, which is why I'm not giving his last name. There's only so much abuse one guy can take.

John is the father of three and co-leader, with his wife, Debbie, of Junior Girl Scout Troop 551. Just last month, I saw him with 9-year-old Lindsay, pulling a wagon brimming with Girl Scout cookies that she had to deliver in person. He is so devoted to that troop that he missed his beloved Pittsburgh Steelers in the playoffs for Cosmic Bowling Night. And he allowed his hair to be moussed into pink-and-blue spikes during the troop's spa day at Marci's Hair on the Square in Chardon, Ohio.

The girls earned their Looking Your Best badge. He was showing solidarity.

I can hear the grumbling. "Oh, sure," you say. "He's great in public . What's he like at home?"

Good question. And without any federal funding, I found the answer.

I called Debbie.

Husbands, do try not to hate John.

His wife confirmed that he is the one who usually puts the kids to bed, but only after helping with homework and hosing down 4-year-old Jack in the shower stall. He folds laundry, vacuums occasionally and prefers to load the dishwasher himself because he likes it done a certain way.

Debbie did confess that sometimes she messes with his head by putting the bowls on the top rack or slipping a 12-inch plate in with the 9-inchers.

A wife needs her fun.

Connie Schultz is a Pulitzer Prize-winning columnist for The Plain Dealer in Cleveland and the author of two books from Random House: "Life Happens" and "… and His Lovely Wife." To find out more about Connie Schultz (cschultz@plaind.com) and read her past columns, please visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

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