Americans 'Deeply Divided' -- Again

There's no shortage of people willing to inflict withering judgments on other people's lives, especially when it comes to how we define what it means to be a family, as a new Pew Research Center poll shows.

Worrying what others might think of our version of family is an exercise full of pain with no gain.

Pew's recent finding: "The American public is sharply divided in its judgments about the sweeping changes in the structure of the American family that have unfolded over the past half century."

In other breaking news, it's still February.

This new round of opinions feels a lot like the old ones, predictably tied to the politics of the people giving them. But they do have nifty new names: Acceptors, Rejecters and Skeptics.

Pew asked 2,691 adults to rate the following seven configurations of family in terms of how they impact on society. The options were "a good thing," "a bad thing," "doesn't make much difference" and "don't know":

—More women not ever having children.

—More unmarried couples raising children.

—More single women having children without a male partner to help raise them.

—More gay and lesbian couples raising children.

—More people living together without getting married.

—More mothers of young children working outside the home.

—More people of different races marrying each other.

Overall, a small percentage of respondents said any of the trends have been "a good thing for society." But they roughly broke down into thirds when asked to be more specific.

About 31 percent of them are Accepters. Most of them think these trends have no effect on society. They tend to be women, Hispanics, East Coasters and people who seldom or never attend religious services.

Thirty-seven percent are Skeptics, who generally share the most tolerant views of the Accepters but worry about the impact of these trends. They tend to be young people, Democrats, political independents and minorities.

Skeptics break with Accepters on the issue of single mothers. Virtually all Skeptics think mothers bringing babies into the world without male partners to help raise them is bad for society.

The study didn't ask how respondents view the fathers who abandon these families, which would reflect another trend in this country.

Finally, 32 percent are Rejecters.

If it's true that we form opinions based on our experiences, I don't see how I could be anything but an Acceptor.

I also can see how my story reads like a Rejecter's indictment:

When she was 23, she met a little boy named Andy. It was love at first sight.

A few years later, Andy married Kristina, and they brought baby Clayton into the world.

I'm not fond of the terms "step-" and "in-law," which strike me as futile attempts to parse love into levels. In my heart, I have four daughters, a son and one grandson. In July, I'll add another son, named Matt, because he's decided — understandably so — that he can't live without our Emily.

I'm not suggesting I'm replacing other moms in their lives. I just want to make clear that they're stuck with me.

Perhaps the most useful thing about Pew's study is the online survey at http://tinyurl.com/PewFamily, which allows you to find out whether you're an Acceptor, Skeptic or Rejecter — and why. I found it eye-opening and a bit unsettling. I wonder whether you might surprise yourself, too.

I still believe that worrying what others might think of my family is an exercise full of pain with no gain.

But taking Pew's survey reminds me that learning more about our own biases is always a muscle worth stretching.

Connie Schultz is a Pulitzer Prize-winning columnist for The Plain Dealer in Cleveland and an essayist for Parade magazine. To find out more about Connie Schultz (cschultz@plaind.com) and read her past columns, please visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

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