1 Conservative Plus 1 Liberal Equals Surprising Friendship

The e-mail began with his familiar salutation: "Greetings from the loyal opposition."

"Jeff," I said out loud, unable to suppress a smile.

For five years, Jeff Phillips — a self-described "right-wing Bible thumper" from Cleveland Heights, Ohio — has been weighing in on my columns. I relish his rebuttals. He always signs his name, and unlike some other so-called Christian fundamentalists, Jeff never has called me anything other than Connie or suggested I will rot in hell for my beliefs. He also makes me work hard to defend my positions.

"After a long process of thinking through the issue, I would approve domestic partnerships and civil unions with no problem," he wrote recently. "I would give gays and lesbians equal legal rights."

No gay marriage, though, but that doesn't make him a "hater," he insisted. "There has never been a society which had same-sex marriage. Let's take this one step at a time and then see how things go."

Jeff first wrote to me after the 2004 presidential election. He was a lonely conservative in a church "full of liberals," as he put it, but they were liberals he loved. So he had joined a group convened by his pastor to heal the wounds born of partisan rancor from both sides.

"It was time for me to put up or shut up," he said.

As he later admitted, corresponding with me was part of his "homework." I happily participated until I took a leave of absence in 2006. When I returned, in late January 2007, Jeff was soon back, too.

"I apologize for the lengthy delay in responding to your column," he wrote two weeks after my return. "I got sidetracked by three trips to the garage, a dead washer and a TV that went to the great warehouse in the sky, all since the column was published. This helps me appreciate the challenge of writing a column on a regular basis."

How could I not feel a kinship with the likes of Jeff Phillips?

We've corresponded periodically ever since. Whenever I write about gay or abortion rights or my opposition to the war in Iraq, I'm likely to hear the counterargument from Jeff.

Occasionally, he lets me know he agrees. He joined me in celebrating Drew Gilpin Faust's appointment two years ago as the first female president of Harvard University, and he sent a "hearty Amen!" when I swooned about baseball.

Last month, Jeff wrote that he supports the war but believes journalists should be allowed to photograph the flag-draped coffins of our military dead at Dover Air Force Base. That's when I decided it was time to meet the man whose beliefs make me think long and hard about my own. After all, Jeff has challenged a lot of my preconceptions about conservatives.

Once he got over the shock of my invitation, he agreed to meet for coffee, but only after he checked with his wife, Carol, who is more liberal.

"I wanted to make sure I wouldn't embarrass her," he said.

Carol gave her blessing and assured me later over the phone that there's more to her husband of 36 years than the people he votes for and how he prays.

For an hour and a half, Jeff and I gabbed nonstop. He's 61, a longtime IT guy at a Cleveland hospital and the father of two. We talked as much about our families and our upbringings as anything swirling on the political landscape. When politics did come up, it was clear that our faith drives both our convictions and our willingness to be open to each other's viewpoints.

"We have to cut each other some slack," Jeff said when the conversation turned to liberals vs. conservatives. "There's a lot of hate and anger to go around, and none of that is helping."

Jeff is a recent survivor of brain cancer, which I didn't know until I invited him to coffee. He gently waved off my concern, assuring me that he's a better husband for having suffered and more grateful for every day.

When I called his wife later to ask what it is like to be a liberal married to a conservative, she just laughed.

"We don't talk much about politics," she said. "There's plenty more to a marriage than that."

She was quiet for a moment.

"At this point," she added, "I'm just grateful that he's alive."

So am I.

Connie Schultz is a Pulitzer Prize-winning columnist for The Plain Dealer in Cleveland and the author of two books from Random House: "Life Happens" and "… and His Lovely Wife." To find out more about Connie Schultz (cschultz@plaind.com) and read her past columns, please visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

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