Opinion> Chuck Norris> Top 10 Reasons Gitmo Should Be On Alcatraz

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Top 10 Reasons Gitmo Should Be on Alcatraz

When I heard about the possibility that the terrorist detention camp at Guantanamo Bay Naval Base (Gitmo) will move to Alcatraz Island in the middle of the San Francisco Bay, I got excited. Ideas from economic stimuli to renewed patriotism started flooding my mind.

Here are the top 10 reasons I believe Gitmo should be moved to Alcatraz:

10. D-Block. Not the hip-hop group, but the row of solitary confinement cells at Alcatraz. Need I say more? (Of course, "Gitmo and the Golden Gates" might make a hit rap song, too.)

9. It is rumored that "Dirty Harry" (Clint Eastwood's notoriously tough San Francisco cop character) still roams the streets with his .44 Magnum. Would terrorists really try to escape if he were across the bay? Do they feel that lucky? Well, do they?

8. It would give Congress something better on which to spend those hundreds of billions of dollars in bailout money than the absolute waste of more Wall Street bonuses and partisan pork.

7. My buddy the Governator needs a bailout, and the new "Hasta la Vista, Alcatraz" tour could be a gigantic boost for California tourism.

6. It's about time for a sequel to "Escape From Alcatraz," called "Bet Your A— That You Better Stay on 'The Rock.'"

5. Tony Bennett wants to produce his new smash single, "I Left My Terrorist in San Francisco."

4. The only text in the prison library and school would be my latest book, "Black Belt Patriotism — How to Reawaken America," with daily memory tests to see whether the detainees can recite the appendices containing the Declaration of Independence, our Constitution and the Ten Commandments.

3. Because House Speaker Nancy Pelosi, D-Calif., was a big advocate for Gitmo's closing and seeing as her district includes Alcatraz Island, let her deal with its aftermath. Pelosi even could help guard the captives with binoculars from her San Francisco high-rise.

2. Recently commuted border agents Ignacio Ramos and Jose Alonso Compean need new jobs and are willing to train and head up Alcatraz's new team of correctional officers.

I'm volunteering to be the new warden, and I pledge to make "The Rock" a Chucktatorship.

Are you with me?

All joking aside, remember when America was known as being tough and compassionate? Will we now polarize from waterboarding to being pantywaists?

Do most really believe it makes sense to shut down Gitmo for world adulation, while we possibly put Americans at greater risk by relocating these jihadists within our borders?

Is Time magazine serious when it suggests six possible domestic military facilities, from New York City to San Diego, as the new home for these enemies of the state?

Was Rep. John Murtha, D-Pa., serious when he told Fox News last week that he'd offer his own district as a future dwelling place for the 245 Gitmo terrorist detainees? He said: "Sure, I'd take them. They're no more dangerous in my district than in Guantanamo. … There's no reason not to put them in prisons in the United States and handle them the way they would handle any other prisoners."

Do Americans really want terrorists — such as Khalid Sheikh Mohammed, the mastermind of 9/11 — on our soil?!

In Robert Spencer's excellent new book, "Stealth Jihad," he documents well how radical Islam is subverting America via intentional and pervasive subtleties throughout our culture. Rather than crashing into our buildings with planes, they're breaking down every stratum of society using our tolerance and passivity. Rather than overpowering America through combat, they are influencing Americans of all ages by saturating the soils of our minds that there is nothing to fear from extreme Islam's theology or presence. We've shifted from protecting Americans to defending the terrorists. Our universally accommodative spirit literally is opening the doors for those who seek to destroy us, and Gitmo is just more proof of that.

While we worry about the way the rest of the world sees us, we are stomping upon the souls of Americans. Have we forgotten so quickly? Can our politicians not see? Have we lost our 9/11 minds? Gitmo's closing and future relocation reflects upon the families and friends of those precious souls who sacrificed everything on the battlefields of the Middle East, in the Twin Towers, on Flight 93 and at the Pentagon. We've memorialized their sacrifices; let's not bury their memory.

To find out more about Chuck Norris and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

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Come to think of it, Gitmo should be left alone, as many politicians are going to have to call this 'home!'
Illegitimates by the dozens has produced terrorism on American soil! Fifty years ago, who would have thought this type of behavior would be the ruination of a once great country? Why would politicians continue to think Taxpayers are going to fund all the illegitimates just so they can get elected? It's time to stop social and welfare programs! Approximately 40% of people working, paying taxes, 20% retired with very little income, how can politicians think that Americans will continue to pay for the 40% non-productive, non working, illegitimates, living off the system, and be able to keep this ignorance up! FIGURES DON'T ADDD UP, NEVER HAVE, NEVER WILL! The following article sent to me best describes what our "system" has become in past five decades! ============================================================================== Ice Cream & The Election Excellent analogy! Who worries about "the cow" when it is all about the "Ice Cream? The most eye-opening civics lesson I ever had was while teaching third grade this year. The presidential election was heating up and some of the children showed an interest. I decided we would have an election for a class president. We would choose our nominees. They would make a campaign speech and the class would vote. To simplify the process, candidates were nominated by other class members. We discussed what kinds of characteristics these students should have. We got many nominations and from those, Jamie and Olivia were picked to run for the top spot. The class had done a great job in their selections. Both candidates were good kids. I thought Jamie might have an advantage because he got lots of parental support. I had never seen Olivia's mother. The day arrived when they were to make their speeches Jamie went first. He had specific ideas about how to make our class a better place. He ended by promising to do his very best. Everyone applauded. He sat down and Olivia came to the podium. Her speech was concise. She said, "If you will vote for me, I will give you ice cream." She sat down. The class went wild. "Yes! Yes! We want ice cream." She surely could say more. She did not have to. A discussion followed. How did she plan to pay for the ice cream? She wasn't sure. Would her parents buy it or would the class pay for it? She didn't know. The class really didn't care. All they were thinking about was ice cream. Jamie was forgotten. Olivia won by a landslide. Every time Barack Obama opened his mouth he offered ice cream and sixty percent of the people reacted like nine year olds. They want ice cream. The other forty percent of us know we're going to have to feed the cow and clean up the mess.

Comment: #1
Posted by: Shirley deLong
Tue Feb 3, 2009 9:45 AM

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Sir;...If I thought you were serious I would call you a clown...Thanks...Can you juggle???? Sweeney.

Comment: #2
Posted by: James A, Sweeney
Tue Feb 3, 2009 5:05 PM

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Re: Alcatraz, it's a pity Devil's Island is now a tourist resort, apparently. What the UK and US should do is establish a similar colony somewhere off the coast of South America and deposit their combined undesirables there. Maybe they could be used to convert part of the jungle into viable plantations. Successive cash crops might help pay back some of the taxpayers' funds expended keeping them in captivity.

Comment: #3
Posted by: Alan O'Reilly
Wed Feb 4, 2009 7:45 AM

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I'm quoting today's news -"Obama warns of catastrophe if stimulus delayed! Obama urged members of Congress "to act without delay" while also promising to "work to make it stronger." WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THIS 'SCARE TACTIC' APPROACH? Politicians seem to stop at 'nothing' to steal Taxpayers money. IT'S TIME TO STOP THE 'SCARE TACTICS' BEING USED ON THE AMERICAN TAXPAYERS! JUST THINK, ONLY 40% working, paying Taxes, that have a job at present, 20% retired, the OTHER 40% living off social and welfare programs, never worked and don't intend to. The figures no longer add up for the high dollar politician's salaries and retirements. The 'tax & spenders' sold Americans' jobs, and 'GUESS WHAT, FOLKS, THERE AIN'T NO MORE MONEY!' It's time to cut politicians salaries and retirements to $12,000.00 year, pay off trillions of debt to foreign countries they sold America to. Incidentally, if Obama and the rest of the tax & spenders were so worried about the economy, why would they take high-dollar vacations, ride around in high dollar gas guzzlers with armed guards, stay/and or live in the most exclusive places, and 'rob' the few Taxpayers, that still have jobs at present, until they don't have enough money to pay their mortgages, let alone buy the necessities for their own families? GOES TO SHOW TAXPAYERS THEY ALL HAVE THEIR 'HANDS IN THE TIL' AND THAT 'NO ONES' BEEN CHECKING BEHIND ALL THESE 'FAT CATS' IN POLITICS WHO'S GETTING ALL THE EXTRAS FROM LARGE CORPORATIONS WANTING BAILOUTS AND HANDOUTS, AND NOW, AMERICA IS FACED WITH NOT BEING ABLE TO PAY THE INTEREST ON THE TRILLION DOLLAR NOTES THESE IGNORANT 'FAT CATS' BORROWED FOR THEMSELVES, WITHOUT THE CONSENT OF TAXPAYERS, AND THEY'RE NOW USING 'SCARE TACTICS' ON THE TAXPAYERS, SO THEY CAN 'STIMULATE' THEIR OWN DEEP POCKETS!' AMAZING? TAXPAYERS SAY '"KEEP 'GITMO' AS THESE 'FAT CATS' SHOULD BE CALLING THIS PRISON HOME!"

Comment: #4
Posted by: Shirley deLong
Wed Feb 4, 2009 10:38 AM

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