Defense Secretary Lady Gaga and the Real Obama Administration

During the 2008 election campaign, Barack Obama repeatedly informed the American people that he would call on the country's best minds to advise him. "You know," he told an audience back in May 2008, "my attitude is that whoever is the best person for the job is the person I want."

Too bad he thinks the best person for the job of secretary of defense is a bisexual, drug-addled talentless Auto-Tune creation with a relentlessly annoying fan base — full of faux-profound morons who think that fashioning one's hair into a telephone qualifies as high art.

That's right — Lady Gaga is the de facto secretary of defense.

This week, when the Democratic Senate trashed the Clinton-era "don't ask, don't tell" law designed to prevent homosexual activity and the breakdown of unit cohesion within military ranks, Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid (D-Nev.) shuffled off to his Twitter account to send a note to the sponsor of the legislation: the aforementioned Gaga. "@ladygaga We did it!" Reid tweeted to Gaga, as though Gaga were a senator who had voted on the policy. "#DADT is a thing of the past."

Ms. Gaga — a noxiously androgynous combination of Madonna, HAL 9000 and the worst of Salvador Dali — had made it her personal mission to stump for the repeal of "don't ask, don't tell." On Sept. 20, 2010, Gaga made a speech in Maine replete with idiotic misconstructions of the Constitution and vicious slander about our troops (she compared them to the murderers of Matthew Shepard). Worst, she offered not a single argument as to how the repeal of "don't ask, don't tell" would help the military.

In essence, her position was this: she likes homosexuals — as she should, since she makes her living off of them. All those who feel uncomfortable about showering with homosexuals, being hit on by homosexuals or serving alongside gay couples, who will obviously defend each other before their comrades, are mean and nasty and brutish. Therefore, the military should throw out all of the soldiers who have such legitimate concerns (including 58 percent of front-line troops) in favor of the approximately 0.000188 percent of soldiers who have been discharged for homosexual behavior and/or self-identification.

If this seems like a troubling argument to you, you're sane. If it seems like a strong argument, you're Harry Reid.

Let's not pretend that Barack Obama is relying on the nation's finest minds to decide his military policy for him. He's relying on pop culture icons who wear meat dresses to define how military men and women should recruit, train and serve. Someone needs to inform Gaga that just because she dresses like a refugee from "Pan's Labyrinth" and warbles like a synthesizer doesn't mean she knows how to conduct a war. For God's sake, the woman couldn't even win a fashion war.

The sad thing is that Obama has created a cabinet of the biggest stars — in Hollywood. If Lady Gaga is Obama's defense secretary, Jon Stewart is Obama's press secretary. In fact, Obama's formal press secretary, Robert Gibbs, told the press this week that Stewart could use his podium on Comedy Central to push through a scam bill, funding those who were sickened by rubble dust from the 9/11 attacks (the bill also funds illegal immigrants who suffered illness and raises taxes on corporations). "I think he has put the awareness around this legislation," Gibbs gushed. "He's put that awareness into what you guys cover each day, and I think that's good."

Secretary of state? That would be George Clooney, Obama's emissary to the Sudan, who regularly texted and called Obama during the 2008 campaign to offer him advice on image-crafting and Middle East politics.

Ambassador to the U.N.? Bono, who had a sit-down meeting with Obama in the Oval Office back in August to discuss "the administration's development strategy heading into the upcoming G-8 and G-20 meetings in Canada and September's U.N. Summit on the Millennium Development Goals," according to Bono's website.

Arts adviser? How about Kal Penn, star of the "Harold and Kumar" movies and short-lived regular on "House"?

The list goes on and on. Obama is an intellectual lightweight with star power, and he takes advice from those who occupy that same space. Too bad for the country that the "experts" it bargained for turned out to be the sorts of people who mistake fame for wisdom and glitter for substance.

Ben Shapiro, 26, is a graduate of UCLA and Harvard Law School. He is the author of the new book "Project President: Bad Hair and Botox on the Road to the White House," as well as the national bestseller "Brainwashed: How Universities Indoctrinate America's Youth." To find out more about Ben Shapiro and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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