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Ben Shapiro
Ben Shapiro
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The Conversation We Won't Have About Raising Men


On Thursday night, the Baltimore Ravens took on the Pittsburgh Steelers. The event carried national significance thanks to the Ravens' public-induced decision to cut running back Ray Rice after tape emerged of Rice clocking his then-fiancee in the head, knocking her out cold. CBS sportscaster James Brown utilized his pregame show to draw attention to the problem of domestic violence — and suggest widespread culpability for domestic violence. "Our language is important," Brown suggested. "For instance, when a guy says, 'You throw the ball like a girl' or 'You're a little sissy,' it reflects an attitude that devalues women, and attitudes will eventually manifest in some fashion."

Brown wasn't the only commentator to blame "The Sandlot" for Ray Rice's horrifying Mike Tyson-esque blow to his future wife's head. ESPN commentator Kate Fagan explained, "This is behavior that is happening at the grassroots level that is born through years of our culture like raising men to want to not be like women and using language like 'sissy' and 'you throw like a girl' that demean women. ... [We need to focus on] really reprogramming how we raise men."

Naturally, this talking point was celebrated far and wide by a mainstream press more interested in perpetuating the tenets of political correctness than in actually fighting domestic abuse. The real solution to domestic abuse is twofold: punishing it to the greatest possible extent, and yes, raising young men differently. But to state that the greatest risk factor for future domestic violence is insulting other boys as "throwing like girls" is pure idiocy. No man has ever hit a woman because she "throws like a girl." But plenty of young men have hit women because they had no moral compass and did not believe in basic concepts of virtue — and plenty of young men lack such a moral compass and belief in virtue thanks to lack of male role models.

Teaching respect for women begins with ensuring that solid male influences models fill the lives of young men — men who respect women, cherish them, treasure them, and believe in protecting them. This is an unpopular stance, because it suggests that boys require men to raise them. Which they do. But that truth doesn't fit the logic of the left, which seems to think that lack of fathers counts less than rhetorically bothersome phrases.

For leftists, the answer to domestic violence isn't to deal with any of the issues that could lead boys to become abusing men. The answer, instead, is to lecture Americans about the use of the word "sissy" — not because that solves the problem, but because it makes those on the left feel warm and fuzzy inside. Similarly, the left will tell Americans that the name of the Washington Redskins matters far more to Native-Americans than the nearly half of Native-American youths who drop out of high school; they will explain that "microaggressions" are the true problem faced by blacks in America, not lack of education, poverty or unwed motherhood.

We extol the language police even as we castigate moral authorities. And so our problems grow worse. But at least we feel better about them.

Ben Shapiro, 30, is a graduate of UCLA and Harvard Law School, a radio host on KTTH 770 Seattle and KRLA 870 Los Angeles, Editor-in-Chief of, and Senior Editor-at-Large of Breitbart News. He is the New York Times bestselling author of "Bullies." His latest book, "The People vs. Barack Obama: The Criminal Case Against the Obama Administration," will be released on June 10. He lives with his wife and daughter in Los Angeles. To find out more about Ben Shapiro and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at



5 Comments | Post Comment
Sir;... Lucky Raven's Ray Rice didn't hit you. Your bean would probably still be bouncing. If that girl wanted a piece of that bruiser, I will bet she was drunk enough to wonder what truck hit her the next day. Honey; my head hurts, and would some one get the phone, and did anyone get the licence number off that semi?
I swear... You fools act like you never been beat by your momas. People learn it some where; and it is usually from the judge, jury and executioner that racks with their dad. When boys get to the point where they won't take it from their moms anymore, they won't take it from anyone, man or woman. What do you think?
Comment: #1
Posted by: James A, Sweeney
Tue Sep 16, 2014 5:30 PM
Sir;... I may have seen a film of a rite of passage in which the primitive men pretended to give birth to the young men as they entered the room from a hole beneath them, and between their thighs. It is sort of metaphorical, that the women give birth to the boys while the men give birth to the men. Maybe it is all made up, like women learn to be women, and men learn to be men, and I don't blame it all on you big boy, and I just don't want to be your friend. That is mostly a quote.
Here is the problem as I see it. You can't have it both ways. You cannot not support a lot of men with the women and children, and expect them to be there when they are needed. What does a young man know that he can teach a baby? And even a young boy, if he knows how to care, and is good- may know more in a moral sense than he will as an adult when he may believe entirely differently, and not be worth a damn. I am not sure if most men at sixty have much to teach a child about the necessary skills of life. I think many of these boys are more man than the men around them simply because they are not trying to play the person they are supposed to love.
I think it is the love of mothers for sons that makes them rotten, and by Love I mean the Love St. Paul larded up with spittle. If we really want men to play their proper role as bad examples, we might try harder to keep them out of prison, and provide gainful employment for them even if without profit where they can get to it without losing money; and when I say we, I mean you folks on the right with all your false morality about keeping poor folks chaste, and not caught. We may pay poor men to hang out, and pay them to get high, if they can keep it under the radar -because a man of any age is better than any mother at telling when her son is butchering baloney by the yard and feeding it to her as truth.
There isn't a man alive who hasn't heard the same lies out of his own mouth as come out of the faces of darling children, and a boy raised without a human lie detector in the house grows a contempt of women that in time becomes a contempt of all people that is too large to cut down. A man in the house can call both mother and son on behavior that is ultimately wasteful of effort and self destructive. I don't care if a mother defends a child in the wrong with her life as long as she doesn't take any snot from him. No one should live with a false relationship let alone demand one.
Raising children is an extremely labor intensive and costly obligation that is performed for the good of society. And if you say, as a lot of white people do, that it is right to keep the bucks off the does lest the cost of caring for the uncareful becomes too high, I get your point, but it is a false economy. The price simply groes higher still as a result of denying a normal and natural relationship to people who need financial help. I know that some times the best thing a man can teach a son is how not be; and that is still better than no lesson at all. There are things that a couple in love can teach their children about all successful relationships. When children see a relationship fail with good cause, they learn what not to do.
If anyone should raise sons alone, it is men. What the army and the ironworker say they do, the difficult right away, and the impossible more slowly- is nothing beside what women do all the time. Raising children is an impossible task, and children raised without love, and without enough parents are monsters. Society has deliberately made the immoral choice on moral grounds to deprive as many poor children as possible of their male parent. Perhaps some one believes that men deprived of a woman's love are improved in that fashion; but that is seldom the case.
For you to complain about liberals and their corrective view of sexual steriotypes shows you miss the point, and the absolute responsibility shared out among the right- for the condition of poor children raised in America. The pitiful social welfare system we have may feed the child's body, but it starves his soul. It does not work toward the end of poverty, but toward its propagation. And because accepted moral principals are behind this nonsense, it can never be improved upon. There is no moral authority better than a mother, but mothers cannot do it alone.
Comment: #2
Posted by: James A, Sweeney
Wed Sep 17, 2014 5:34 AM
Sweene says,

"Society has deliberately made the immoral choice on moral grounds to deprive as many poor children as possible of their male parent."

I assume Sweeney is speaking of the ADC program in America, which really got going with Johnson's Great Society Program in 1964. Then Swrrney says,

"The pitiful social welfare system we have may feed the child's body, but it starves his soul. It does not work toward the end of poverty, but toward its propagation."

Well. he's right on both counts Then he blames the right for the mess. These are programs of the left, and if conservatives dare speak against them for the moral reasons Sweeney mentions, they are, of course, labeled "raaacist", and whatever slur is handy at the moment.

Ya can't please a liberal, they feed off the anger their indignation rends and the indignation their anger rends. Always pissed off about something.
Comment: #3
Posted by: Tom
Wed Sep 17, 2014 1:01 PM
If a conservative says "This welfare thing ain't working so good" a liberal hears "I don't want to pay for someone to be lazy!" and immediately takes personal offense. Taking fathers away from families is wrong, but that is how the system works, what we have been told works, but is definitely not working. Today Froma says that the tea party wants to take back the coundty, no, what they wanted was fiscal responsibility. You can't converse with someone who is not listening.

Liberals are always reactive. First I read a couple of articles about the National Anthem, the fourth verse and some historical background. Then the liberals reacted, the Anthem is bad, raaacist, terrible, glorifies war, covers 4 octaves (I actually read that, in fact it is a twelfth, pretty rangy by most standards), just awful. Wow, a lot of upset over a song.

Blame someone; some football player clocks his fiancee, and all the liberals become aware of domestic violence,. The awareness leads them to blame SOMEONE. The NFL. Male dominated society. Football. All men. Sports.

Another football whips up on his four year old. The awareness leads liberals to blame SOMEONE. The NFL. Male dominated society. Football. All men. Sports. The name "Redskins"

Must be awful to find anger and outrage at every human turn. Can't wait for the legal system to work, gotta gripe and complain and call for change and be an activist and harangue everybody, go on and on and on until something new hits the headlines and we can add that to our list of complaints and gripes and problems and frustrations and anger and passion and rage and
Comment: #4
Posted by: Tom
Wed Sep 17, 2014 1:40 PM
Another trait of "liberal" paradigm in particular and Democratic Party paradigm in general is the the love affair these people are having with words. I have noticed since the late 60's how vain they are when it comes to politically correct speech. If you say it right, you walk on water. Forget about actually doing something that produces measurable results.

There are notable exceptions historically, like the brave work the ancestors of the current-day word hawks did to bring about integration in the south. But that era is long gone, and their progeny seem to do words and nothing more.

And you see it in legislation and rulemaking proposals. They love to pack the books with high sounding requirements that will never be enforced, but they don't care about the actually doing it part. They can wallow in self-congratulation for the groundbreaking new words and leave it at that.

This, of course, puts those who actually want to follow the law in a huge conundrum. The more good businesses and good people follow the new, high-sounding laws, the more they leave themselves at a competitive disadvantage with the many who don't give a hoot about the law. Some refer to the not-give-a-hooters as the underground economy.

The ultimate issue is what we actually do versus what we say we should do, and the young Shapiro has stumbled his way into that arena. I have to express my appreciation for his good intentions and acknowledge that he makes some good points, though I don't entirely agree. Sometimes we need change in language to express having achieved a more civilized approach.

We should take the language thing on a case-by-case basis, but of course, the true believers will never back off of their vanity once they think they've found that sexy, politically correct formula to wear like a fashion statement.
Comment: #5
Posted by: Masako
Thu Sep 18, 2014 8:38 PM
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