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Andy Borowitz
Andy Borowitz
19 Mar 2011
Afraid To Watch the News, Millions Turn to Fox

Afraid To Watch the News, Millions Turn to Fox NEW YORK (The Borowitz Report) — With unprecedented … Read More.

12 Mar 2011
Etch A Sketch 2 Takes Gadget World by Storm

LONG BEACH, CA (The Borowitz Report) — A new combatant entered the so-called tablet war today, and it's … Read More.

26 Feb 2011
State Department Offers Support 'to Whoever Winds Up Winning'

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report) — As pro-democracy protests spread around the world, the U.S. State … Read More.

Unemployment Rose Last Week by Two and a Half Men

Comment

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report) — The economic recovery received an unexpected jolt today as the Labor Department announced that unemployment increased last week by two and a half men.

The 2.5 jobs were lost in the Los Angeles, Calif., area and are "gone forever," a Labor Department spokesman said in a surprisingly downbeat assessment.

But in a possible boost for the California economy, pharmaceutical giant Pfizer today announced plans to begin marketing a new blockbuster drug called Charlie Sheen. A bill is already moving through the California State Assembly that would make the drug Charlie Sheen legal for medicinal purposes.

But Carol Foyler, a spokesman for a leading anti-drug group in the state, warns that legalizing Charlie Sheen could have "disastrous effects."

"The drug Charlie Sheen is a gateway drug that leads to harder stuff, like the drug Mel Gibson," she said.

In other news, the big winner at the Academy Awards was James Franco's dealer.

Award-winning humorist, television personality and film actor Andy Borowitz is author of the book "The Republican Playbook." To find out more about Andy Borowitz and read his past columns, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

COPYRIGHT 2011 CREATORS SYNDICATE



Comments

1 Comments | Post Comment
Or even worse maybe a worse case of Lindsey Lohan. Now that's a disease that does not seem to be curable. It just keeps coming back. (Sorry Lindsey, your hot, but looks aren't everything)
Comment: #1
Posted by: political_sense
Mon Mar 7, 2011 4:04 PM
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