McCain Makes Historic First Visit to Internet

Will Spend Five Days at Key Sites

In a daring bid to wrench attention from his Democratic rival in the 2008 presidential race, Sen. John McCain (R-Ariz.) today embarked on a historic first-ever visit to the Internet.

Given that the Arizona Republican had never logged onto the Internet before, advisers acknowledged that his first foray into the World Wide Web was fraught with risk. But with his Democratic rival Barack Obama making headlines with his tour of the Middle East and Europe, the McCain campaign felt that it needed to "come up with something equally bold for John to do," according to one adviser.

McCain aides said that the senator's journey to the Internet will span five days and will take him to such far-flung sites as Amazon, eBay and Facebook.

With a press retinue watching, Sen. McCain logged onto the Internet at 9:00 a.m.

"I can't get this [expletive] thing to work," Sen. McCain said as he struggled with his computer's mouse, causing his wife, Cindy, to prompt him to add that he was "just kidding."

Having pronounced his visit to Mapquest a success, Sen. McCain continued his tour by visiting Weather.com and Yahoo! Answers, where he inquired as to the difference between Sunnis and Shiites.

Sen. McCain said that he had embarked on his visit to the Internet to allay any fears that he is too out-of-touch to be president, adding that he plans to take additional steps to demonstrate that he is comfortable with today's technology: "In the days and weeks ahead, you will be seeing me rock out with my new Walkman."

Award-winning humorist, television personality and film actor Andy Borowitz is author of the book "The Republican Playbook." To find out more about Andy Borowitz and read his past columns, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

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