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Andy Borowitz
Andy Borowitz
19 Mar 2011
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McCain Attacks Washington, Republicans, Old White Men with White Hair

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Most Ironic Speech to Date, Experts Say

In what some political observers are calling his most ironic speech of the 2008 campaign, GOP presidential nominee John McCain today lashed out at Washington, the Republican Party and a group of insiders he called "old white men with white hair."

"It's time to take our country back," Sen. McCain told his audience in Dayton, Ohio. "It's time to send a message to those in power — those Republicans in Washington, those old white men with their combed-over white hair."

Sen. McCain went on to attack the power elite on Wall Street, calling them "wealthy plutocrats with private jets and too many houses to keep track of."

"The time has come to say enough is enough to those rich old white men," he said. "And the same goes to their zombie-like trophy wives who plaster their makeup on like trollops."

Responding to the nation's economic turmoil, Sen.

McCain said that as president, he would create millions of jobs "by putting Americans to work making negative ads."

"We no longer lead the world in manufacturing cars, steel or computers," Sen. McCain said. "But our negative-ad industry is second to none."

In other economic news, President Bush announced another massive bailout today, saying that he had completed a deal for China to buy the United States in its entirety.

"This was a difficult deal to pull off," Mr. Bush acknowledged. "The hard part was identifying the parts of the United States that China didn't already own."

Award-winning humorist, television personality and film actor Andy Borowitz is author of the book "The Republican Playbook." To find out more about Andy Borowitz and read his past columns, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

COPYRIGHT 2008 CREATORS SYNDICATE


Comments

1 Comments | Post Comment
Sir;...Well what are you going to do? If they are looking to lynch you...Join the mob!!!. These wolves have been hiding behind and guiding the flock to the slaughter for years. Now that folks are beginning to realize to what extent they have been robbed of their hopes, and dreams, and their futures; bound even faster to their dead end jobs and tied to their endless frustration, what are the leaders going to do???...Stand up and take credit? If there is one lie in this world that is universal, it is that there are only two kinds of people in this world... Carnnies and rubes, good and bad, politicians and everyone else... If there are two kinds of people, it is not a sufficient distinction to divide all of humanity as Aristotle would have, with the line between vice and virtue; but some people will decide to stand outside of humanity, to feed upon all humanity like parasites, and even make prey of some. We should invite them home again to love, and hearth, and a common meal. We cannot stop some folks from making outlaws of themselves. We can stop them from leading the lynching, and ask them to demonstrate its merits to the assembled multitudes...Thanks...Sweeney
Comment: #1
Posted by: James A, Sweeney
Sun Sep 28, 2008 9:06 AM
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