Introducing the Hot New Social Network, PhoneBook

SILICON VALLEY (The Borowitz Report) — A new social network is about to alter the playing field of the social media world, and it's called PhoneBook.??

According to its creators, who invented the network in their dorm room at Berkeley, PhoneBook is the game-changer that will leave Facebook, Twitter and even the much anticipated Google Buzz in a cloud of dust.??

"With PhoneBook, you have a book that has a list of all your friends in the city, plus everyone else who lives there," says Danny Fruber, one of PhoneBook's creators. "When you want to chat with a friend, you look them up in PhoneBook, and find their unique PhoneBook number," Fruber explains. "Then you enter that number into your phone and it connects you directly to them."

??Another breakout utility of PhoneBook allows the user to arrange face-to-face meetings with his or her friends at restaurants, bars and other "places," as Fruber calls them.?? "You will be sitting right across from your friend and seeing them in 3-D," he said. "It's like Skype, only without the headset."

??PhoneBook will enable friends to play many games, as well, such as charades, cards and a game Fruber believes will be a breakout: Farm.?? "In Farm, you have an actual farm where you raise real crops and livestock," he says.

"It's hard work, but it's more fun than Mafia, where you actually get killed."

Toyota Unveils New Slogan: "Drive a Toyota. You'll Never Stop."

Hopes to Reverse Public Relations Setbacks

TOKYO (The Borowitz Report) — Hoping to reverse a series of public relations setbacks, Toyota today unveiled a new slogan, "Drive a Toyota. You'll Never Stop."

??Company spokesman Hiroshi Kyosuke said that the slogan was chosen after the company considered several others, including "Toyota Puts the Pedal to the Metal. And Keeps it There." Kyosuke said that the company considered, but then abandoned, the slogan, "Toyota. The Last Car You'll Ever Drive."

Award-winning humorist, television personality and film actor Andy Borowitz is author of the book "The Republican Playbook." To find out more about Andy Borowitz and read his past columns, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

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