I don't know about you, but I've been sitting here all morning waiting for government intervention to save my sorry assets. Since our politicians have extended a helping hand to the financial industry — after first putting that helping hand into your pocket — I don't think it's too much to expect the Fed to bail out the disaster that is your personal cash flow situation. I'm not saying your financial statement is out of balance, but let's be realistic here. If it wasn't for the spare change you dig out of the reception-room couches, you'd never be able to afford the luncheon buffet at the Kit Kat Klub.

As bad as your personal situation may be, at least you have a job. This is more than can be said by a passel of predators who, until very recently, worked in the financial services industry. After years of buying and selling worthless securities, and rarely making more than 1 or 10 million dollars a year for their efforts, these poor rich devils are suddenly thrown out of work — unable to pay the mortgages on their penthouses or buy gas for their Aston Martins. Or they will be unemployed until they are hired by the Treasury Department to purchase the bad investments they once peddled.

No disaster is without its redeeming aspects. In the case of our current money meltdown, I have found comfort in the advice being lavished on the jobless multitudes. Consider Phyllis Korkki, the Career Couch columnist for The New York Times, who just issued a ukase to the edgy employed titled, "How to Protect Your Job in a Stormy Industry."

Korkki focuses her advice on the folks in financial services, but I believe her ideas have value for a wide variety of occupations in our storm-battered economy. Here are some examples:

— Don't let rumor and fear take over.

"Fear is your biggest enemy right now," says Marc Cenedella of TheLadders.com. Personally, I always thought our biggest enemy was the human resource department, but Cenedella may have a point.

"Don't rely on the rumor mill for your information," adds columnist Korkki.

That will truly be a challenge, since the biggest and fastest-spinning water wheel in the rumor mill is you. Because it is impossible for you to stop whispering sweet somethings into the ears of your co-workers, perhaps you can reach a compromise. You'll continue to gossip, but you'll only spread good news: "The company is in great shape." "No way there will be layoffs." "The boss really likes your work."

Keep up the flow of good gossip until everyone feels comfortable and relaxed. This will give you time to slip into the good graces of management and save your job when everyone else gets the boot.

— Develop a personal relationship with the boss.

"It's hard to fire someone that you know and you like personally," says Stephen Viscusi, author of "Bulletproof Your Job."

This may be true, but it's amazing how many managers manage to triumph over their personal affection and get out the hatchet. A pink slip may be easier to take when it's delivered with a hug, but it's still a pink slip.

With mass firings imminent, it may be difficult to develop that deep and, hopefully, lasting relationship with your hiring — and firing — manager. You could invite him or her out to a leisurely candlelit dinner, where you could share your innermost feelings over a nice bottle of Ukrainian burgundy. But let's be real — time is not on your side. That's why I suggest you use a gift to seal your special relationship with your manager. Ten thousand dollars in cash from your 401(k) wire transferred to your manager's Swiss bank account is a wonderful way to say, "I like you." It is also a darn good investment.

— Assess and differentiate.

Mark Anderson, president of ExecuNet, suggests determining "what problems you solve for your current employer." This won't be easy. May I suggest: You keep your desk chair from floating away by sitting in it, or you set a low for performance so other employees look better. Don't underestimate your contribution by not making much of a contribution at all. Someone has to be the worst worker in the company; better it be thee than me.

Anderson also suggests you "avoid blaming your former company or boss for your current situation." That's ridiculous! After all, they were dumb enough to hire you in the first place.

Bob Goldman has been an advertising executive at a Fortune 500 company in the San Francisco Bay Area. He offers a virtual shoulder to cry on at bob@funnybusiness.com. To find out more about Bob Goldman and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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