Hate to break it to you, Bucky, but the economy is slip sliding away.

As we merrily roll downhill, many of the familiar features of our working lives are going away — like our jobs. I have blocked out the details of the most recent no-jobs report, but it seems like everyone in America is either already fired or about to be fired, except, of course, the person who has the job of counting how many people have lost their jobs.

Now that's a no-stress position, and it ain't going away!

At the risk of ruining my reputation as a harbinger of glee, I have to say that while this job situation is not good for anyone, it's super-bad for baby boomers who are suddenly seeing their cushy retirement dreams go up in smoke.

With their 401(k) accounts shrinking almost as fast as their waistlines are enlarging, the idea of retiring before 65 has vanished. Now the dream is to retire at 65, and the few boomers who still believe they can accomplish such an amazing feat are now dressing for success in a straightjacket.

But how is a 65-plus boomer going to put Spam on the table? Career expert Laurence Shatkin has the answer. Shatkin's new book, "150 Best Low-Stress Jobs," is the perfect resource for boomers. As Shatkin says, "Many of these occupations have a high concentration of older workers because their low level of stress permits them to avoid burnout and postpone retirement. Some of these jobs might be good choices for baby boomers planning a career change late in life, perhaps in retirement."

To make his list, the author "identified the best occupations for people age 55 and older, according to a combined score based on each job's annual earnings, percent growth and annual openings."

Apparently, author Shatkin didn't eliminate high-quality, low-stress jobs just because some namby-pamby, wet blanket, so-called "professional credentials" are required.

For example, you might not have a fancy degree, but I don't have a doubt in the world that you would make an excellent civil engineer, and if that position doesn't light your fire, I can say with equal conviction that you would make an terrific "construction and building inspector." Please forgive me in advance, however, if I decide not to enter or even stand particularly close to any building you design, construct and inspect. Translation: These might be delightfully low-stress jobs for you, but giving you that kind of power gives me the heebie-jeebies.

Unfortunately, almost all of the Zanax-free positions seem to require some kind of training. I don't know what an "industrial machinery mechanic" does, but I doubt that even with 23,361 annual openings, they're going to sign on someone whose idea of a power tool is a Cuisinart. The same caveat goes for the 11,037 annual openings for "mobile heavy equipment mechanics," though I was relieved to note that author Shatkin excepts those grease monkeys who work on "engines."

The thought that of some stress-free, experience-free, boomer boob repairing the engines on my 747 is enough to give me a major panic attack. Face it, some positions demand a stressed-out, Type-A worrywart.

I'm much more sanguine about burnt-out boomers taking positions as "water and liquid waste treatment plant and system operators." The job has an annual growth rate of 13.8 percent and pays $36,070. Just remember — you have to provide your own nose clips.

There are two jobs on the stress-free list that you would expect: curator and librarian. Curators earn $46,300 a year, which should be enough to keep you in Geritol and Rogaine. There are 1,416 annual openings. I'm surprised it's not more when I think about the dangers that plague that famous curator of shiny objects, Indiana Jones. But Indy always survives, and I'm sure you will, too. Just don't even think about the giant boulder poised over the doorway to your office.

Librarians also make the list, and with a pay scale that almost hits 50K, I think it could be the low-stress job with the highest demand. How wonderful to make big bucks, stamping books and dozing the afternoon away in the sun-kissed quiet of the reading room.

In fact, I can only think of one job that has less stress — writer of a weekly workplace humor column. You don't enjoy the prestige of being a librarian, or the groupies that flock around a waste-treatment plant operator, but the lack of compensation more than makes up for it.

Bob Goldman has been an advertising executive at a Fortune 500 company in the San Francisco Bay Area. He offers a virtual shoulder to cry on at [email protected]. To find out more about Bob Goldman and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.