Work Daze from Creators Syndicate

Relax. Reflect. Retire. for 08/28/2008

Thu, 28 Aug 2008 00:00:00 -0700

This doesn't apply to me, since I retired the day I started working; however, for someone like you, who has been laboring, striving, succeeding and achieving, the idea of jumping off the treadmill may be a tad unsettling. In fact, it is the inability to visualize a life without a job that leaves many people completely unprepared for the moment when the Grim Reaper of retirement waltzes into you ...

Updated: Thu Aug 28, 2008

Job Hunting at the Job for 09/04/2008

Thu, 04 Sep 2008 00:00:00 -0700

You can feel it in your bones, can't you? That strangely familiar feeling wafting through the cubicle corridors whispering, "you're about to be fired."

One doesn't need to consult an Oracle database to know when a firing is imminent. The same DNA that warned our ancestors when a Tyrannosaurus was around the bend also triggers our modern nervous systems when a Terminationasurus ...

Updated: Thu Sep 04, 2008

Working on the Chain Gang for 09/11/2008

Thu, 11 Sep 2008 00:00:00 -0700

Office walls do not make a prison. Or do they?

There are times when being at work is wonderfully liberating. And other moments feel similar to serving an unlimited sentence in solitary confinement.

It's that captivity feeling that you get most of all, right? Everyone else is out there — gaining contacts, earning money and making progress across the global spectrum. Instead, ...

Updated: Thu Sep 11, 2008

Multitasking Causes Less Productivity Among Workers for 09/18/2008

Thu, 18 Sep 2008 00:00:00 -0700

Here's something about this column that you don't know. While I am writing these words, I am also answering my e-mail, juggling phone messages, cooking a six-course organic dinner, balancing my checkbook and playing Scrabulous with a 12-year-old podiatry student in Dubrovnik.

Yes, reader, I am a multitasker and proud of it. Or, I was proud until I picked up a new —and refreshingly ...

Updated: Thu Sep 18, 2008

Protect Yourself: It's Later than You Think for 09/25/2008

Thu, 25 Sep 2008 00:00:00 -0700

I don't know about you, but I've been sitting here all morning waiting for government intervention to save my sorry assets. Since our politicians have extended a helping hand to the financial industry — after first putting that helping hand into your pocket — I don't think it's too much to expect the Fed to bail out the disaster that is your personal cash flow situation. I'm not say ...

Updated: Thu Sep 25, 2008

Eek! A Spouse! for 10/02/2008

Thu, 02 Oct 2008 00:00:00 -0700

Good news! I've finally figured out why you're going nowhere in what we laughingly call "your career." It's not because you're lazy, indecisive and ineffectual. It's not you at all — the real problem is your spouse.

According to an article by Leslie Kaufman in The New York Times, major job searches almost invariably include a careful vetting of the potential hire's signif ...

Updated: Thu Oct 02, 2008

Yo Ho Ho! A Consultant's Life for Me! for 10/09/2008

Thu, 09 Oct 2008 00:00:00 -0700

Be honest now. How would you like a job where you work when you want, get paid whatever you ask and are treated with respect by everyone in the company?

No, I'm not talking about being the boss. I'm talking about being a consultant.

Oh, to be a consultant! How wonderful that would be. And — guess what? — how very possible that the urge to consult will strike you, now t ...

Updated: Thu Oct 09, 2008

Let's Get Personal for 10/16/2008

Thu, 16 Oct 2008 00:00:00 -0700

What's the difference between you and Sergey Brin, one of the co-founders of Google? I mean, besides his private plane, his billion-dollar bankbook, and his high-level position on the honor roll of the world's richest guys.

The answer, my friend, is that Brin has a personal assistant — a comely amanuensis named Ginger Franke. She not only runs personal errands for top execs in Sili ...

Updated: Thu Oct 16, 2008

I Now Pronounce You: Office Spouse for 10/23/2008

Thu, 23 Oct 2008 00:00:00 -0700

Here's a workplace shocker — one in 10 of your fellow co-workers is a bigamist.

No, these folks are not participating in an office version of "Big Love." These bigamists have only one spouse at home, but there is another spouse involved. I'm referring to the long-time, intimate relationship that grows out of the close proximity of an ordinary workingman or woman; the pers ...

Updated: Thu Oct 23, 2008

Shoulder of Fortune for 10/30/2008

Thu, 30 Oct 2008 00:00:00 -0700

Yes, I know. Your boss likes you. But does she or he "like like" you or simply "like" you. Or, and this is important, did they used to really "like like" you, but now merely "like" you?

No, this isn't high school; this is the real world. In fact, it's the "real real" world, where unreturned e-mail, a quick hang-up or an uncomfortable mome ...

Updated: Thu Oct 30, 2008

Start Me Up for 11/06/2008

Thu, 06 Nov 2008 00:00:00 -0800

Whether you're trying to get ahead in your job, or simply trying to keep hold of it, I've got a tip for you. In fact, I've got 10!

I hasten to add that the tipster imparting these tidy tidbits of wisdom is not myself. My only tips for job survival are:

1. Keep your head down.

2. Do as little as possible.

3. When the little work you actually do gets you in trouble wi ...

Updated: Thu Nov 06, 2008

Advice Columns Pointing in the Wrong Direction for 11/13/2008

Thu, 13 Nov 2008 00:00:00 -0800

Do you ever get the feeling that you're going at it all wrong?

Here I am, week after week, struggling to provide you with the best advice on how to succeed as much as possible while doing as little as possible. I honestly thought you wanted to get ahead in life. Now, thanks to CareerBuilder.com, I understand that what the American worker wants most is to get fired. And if you can't get f ...

Updated: Thu Nov 13, 2008

'Tis the Season to Party Hardly for 11/20/2008

Thu, 20 Nov 2008 00:00:00 -0800

Bet I can guess the No. 1 thought in your cute little pea brain right now. You're thinking about how much fun you're going to have at work this holiday season. I can see you now — decorating the tree with multicolored Post-It notes, playing secret Santa with the nerds in IT, getting your stomach pumped after an overdose of eggnog at the company holiday party!

Can you just feel the ...

Updated: Thu Nov 20, 2008

Tough Times Call for Tough Love for 11/27/2008

Thu, 27 Nov 2008 00:00:00 -0800

Good news, fellow slackers, goof-offs, and workplace ne'er-do-wells. The current economic situation may be reigning havoc on hardworking workers nationwide, but for those of us who have spent the last few years hardly working our way through a time of prosperity, this financial meltdown could be our time to shine.

At the risk of waking you from your midmorning nap, let me explain.

Updated: Thu Nov 27, 2008

A Word to the Y's for 12/04/2008

Thu, 04 Dec 2008 00:00:00 -0800

Well, here's a shocker! Tattoos can hurt your career. Call it "body art," or call it the result of too many Jell-O shots, but you risk more than ridicule when you show off that inked-in image of Taylor Hicks on your bicep, or the Chinese symbols for "I have no idea what this means" on your neck, or the map of upper Lower Uzbekistan on your ankle.

Managers tend to view ...

Updated: Thu Dec 04, 2008

Low-Stress Jobs for Burnt-Out Baby Boomers -- Really for 12/11/2008

Thu, 11 Dec 2008 00:00:00 -0800

Hate to break it to you, Bucky, but the economy is slip sliding away.

As we merrily roll downhill, many of the familiar features of our working lives are going away — like our jobs. I have blocked out the details of the most recent no-jobs report, but it seems like everyone in America is either already fired or about to be fired, except, of course, the person who has the job of cou ...

Updated: Thu Dec 11, 2008

Ready ... Aim ... Fired for 12/18/2008

Thu, 18 Dec 2008 00:00:00 -0800

I don't like to be a gloomy Gus, but have you noticed that just about everyone you know knows someone who has been fired? In fact, many of the people you know probably know lots of people who have been fired, including themselves.

You understand what happens, don't you, when companies fire their workers? There are fewer people who can buy any company's products, which results in even mor ...

Updated: Thu Dec 18, 2008

'Tis the Season to Be Hungry for 12/25/2008

Thu, 25 Dec 2008 00:00:00 -0800

Let's face it, in almost every aspect of business life, there is someone in your company who will work harder, think smarter, kiss up sweeter and grovel deeper. As result, that devilish someone is likely to grab that promotion, nab that bonus, and be awarded that above-guidelines raise.

You might as well not even try. If money and titles are given to the people who most deserve them, you ...

Updated: Thu Dec 25, 2008

The Year in Review for 01/01/2009

Thu, 01 Jan 2009 00:00:00 -0800

Back in the good old days, when a manager didn't think an employee was performing up to corporate expectations, there was a simple way to handle the matter. The manager simply hired another employee to take up the slacker's slack.

These days, ineffective workers do not get the backup staff they deserve. Sad to relate, due to the worldwide economic meltdown, and a lack of government cash ...

Updated: Thu Jan 01, 2009

Resolve to Get Ahead - By Any Means for 01/08/2009

Thu, 08 Jan 2009 00:00:00 -0800

Gather around, people. It's 2009. This is the year we're going to get it right.

Oh, I understand. You really tried to get it right in 2008, but there were attenuating circumstances. Like the economy dropping out from under you like a trap door, just when you were ready to start your charge up the org. chart. In 2008, it really didn't matter what you were trying to achieve. If you made it ...

Updated: Thu Jan 08, 2009