Mrs. Malaprop Is 'Allied' and Well by Rob Kyff on Creators.com

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Mrs. Malaprop Is 'Allied' and Well

You may remember Mrs. Malaprop. She's the meddlesome, nettlesome, kettledrum aunt in Richard Sheridan's 1775 play "The Rivals" who continually substitutes similar-sounding words for the intended ones.

Mrs. Malaprop tells us, for instance, that she has "little affluence (influence) over her niece," that a certain gentleman is "the very pineapple (pinnacle) of politeness," and that another character is as "headstrong as an allegory (alligator) on the banks of the Nile."

Judging by a list of quotations recently mailed to me by an anonymous reader, Mrs. Malaprop is "allied" and well. The reader has collected these gems over many years; some were uttered by children, some by adults and some — yikes! — actually appeared in print. Can you tell what word or phrase the speaker or writer meant to use?:

1. Your Honor, my auto insurance collapsed. 2. He lives high like a hog. 3. He's just a prawn. 4. That's a sock and bull story. 5. She has a pleasant deposition.

6. He's diluting himself. 7. His buddies made out like banshees. 8. They don't get along; they had a squirmish. 9. I know him like the back of my own ham. 10. I put her on a pedestool.

11. He's an old stogey. 12. She often goes off on tantrums. 13. I'm tired of being the meteor between family arguments.

14. She can see into the future; she's sidekick. 15. We saw the hunchback whales.

16. It's lost to prosperity. 17. I'd call her obeast. 18. She doesn't cow tail to anyone. 19. He's going to meter out punishment. 20. I had to rationalize my vaccine.

21. He plans to flea bargain. 22. Don't take your grandmother for granite. 23. Our town is ahead of the curve ball on this. 24. Don't quiver over the details. 25. She's no rock scientist.

26. They brought the whole kit and kabuki. 27. Let's nip it in the butt. 28. Are you going to put an RV in my arm? 29. We tried, but to no prevail. 30. Q. What was his rationale? A. I think he was a carpenter. Intended words:

1. lapsed 2. on the hog 3. pawn 4. cock and bull 5. disposition 6. deluding 7. bandits 8. skirmish 9. hand 10. pedestal 11. fogy 12. tangents 13. mediator 14. psychic 15. humpback 16. posterity 17. obese 18. kowtow 19. mete 20. ration 21. plea 22. granted 23. curve (no ball) 24. quibble 25. rocket 26. caboodle 27. bud 28. IV 29. avail 30. vocation?

Rob Kyff, a teacher and writer in West Hartford, Conn., invites your language sightings. Send your reports of misuse and abuse, as well as examples of good writing, via e-mail to Wordguy@aol.com or by regular mail to Rob Kyff, Creators Syndicate, 5777 W. Century Blvd., Suite 700, Los Angeles, CA 90045. To find out more about Rob Kyff and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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Mrs. Malaprop Is 'Allied' and Well