Deceivers 'Euph'anize the Language by Rob Kyff on Creators.com

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Deceivers 'Euph'anize the Language

Lord Spratley: Say, did you know that euphemisms help people say what they don't want to say?

Lord Stratley: You don't say!

Euphemisms are linguistic brooms that try to sweep everything — from taxes to sex to baldness — under the rug (in the case of baldness, literally under the rug). Death insurance becomes "life insurance," indecent exposure becomes a "wardrobe malfunction" and an "invasion" becomes an "incursion."

Discount stores, for instance, now call customers "guests" and employees "associates," while businesses refer to salespeople as "marketing representatives."

The airline industry, given its association with danger, discomfort and delays, is rife with sugar-coated words: life preservers are "flotation devices," first-class seating is now "business class," and the table where you place your coats, gloves and hats for security screening is called a "divestment table," as if you were shedding some low-performing stocks.

Even "euphemism" has been used euphemistically. When the character Honey in Edward Albee's play, "Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf," says she'd like to "powder her nose," George asks his wife to "show her where we keep the euphemism."

Let's put the "you" in euphemisms.

See whether you can match each euphemism with its meaning.

Euphemisms:

1) slumber box 2) industrial action 3) spend a penny 4) irregularity 5) rightsizing 6) impaired 7) revenue enhancement 8) armed reconnaissance 9) birthday suit 10) negative contribution 11) handyman's special 12) lower ground floor 13) correction 14) leverage 15) holiday ownership 16) correctional facility 17) self-deliverance 18) entourage 19) negative patient care outcome 20) public assistance 21) interfere with 22) hang paper 23) police action 24) motion discomfort 25) cash flow problem

Meanings:

A) sycophants B) tax increase C) suicide D) coffin E) death F) dilapidated house G) urinate H) welfare I) laying off workers J) borrow K) nakedness L) drop in stock prices M) constipation N) prison O) financial loss P) assault sexually Q) war R) be broke S) labor strike T) drunk V) bombing U) pass bad checks W) time share X) car, sea or air sickness Y) cellar

Answers:

1) D 2) S 3) G 4) M 5) I 6) T 7) B 8) V 9) K 10) O 11) F 12) Y 13) L 14) J 15) W 16) N 17) C 18) A 19) E 20) H 21) P 22) U 23) Q 24) X 25) R

Rob Kyff, a teacher and writer in West Hartford, Conn., invites your language sightings. Send your reports of misuse and abuse, as well as examples of good writing, via e-mail to Wordguy@aol.com or by regular mail to Rob Kyff, Creators Syndicate, 5777 W. Century Blvd., Suite 700, Los Angeles, CA 90045. To find out more about Rob Kyff and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.