Dear Margo® by Margo Howard

Dear Margo: I have been married for 21 years. We have two daughters, 17 and 9. After we married, my husband started getting really mad at me and yelling until I cried. He blamed me for everything — I was a bad housekeeper, I didn't discipline the kids properly, I was too sensitive, etc. He took a job out of state, and I discovered that, without him, our house was very calm and quiet, the girls behaved fine, and I was happy. I began to realize that his behavior was bullying and abusive, and he was immature. (He also lies.)

He is now back home, and my feelings for him have totally died. I've consulted an attorney and a divorce financial planner, but I am concerned about ruining my oldest daughter's last year of high school if we move. I have also read so many articles saying that children of divorce suffer in many ways. Therapists have been of no use (one even rationalized his behavior). I think I can make it financially. I am frugal, and we have very little debt. Can you offer any wisdom or insight that might help me? I want to do what's best for my girls. — Almost Out the Door

Dear Al: Well, you've done the hard work already: You've proved empirically that life is better without him. I do agree that children of divorce pay a price, but they also benefit from a tranquil and peaceful home, where Mom is not in tears and Dad is not declaiming at the top of his lungs about what is wrong with Mom. For kids to witness yelling and frost and no love can be more harmful than divorce.

Regarding your daughter's last year of high school, you stay in the house for at least the year and tell him to move out, which is standard operating procedure, anyway. I applaud your thoughtful decision, and my hunch is that life as a divorced woman will be better than you imagine.

Being Young and Feeling Powerless

Dear Margo: I am a teenage girl in my junior year of high school. I'm a good student — quiet, hardworking, honest. Recently, a teacher accused me of cheating on a test. She insisted I was copying answers from a piece of paper in my hand. However, I had no paper in my hand, and every answer on the test was my own. She spoke to me after class and told me that she had to report it as a cheating incident. When the report was e-mailed to my parents, it said that I had cheated on the test and was to receive a zero. This brought my B average down to an F. I thought about it and realized that I had been presumed guilty, not innocent, and there was neither proof beyond a reasonable doubt that I had cheated, nor a preponderance of the evidence that I had cheated. Therefore, this would not stand up in a court of law (neither criminal nor civil). It comes down to a "she said/she said" debate. I know there are limited rights in schools, and that teachers have more authority than students, but it can't be right for a completely innocent student to be punished for an infraction she did not commit. Can it? — Feeling Wronged

Dear Feel: Unless one of your parents is a lawyer, you have pretty good information about the law that I'd wager most teenagers do not have. I will assume you really are a teen, however, and suggest you find a way to appeal this decision to someone above your teacher. Perhaps the principal? When you say "there was not proof beyond a reasonable doubt," was there any proof? My offhand guess would be that unless the teacher confiscated the piece of paper, with some pressure you could get your B average back. — Margo, legalistically

Dear Margo is written by Margo Howard, Ann Landers' daughter. All letters must be sent via e-mail to dearmargo@creators.com. Due to a high volume of e-mail, not all letters will be answered.

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