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Dim And Her
I'm having a whirlwind romance with a man I met online on Thanksgiving. I moved across the country to live with him on December 20, and we're now building a life together. The problem is I have a high IQ (137), and he's very unintelligent and illogical. It's hard to have a good conversation unless we talk about sex. It's too late to leave now, so ... any advice on how to keep our IQ difference from ripping us apart when things are less new and exciting? I really love him, as he's pure of heart. And boy, is he sexy and great in bed! So far, I've held back from telling him when he's gullible or irrational, but I worry that I'll eventually call him something nasty — like "idiot." I don't want to hurt him. I crave his company and love him for who he is, not what he knows. — The Smarter One
Is there a chance you cheated on your IQ test? You seem to pride yourself on your intelligence, yet you spent a few weeks chitchatting on the Internet with some dull blade, dropped everything and moved across the country to live with him. Now, you two lovebirds are "building a life together" — that is, whenever you aren't too busy grumbling about needing your intellectual equal and not the coffee table's.
You might "love him for who he is," but you also despise him for who he isn't. Oops. Marriage researcher Dr. John Gottman found that expressions of contempt are the greatest predictor that a couple will go kaput. Of course, anybody you get involved with will have some annoying habits or flaws that challenge the relationship. Relatively benign bad habits are things like snoring, and for that, you can get those little strips to put on your partner's nose. What's the answer here, strapping a piece of duct tape across his mouth?
Check out your completely lame excuse for staying: "It's too late to leave now." Now check your feet. Bolted to the floorboards? If not, what's keeping you there is probably irrational thinking that economists call the "sunk cost fallacy" — deciding to keep investing in some endeavor based on what you've already invested (an unrecoverable cost) rather than assessing how your investment will pay off (if at all) in the future. People are especially prone to overvalue prior investment when their ego is also invested — like when sticking around helps them continue the fiction that they've behaved wisely in going all-in with a guy whose intellectual "spirit animal" is probably the amoeba.
Fools rush in, but the real fools find themselves facedown in a pool of "boy, was I dumb" and get busy coming up with reasons why staying there is a wise idea. In " The Folly of Fools," anthropologist Dr. Robert Trivers explains self-deceptions like yours, noting the difference between intelligence and consciousness: "You can be very bright but unconscious." When you realize you've been unconscious, you can choose to wake up and cut your losses — before you start saying cutting things to your goodhearted sexy simpleton. To live less sleepwalkingly in the future, reflect on what got you into this — what void you tried to fill by telling your rationality to shut up and go sit in the corner so you could congratulate yourself on the great love you found. And goody for you on what you actually found — some really great sex — but let's call a cabana boy a cabana boy, lest you turn a story that should be "My Hunky Winter Vacation" into a move-in special.
I'm With Cupid
What's with all the Valentine's Day haters? Some of my single friends celebrate V-Day ironically, and I sense that they look down on my boyfriend and me for celebrating it for real, as if we're just buying into a giant marketing campaign. — Romantically Uncool
Occupy Wall Street is so 2011. Trendsetting inequality haters should be occupying Hallmark: "If we don't get love, you don't get love, either," and "This is what a woman without a boyfriend looks like!" Valentine's Day has been hijacked to sell everything short of heart-shaped rubber vomit. I even got a Valentine's-linked press release pitching surveillance services. Right. Nothing says "I love you" like installing a keylogger on your partner's laptop. The louder the hyping of the day, the louder the message that somebody's a loser if they have nobody to buy a bunch of red merch for. So, your single friends' cooler-than-thou attitude is understandable, but there's something better than being cool, and it's being happy. Let them have their black-frosted cookies with the little dead cupids and their marches against romance-colored corporate greed ... well, until next year, when they're sneaking into Godiva to buy chocolates for the girl they fell in love with after they got pepper-sprayed together.
Got a problem? Write Amy Alkon, 171 Pier Ave, #280, Santa Monica, CA 90405, or email AdviceAmy@aol.com (www.advicegoddess.com). Alkon is the author of "I See Rude People: One Woman's Battle To Beat Some Manners Into Impolite Society."
COPYRIGHT 2012 AMY ALKON
DISTRIBUTED BY CREATORS.COM
It's Advice Goddess Radio! Amy Alkon answers your questions on love, dating, sex, relationships, and manners. Listen live every Sunday from 7-8 p.m. Pacific time, or download the podcast at the link. The call-in number during the show is 347-326-9761. This week, psychologist Dr. Robin Stern, Ph.D., on “gaslighting” and manipulation-proofing yourself against partners who prey on your weaknesses and break you down to get their way.
http://www.blogtalkradio.com/amyalkon/2012/02/07/advice-goddess-radio-amy-alkon
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29 Comments | Post Comment
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There's a phrase my sister used to use - "Smart in School, Dumb in Life". In other words, a high IQ is no defense against having really bad judgement when it comes to your own life.
You moved across the country to live with a guy you've known (on line) for a month. The only real surprise here would be if you *didn't* have some sort of major surprises cropping. Finding out he's dumb is a lot better than some of the other possibilities (abusive, 20 years older than his picture, still married, not actually a man)
You can't build a happy life with someone you have contempt for. Think about spending the rest of your life with someone you can't have a conversation with, whom you regard as stupid, gullible and illogical, where you have to bit your tongue every time he opens his mouth. Think about raising kids with him. The newness will wear off, you can't have great sex all the time, and even the sweetest, most pure of heart guy is going to become bitter when he figures out that his wife thinks he's an idiot and is tolerating being around him.
Bit the bullet, break up with him, explaining that he's a nice guy, but this relationship was a move of total insanity. Then use your massive IQ to figure out why you did something so monumentally unwise.
Comment: #1
Posted by: Jennifer
Wed Feb 8, 2012 1:51 AM
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There's a phrase my sister used to use - "Smart in School, Dumb in Life". In other words, a high IQ is no defense against having really bad judgement when it comes to your own life.
You moved across the country to live with a guy you've known (on line) for a month. The only real surprise here would be if you *didn't* have some sort of major surprises cropping. Finding out he's dumb is a lot better than some of the other possibilities (abusive, 20 years older than his picture, still married, not actually a man)
You can't build a happy life with someone you have contempt for. Think about spending the rest of your life with someone you can't have a conversation with, whom you regard as stupid, gullible and illogical, where you have to bit your tongue every time he opens his mouth. Think about raising kids with him. The newness will wear off, you can't have great sex all the time, and even the sweetest, most pure of heart guy is going to become bitter when he figures out that his wife thinks he's an idiot and is tolerating being around him.
Bit the bullet, break up with him, explaining that he's a nice guy, but this relationship was a move of total insanity. Then use your massive IQ to figure out why you did something so monumentally unwise.
Comment: #2
Posted by: Jennifer
Wed Feb 8, 2012 1:51 AM
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LW1: Boy for being so smart you sure are a dope. I have an IQ of 130, whoop-de-do, I know I am smart but geez I am not so full of my self as you are. Not trying to be mean but geez it sure was a bonehead move to uproot your life for some guy after talking on-line for less than a month. I could see moving after maybe 6 months but then to where you have your own place, and then really get to know him before moving in and "build your life together". It is just plain DUMB to say it is too late to leave now, why? Because you are afraid of looking stupid? Boy, you need to grow up. You have several options (1) Stay and make him (and yourself) miserable because in time that is what will happen, (2) Move out get your own place and slow it down some and see if anything improves (Probably not), (3) Break up and stay out in that area if you like it, (4) Go back, admit to family/friends that what you did was not so bright but you were thinking with you heart (and hormones) and not your head, and just deal with it. There really would not be any fallout so what is the big deal. So you look a little silly for a nanosecond.
There are many guys out there and many with whom you can have good sex. This guy, who you look down on as he cannot hold an intelligent conversation, is not the only fish in the sea, and eventually he will figure out that you don't really like him. Sure you may l ove him (doubtful, again probably hormones) but you don't like him and that is a huge hurdle to get over. You must be incredibly desperate for a guy if you think you have no choice but to stay with someone you obviously don't respect, just like to have sex with . So IMO just get out now before you dig yourself a bigger hole. Just tell him it is not working out for you , miss home, etc, and go. But making yourself stay a year or two to save face is not too bright.
Comment: #3
Posted by: L
Wed Feb 8, 2012 5:45 AM
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LW1: Get off your high horse. You are more than your IQ test. Stop acting like Mr. Spock and start accepting your boyfriend for who he is -- including the fact that sometimes all human beings are "irrational and illogical." Or just do him a favor and leave.
PS: You fall into the 99.5% of all people who have an IQ between 60-140. Congratulations. Want a cookie?
Comment: #4
Posted by: Shannon
Wed Feb 8, 2012 5:48 AM
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LW1 -- Let me guess, you actually just wrote that letter so you could tell someone what your IQ is? Well, guess what, Little Miss Mensa, apparently you are the smartest idiot around. You don't love this guy for his "pure heart," -- you love shtupping him. That's it. That's all there is. Swallow your 137-ton pride, admit this was a stupid mistake and move on. People who have been MARRIED for more than 30 years and have children together discover it is not too late to get out. You're not married, and you've been together for about a millisecond. GET OUT. Your non-Mensa candidate deserves to have someone who loves him.
LW2 -- You are kidding, right? You don't know why single people hate Valentine's Day? Seriously? Let me guess -- you're not a Mensa candidate, either.
Comment: #5
Posted by: Lisa
Wed Feb 8, 2012 7:16 AM
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Re: Jennifer
Great reply. Ironically, I think if you have to choose you are better off to be smart in life. And for the record, 137 really isn't that high so LW should really get off her pedestal 'cause it means very little. Mine is 160 but so what? I have many dear friends of varying IQ levels and all of them have things to share, and many know things I don't; I am also the daughter of a working class butcher who despite having dropped out in 9th grade is the smartest man I know. Some are very street wise, some have great common sense, and all are capable of carrying on great intelligent conversations. Can I discuss quantum physics with all of them? No, but so what? The world needs all types and everybody brings something of value; what the hell good is quantum physics if you can't fix your car or you are dumb enough to move across the country for someone you hardly know? I'd suggest therapy to find out what she is missing in life that she needs to feel so superior.
Comment: #6
Posted by: Kim
Wed Feb 8, 2012 7:44 AM
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LW1-
All these weeks chatting strinkly in writing, and you didn't notice he had nothing to talk about? You attention was evidently diverted by other things perhaps a little less intellectual. And what do you think calling him an idiot will ever accomplish, jack him up 40 points on the Mensa scale?
IF really your IQ results were genuine and there was no mix-up with someone else's, you are the living proof that emotional intelligence is not the same as intellkectual IQ... For you are behaving pretty stupidly for someone allegedly so bright. You've made your bed, now you lie in it. He's so great in it, it shouldn't be hard... as long as HE is, of course.
Sorry for the cheap puns (not so sorry), but you seem to not know that there are other things in life besides sex and looking hot. I think what you're sadly lacking is in the values department. Unfortunately, a high IQ won't give you that - it is a power line that doesn't automatically come with grounding.
It's not the lack of IQ that will rip you apart, it's your lack of a heart. And it won't rip YOU apart, it'll rip HIM. I feel sorry for this poor man, because once the novelty wears off, you'll turn into a b*tch. And his being unintelligent doesn't mean he deserves to have his heart broken, as he will.
LW2-
A lot of people ARE buying into solely a marketting campaign and there is no true feeling behind the money they spend, buying lavish gifts as they do so they don't have to fix anything else in the relationship.
A man I was with for 8 years used to say he would rather forget about Christmas, Valentine's and birthdays and be nice to the person every day. Conmpare this to my (late) ex-husband, who would jeer when I complained of his verbal/emotional/psychological abuse, "Me-e-e-e-eh. what are you conmplaining about? You got a really nice Christmas gift!", and guess who I would prefer to be with right now?
This being stated, anyone who takes for granted that everyone celebrating Valentine's day is phoney is just as guilty of shallow generalisation as the ones they are complaining about.
That is, when it's not a simple case of sour grapes.
@Jennifer, L, Shannon, Lisa AND Amy
Right on, and LOL!
@Kim
I LIKE youi
Comment: #7
Posted by: Lise Brouillette
Wed Feb 8, 2012 8:02 AM
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Wow - the first thing that came to mind after reading your letter is: What an idiot. You call HIM unintelligent and illogical? That's like the pot calling the kettle black, because he wasn't the one who moved across county to be with someone he met on line. I'm assuming you quit a job too. He's way smarter than you give him credit for - you're the cow and he's getting the milk for free without having to relocate. You're only book smart but he's street smart. Get over yourself.
Comment: #8
Posted by: j
Wed Feb 8, 2012 8:25 AM
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"Is there a chance you cheated on your IQ test?" I didn't even read further. This sentence alone made my day. Thanks! :o)
Comment: #9
Posted by: sabrina free
Wed Feb 8, 2012 8:37 AM
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FWIW, I've taken several IQ tests and have scored from 105-155. The results seemed to vary, depending on my ability to concentrate that day, the amount of rest I had before taking the test, whether or not I had recently taken a math class, the amount of pressure I was putting on myself and my overall patience with the test. IMO, an IQ test is barely one step above subjectively deciding how smart someone actually is.
Comment: #10
Posted by: Shannon
Wed Feb 8, 2012 10:10 AM
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@Shannon -- you are so right. And, for that matter, I'm assuming the LW didn't ask the guy what his IQ was, which means, for all she knows, his is HIGHER than hers.
@Lise B -- Yup, I'm with you. I'd just add that perhaps she was only interested in his "other head's" IQ!
Comment: #11
Posted by: Lisa
Wed Feb 8, 2012 10:49 AM
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LW1's boyfriend sounds like the character of "Jason" on True Blood (Sookie's brother... absolutely gorgeous, a total sex machine but not the brightest bulb in the chandelier). I would say that she should learn to appreciate his ass(ets), and find other friends to hold deep intellectual conversations with.
This is assuming that she's understanding him accurately. He may have "street sense," i.e., be intelligent in ways she doesn't yet understand. Her notion that she "can't" leave him is silly, but a better question is whether there's any reason she should. If she can let go of her unreasonable expectations of the guy, the relationship may yet work out.
To LW2 - I've never cared for Valentine's day. It's a contrived, manipulative, totally commercial holiday that exists primarily as a means of extracting money from people. I once dated a guy who worried about it more than I did, probably because other women had made such a stink when he ignored it. I had to convince him I didn't care at all about it. I'd rather get a little gift or hug from my husband spontaneously, than because it's a particular day of the year.
Comment: #12
Posted by: sarah morrow
Wed Feb 8, 2012 1:06 PM
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That intelligence-challenged man just might surprise her one day by doing something brilliant. Dumping her.
Comment: #13
Posted by: Mike
Wed Feb 8, 2012 4:49 PM
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Re: Lise Brouillette
Thanks Lisa, I think your posts are great! My ex hb was a mechanic, not very book smart, but brought his own talents to the table. I never looked down on him but ironically he looked down on me cause I guess I didn't know my place as a woman. We had problems, thus the ex part, but his lack of conventional book smarts was not one of them.
Comment: #14
Posted by: Kim
Wed Feb 8, 2012 5:08 PM
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LW2: You ARE buying into a big marketing campaign, and your friends may not be jealous of you - has it occurred to you that they may find you terribly annoying and even arrogant? Unless your friends are actively sabotaging your relationship, leave them to celebrate this overhyped day as they want - and no, having a boyfriend does not make you better than them or an object of envy.
Comment: #15
Posted by: R
Wed Feb 8, 2012 8:38 PM
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LW1: Intelligence comes in diffferent flavors. Your guy was apparently reasonably literate online for you to have given him a second look--some people write more easily than they talk. Have you bothered to find out what he is interested in and does know about? Is he musical,artistic,good with his hands? I'm bright enough to have gone through college on a full-bore National Merit Scbolarship, and married a man who had had to quit school to go to work at 15. However,he was far from dumb. Didn't read easily, but enjoyed talking to people--much like my dad, who said he'd never met someone he couldn't learn something from. Stop expecting him to think just like you, and I'll bet you'll find that there is good-but different--mind in there,
Comment: #16
Posted by: partsmom
Wed Feb 8, 2012 9:09 PM
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Re: Kim
Twice my father married a woman who was not the brightest lighthouse at the seaside... My mother was not only not bright, but she only had a 4th grade education, although at that time it came with a diploma and the assurance that the person could at least read, write and count. But there wasn't a thing she couldn't do with her hands - it's not from my father that I inherited my talent for crafts.
Back in the 70s when I was still married, there was once a 20-questions test in Reader's Digest, "Should you try for Mensa?" Both my father and I scored 18/20, my ex 17/20 (and then spent the next six months explaining why he should have had 19), and my stepmother... didn't even understand the questions. It didn't bother her one bit, she knows she has other assets - namely, she's a cordon-bleu cook and her sentivity to children's needs and secret thoughts is close to psychic ability.
I know someone who is a card-holding Mensa member, meaning he scores at least 140. The man is a COMPLETE MORON when it comes to social graces and diplomacy 101.
There are many kinds of intelligence, and it's a very rare person who possesses them all. And even then.... it's not a guarantee of success or happiness.
What is a guarantee is that everyone has something to teach others - the truth will not only come from the mouth of babes, but also occasionally of the not bright. Even a broken clock is right twice a day.
P.S.: Many men are intellectually intelligent, but emotionally so retarded and insecure that they brook no contradiction, especially from their woman. Keeping women illeterate and pregnant was and still is a great way to keep them "in their place".
Comment: #17
Posted by: Lise Brouillette
Thu Feb 9, 2012 10:41 AM
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@partsmom -- you are absolutely right about intelligence coming in many flavors (and I love the way you expressed that, by the way!). I can't help thinking that pointing this out to the LW isn't particularly useful because: if she's really that smart, she already knows this -- and apparently she still only values HER "flavor," so I'm thinking she needs to find someone whose intelligence she can value (and let this guy find someone who loves him without contempt -- he deserves better). So, you are correct, and I agree with you 100% -- I just think we're wasting our breath.
Comment: #18
Posted by: Lisa
Thu Feb 9, 2012 12:09 PM
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@R -- yes, LW2 and her BF are buying into a marketing campaign, as are a whole bunch of other people, but honestly, the same could be said for almost every single holiday out there (let's face it, Christmas was never supposed to be about presents, but for a LOT of people, that's what it's all about). In fact, you could say the same thing about birthdays. But, just as there's no reason for those who are part of happy couples to look down their noses at those who are single (happy or otherwise) on Valentine's Day (or ever, for that matter), there's also really no reason for anyone to be looking down his/her nose at couples who do like to celebrate V-Day. And it's no coincidence that the people I hear the most vociferous anti-V-Day rants from are, inevitably, unhappily single. Nothing wrong with being single, in my mind, if you are happy that way, just as I would say there's nothing wrong with not liking salmon if you are happy that way, or there's nothing wrong with not knowing how to swim if you're happy that way. But if you are NOT happy being single and wish you were part of a couple, the answer isn't to make snide remarks to and belittle someone who IS part of a couple. I would FAR prefer to be single and happy then married and miserable, so I do not subscribe to the "everything's better as a couple" mentality or the "you can't be happy unless you are part of a couple" mentality. That's BS of the highest order.
My husband and I always try to do SOMETHING for Valentine's Day -- could be as simple as cooking a special meal together at home, could be as elaborate as getting away for a weekend. It's not that we are hung up on Valentine's Day, or that we don't try to be loving all year 'round -- but there isn't a couple on the face of the earth who hasn't occasionally taken each other for granted and who couldn't use an "excuse" to remind themselves and each other of why they got together in the first place and why they want to stay together.
And BTW, I also don't see anything wrong with some of the anti-Valentine's Day celebrations that a lot of bars host. Who couldn't use an excuse to get out of the house and just go out and have a good time? But if you're going to suggest that couples who celebrate Valentine's Day are buying into a massive marketing campaign, you have to admit, so are the singles who are heading off to the Anti-Valentine's Day celebrations at the bars!
Comment: #19
Posted by: Lisa
Thu Feb 9, 2012 12:25 PM
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LW1: Wow, you are so very intelligent. I'm just so amazed at how smart you are. Look at what wonderful decisions you've made and now you're so happy with them you can't figure out what to do except write in to an advice columnist. Yeah, you're freaking brilliant. Don't breed.
LW2: Huh? What? Come again? Your friends celebrate it ironically while they seemingly look down their noses at you for being romantic? LOL - Project much? Don't breed.
Comment: #20
Posted by: Diana
Thu Feb 9, 2012 11:21 PM
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Re: Kim
You rock - loved your explanation on intelligence. I wish more people saw it that way. I am in science and have an MS and am tired of people acting like I am a genius. My husband has a HS diploma but worked on computers as they were developing and can fix just about any problem we come across, not to mention his ability to handle all of our investments. My cousin has a degree in finance and I can feel like a dope listening to hear talk about the stock market. One of my jobs (I like variety) is to teach organic chemistry to nursing majors. Their professor treats them like they are morons for not understanding some pretty intense material and I spend the lab re-teaching everything and telling them how great what they are going to do is and how I could never do it. Everyone has their strengths and weaknesses and I agree that if LW1 has such an issue w/ her boyfriend, it is time to move on.
As for LW2 - even people in very happy, stable relationships think Valentine's Day is BS. To quote Justin Halpern's dad (Shit my dad says): "Valentine's Day is BS. Our DNA demands that we f@#& each other, so if you need a holiday to to talk your wife into screwing you, it's over."
Comment: #21
Posted by: Melissa
Fri Feb 10, 2012 12:26 AM
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LW1: If he has something to say only when its about sex then believe me he is in this relationship only for sex. I bet he can see that you want to talk about something else other than sex and he does not care to make an effort. When the novelty wears off he will not remain that golden heart boy also. When that happens I hope you will be able to use your IQ to walk off.
Comment: #22
Posted by: surefoot
Sat Feb 11, 2012 12:33 AM
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Yeah, these BLT folks are right, LW 1--you're so dumb. I have a 150 IQ and I would never think about following my lonely heart across the country for some lovin'. I would keep my 161 IQ here in my hometown and keep looking love in the same old place I've unsuccessfully tried in the past. I mean, what's the worst that can happen? I end up entertaining myself by responding bitterly to advice letter writers, slipping in the fact I have an IQ of 175? It ain't so bad. I'm in good company, anyway. Besides, it's not like I am bragging and not humble about my 182 IQ. I mean, I married a knucklehead, too. But, I'm different cause I don't trot out my IQ stat of 188 for comparison. No, I keep that tidbit to myself. Really, I do.
Comment: #23
Posted by: Curl
Sat Feb 11, 2012 10:17 AM
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Re: sarah morrow
If they guy looks like "Jason", I wouldn't care HOW dumb he is. TV Guide has a year-end best dressed section, and a few years ago the actor that plays him won the first and only time ever category of "best un-dressed"
Comment: #24
Posted by: C Meier
Sat Feb 11, 2012 12:57 PM
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I am a card carrying member of Mensa. But all they rate for an IQ test is verbal, math, and some geometric stuff. The don't test for creative, mechanical ability, etc. Probably no way to really do that.
Both my high school boyfriend and my husband dropped out of school as soon as they turned 16. Neither is by any means stupid. School just wasn't my boyfriend's thing - he went to Texas and worked on the oil rigs, which is a dangerous job that takes a lot of skill. When he came back to where I live, he started working at an energy company, and by the time he was 25, he was a district manager.
My husband is an extremely talented musician. He can listen to a song he's never heard, pick a little on his guitar to get the feel of it during the first verse, and be playing it like he's known it for years by the end of the song. I am totally in awe of that skill, as I am with any of the arts.
He can also take apart, fix and put back together anything with an engine.
Both guys can hold intelligent, if not "intellectual" conversations, but I have friends for the really deep stuff.
If he REALLY only wants to talk about sex, that's a problem, but maybe she just doesn't want to talk about the things that he is good at (other than sex) and interested in. And no, she does not love him for who he is, as she claims, or she wouldn't have written this letter.
And it should go without saying that she can't be all that smart is she moved across country for a guy that she met on-line less than a month earlier.
Comment: #25
Posted by: C Meier
Sun Feb 12, 2012 8:02 AM
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LW1—“I'm having a whirlwind romance with a man I met online on Thanksgiving. I moved across the country to live with him on December 20, and we're now building a life together. The problem is I have a high IQ (137), and he's very unintelligent and illogical.” Let me get this straight. You met a man on-line in November, and then pulled up stakes and moved clear across the country to be with him in December? And now you're concerned because the two of you have little in common except what's between the sheets. And your boyfriend's the idiot? You're living proof that IQ scores mean absolutely nothing when it comes to good old fashioned common sense. There's not much you can do to suddenly impart the wisdom of the ages upon your sweet but dim-witted boyfriend. On the other hand, you can control yourself, presumably, so I suggest you climb down off your high horse and come on down back to Earth with the rest of us where a reality check will reveal that in the midst of your lust; you created a fairy tale fantasy in your mind that reality simple can't reconcile. My advice to you is twofold. First, cool your jets with Mr. Stud Muffin so you can gain some perspective and secondly, take a good hard look in the mirror to figure out why an apparently intelligent woman would sacrifice so much just to get laid by a guy she barely knows. As an aside, you may want to re-take your IQ test. I think there might have been some mistake with your last one.
Comment: #26
Posted by: Chris
Sun Feb 12, 2012 9:04 AM
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One more thing about intelligence -
Brilliance of the mind can come with insanity, it can also come with evil. Hitler's death doctors were intelligent. Hitler himself was an oratory virtuoso, Joseph Goebbels a propaganda genius. Serial killers are intelligent. Osama bin Laden is intelligent.
It is not the intelligence that defines what you are as a human being, it's what you do with it and what you choose to serve with it. Genius coupled with a lack of conscience will have no values and no humanity. It can only be destructive.
Comment: #27
Posted by: Lise Brouillette
Tue Feb 14, 2012 6:22 AM
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Interesting - if this super smart woman is unable to have a conversation with someone not of her intellect, then I must be super super smart because I can hold conversations (lengthy) with people of varied intellect.
I wonder if she is smart enough to know how arrogant and ridiculous she sounds? Poor guy. A good rule of thumb is if you can see a future of cruelty to the man you are "in love" with (ha ha ha!), then you should leave immediately; it's always good not to become an abuser.
Have to agree with Sarah Morrow on Valentine's Day. I usually try to slink past it without any recognition. But had the best one today - was wished a happy V-Day this morning and there will be no obligatory flowers, presents, or red crap that I have to keep because now it has sentimental value (I hate clutter.)
Comment: #28
Posted by: kristen
Tue Feb 14, 2012 8:30 AM
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Aww, wasn't that uncharacteristically sweet and sentimental of Amy Alkon, to give her BTL a Valentine's Day (a week early) column guaranteed to cause everybody to sing in such close harmony, all customary strife forgotten?
What a gimme. This LW was just *begging* for a savaging, and everyone came through for her like troupers. She even elicited a snicker-inducing snarl from the normally soft-spoken Lisa.
But I'm torn, I truly am. Y'all're in such lolsome fettle, I can't decide who has the most suitable post this time. I heartily agree with every one.
Perhaps Diana's “Don't breed” takes it, for sheer concision.
***
But seriously folks.
I think of operating one's life as like operating a complex machine.
I.Q. is the juice. It's great to have a lot of electricity zipping around the old brain-pan. I would lots rather have it than lack it.
But if the instruction manual is battered, torn, smudged with dirt, with pages missing, and in an obscure foreign dialect, you aren't going to be able to operate your machine very well, no matter how much juice you have.
And if you can't find your road map, all the juice in the world isn't going to take you anywhere you want to go.
Comment: #29
Posted by: Khlovia
Wed Feb 15, 2012 10:31 PM
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