DR. WALLACE: I'm 16 and have been pressured for sex from my boyfriend. So far I have been able to keep him at bay, but lately he has been asking me if I am a virgin. I tell him that it's none of his business, but he insists that it is his right to know. He has already told me that he is not a virgin.

Last night he deduced that I am not a virgin or I would have been proud to tell him that I was one. Every day we spend a lot of time discussing my virginity, or lack of it, makes me upset. I like this guy, but I don't know how to handle this problem. Help! — Nicole, Oakland, Calif.

NICOLE: Your personal life is nobody's business but yours. He's pulling a “con” job on you. If you tell him you're a virgin, he will say it's time to have your first sexual experience because you both “love” each other. If you tell him you aren't a virgin, he will use that information to his advantage.

Tell this guy that you like him, but if he cares about you, he will no longer press you for sex nor will he inquire about your personal life. If he continues, dump him.

KEEP AWAY FROM BAD-TEMPERED CO-WORKER

DR. WALLACE: I'm 19 and Thomas is 21; we both work in the same office. We started saying “hi” about two weeks after he was hired. Two weeks later, we were dating and have been seeing each other socially for the past four months. Thomas is handsome, intelligent and has a marvelous sense of humor. We have lots of fun when we're together, and he has been a perfect gentleman.

Last week, one of the other female employees said she felt she had to tell me something. She told me that she heard that Thomas was arrested a year ago for physical abuse against a girl he was dating.

When I confronted Thomas about this, he admitted it. He said they were at a party and the girl was flirting with another guy — he just lost his cool and punched her several times in the face. All this took place at the party. The police were called and Thomas was arrested. He said that's the only time he ever became physical with a female, and it would never happen again.

I'm shocked at what he did to his date. I'm not sure I could trust him not to be physically abusive to me. Please give me your opinion. — Sidney, Orlando, Fla.

SIDNEY: Stop debating. Eliminate Thomas from your life immediately. He didn't simply argue with his date when she upset him, he punched her in the face — in public. His behavior reveals an ugly temper. It can't simply be glossed over with the words, “It won't happen again.” It will. The guy needs counseling, big time.

CONTINUE SEARCH FOR DREAM GIRL

DR. WALLACE: The girl of my dreams just got married. We dated for over a year until she met the guy who is now her husband. I'm shocked that she left me because there were times she said she loved me with all her heart and soul. I really think she still loves me, but I don't know why she married someone else.

What should I do? — Nameless, Lake Charles, La.

NAMELESS: The girl of your dreams is still waiting for you to find her. Your search should begin immediately.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. E-mail him at rwallace@galesburg.net. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

COPYRIGHT 2008 CREATORS SYNDICATE INC.

TWEEN 12 & 20

BY DR. ROBERT WALLACE

RELEASE TUESDAY, OCTOBER 28, 2008, AND THEREAFTER

Teen Needs to Confront Boyfriend About His Drinking and Driving

DR. WALLACE: I'm 19 and dating a guy two years older. We have been together for over a year. Phil is a great guy and I like him a lot. He doesn't take drugs or smoke cigarettes, but he does drink. Most of the time he can control the amount of alcohol he drinks; however, sometimes he still drives his car after a bit too much and I'm with him.

I tell him that he shouldn't drive when he has been drinking, but he says that I'm just nagging him and that he can drive after drinking. He also tells me that he has never been in an accident after drinking.

What can I do to make him realize that his first accident could also be his last? — Angel, El Paso, Texas.

ANGEL: Before you worry about Phil, you need to protect yourself. The next time he drinks, do not ride with him. Have a sober friend take you home, or call your parents and have a family member pick you up. This might be the best way for you to “wake” Phil up and make him aware that you will no longer ride with him after he has consumed alcohol. Tell him that if this unacceptable behavior continues, you will no longer be “nagging” him because you won't be seeing him.

Make sure he reads the following message from someone who lost a dear friend because of an alcohol-related crash:

DR. WALLACE: Last month my friend had her life snuffed out by a drunk driver. Lenore was coming home after attending an evening college class. It was about 10:30 p.m. when Lenore and her friend decided to pull into a fast-food restaurant to get a snack. As she stopped to wait for a car in the opposite lane to pass, her automobile was struck from the rear by a car driven by a drunken lady that didn't even apply her brakes.

Lenore was dead on arrival at a local hospital and her friend suffered multiple broken bones. The woman who caused the accident told authorities that she had consumed nine or 10 drinks in two hours at a friend's birthday party. She was so drunk, she never saw Lenore's car; she'd been trying to light a cigarette with her car cigarette lighter.

Lenore was a beautiful, caring and happy friend who wanted to teach young children. One moment she was a vibrant, healthy, intelligent human being, and the next moment she was a lifeless, crumpled body — all because someone decided to get smashed drunk, get behind the wheel of a 4,000-pound vehicle and drove it without control of her mind.

In the twinkling of an eye, I lost my friend forever. This void will never leave me, nor will it leave her parents, sisters and brothers, and her many other friends. All this sorrow and grief was because of one drunk driver.

I hope my painful message will encourage your teen readers to never drink and drive as well as never ride with a driver who has been drinking. — Nameless, Sacramento, Calif.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. E-mail him at rwallace@galesburg.net. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

COPYRIGHT 2008 CREATORS SYNDICATE INC.

TWEEN 12 & 20

BY DR. ROBERT WALLACE

RELEASE WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 29, 2008, AND THEREAFTER

Living Together Before Marriage Won't Strengthen the Couple's Relationship

DR. WALLACE: I'm 19 and my boyfriend is 22. We are in a serious relationship and love each other very much. Jason wants us to get an apartment together. Currently, he's rooming with one of his friends and I'm living at home with my parents.

I guess I'm old-fashioned, but I'm not thrilled about living with a guy before we're married. Besides, my parents would be very unhappy if we lived together without a marriage license.

Jason is an intelligent and astute guy. He plans out everything, and then follows the plan 100 percent. He said that eventually we will get married, but before we do, he wants to make sure we're compatible. He also has the theory that couples that live together first have a much better chance of having a successful marriage.

What scares me is that I could become pregnant and he might move away — I would be left to deal with the problem by myself. I'm almost positive he would never abandon me if I got pregnant, but it could happen. We live in a very different world after 9/11 and things could change.

Do you have any data concerning marital success after a couple has lived together before saying “I do”? — Nameless, Talladega, Ala.

NAMELESS: Your boyfriend's theory is all wet. Cohabitation makes a lousy foundation for a strong marriage. Several years ago, researchers at Brigham Young University reviewed 50 years of data on this issue and found that couples who live together before marriage are 50 percent more likely to wind up divorcing than couples who don't.

“We find strong evidence that the marriages of those who lived together first are less satisfying and more unstable than those who didn't,” the researchers said.

The problems with living together before marriage include: Later regret by couples violating their moral standards; tension with parents over the live-in arrangement; and disillusionment when living together didn't pave the way for a perfect marriage.

When cohabitating partners marry, many times one or both feel a loss of personal freedom; they can't just take off when things go wrong. Living together and playing house can sound exciting, but doing it the old-fashioned way — playing house after being wed — could keep the couple together, “till death do we part.”

FASTING ISN'T AN EASY SOLUTION FOR LOSING WEIGHT

DR. WALLACE: I've read about a fast Hindus do to cleanse their bodies of impurities. I'd like to wash my body of 20 pounds, and I was told that I could lose about a pound a day if I drank only water. In three weeks, I would be down to my desired weight. My mother doesn't like the idea of fasting for three weeks, but will go along with it if it's considered safe. Is fasting safe? — Leah, Reno, Nev.

LEAH: No. Going on a water-only diet for three weeks is definitely a bad idea, especially for a young person who is still developing. When a person fasts, he or she loses fat as well as muscle tissue. This could be disastrous for teens, whose bodies are undergoing rapid changes due to growth spurts. Adolescence is a time when the body should be adding lean tissue not subtracting it. Fasting may also cause a loss of bone tissue, which could stunt a teen's natural growth.

Sorry, Leah, but there is no shortcut to weight loss. The only sensible way to lose weight is through a regimen of daily exercise and a well-balanced diet containing plenty of fruits and vegetables.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. E-mail him at rwallace@galesburg.net. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

COPYRIGHT 2008 CREATORS SYNDICATE INC.

TWEEN 12 & 20

BY DR. ROBERT WALLACE

RELEASE THURSDAY, OCTOBER 30, 2008, AND THEREAFTER

Teen Needs to Move on Because Crush Lives So Far Away

DR. WALLACE: While attending my aunt's wedding, I spent five glorious days in Palm Springs with my family. I say glorious because it was there that I met a super guy who was also at the wedding with his parents. We spent four full days falling in love, and we both cried when it came time to leave that desert oasis.

The problem is that Jack is from Milwaukee, about 2,000 miles away, and I think that I am about to go crazy because I miss him. He is such a sweet guy; I'm positive that some Milwaukee girl is going to nab him before I get a chance to see him again, whenever that might be.

Should I contact him and say how I feel about him, or should I just cry myself to sleep every night thinking about him? — Tammy, Lodi, Calif.

TAMMY: You've got a large case of the “absence makes the heart grow fonder” blues. I know you constantly relive those exciting days in Palm Springs, but you're in California and Jack is in Milwaukee — it might be quite some time before you see him again, if ever.

Stay in contact with Jack; love sometimes overcomes all odds, but don't sit around waiting for Cupid's arrow. Enjoy an active social life in Lodi, just in case the arrow misses your heart.

AVOID LEAVING FIANCEE FOR OLD CRUSH

DR. WALLACE: This might sound too absurd to be true, but unfortunately it is real. I'm 20 and dating a wonderful young woman. She is everything a guy could ever want in a gal; we plan to be married in the near future.

Now comes the problem. Three years ago I worked with a young woman named Rhonda. We never dated, but we became close friends. During our friendship, I found myself falling in love with her, but I didn't have the courage to tell her. When she got married last year, I felt crushed. After she married, I felt I had to move on with my life. Soon I was dating Kelly, who is now my fiancée.

Well, everything was going smoothly until I ran into Rhonda the other day. She said she wasn't happy living with her husband and, in fact, she really loved me. She said she would divorce her husband if I would promise to marry her.

We are both 20 years old, so we aren't kids. Now I'm really confused. I do love Kelly very much, but I think I might love Rhonda a little bit more. What should I do? — Nameless, Indianapolis.

NAMELESS: There's no worse torture than too much choice. Rhonda and you apparently both blew it by not expressing your feelings when something could have come of it.

Now it's too late. She's married and you're betrothed. If you broke your solemn promises on the whim of “something better” coming along, you would only be demonstrating that neither of you is ready to make a serious commitment. The fact is that both of you already have made such dedications.

Don't look for an escape hatch to true happiness — there is no such thing. And don't break your engagement because Rhonda wants to leave her marriage.

You asked Kelly to marry you because you loved her. I think you should trust this choice.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. E-mail him at rwallace@galesburg.net. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

COPYRIGHT 2008 CREATORS SYNDICATE INC.

TWEEN 12 & 20

BY DR. ROBERT WALLACE

RELEASE FRIDAY, OCTOBER 31, 2008, AND THEREAFTER

Teen Must Find an Attorney if Interested in Adopting

DR. WALLACE: I am a 20-year-old (soon to be 21) single woman and don't think that I will be married or have children. Still, I would like to be a mother by adopting a baby.

A friend of mine has a sister who is eight months pregnant, and she wants to give the baby to me. Is this permissible? Is it possible for a single person to adopt a baby? Please answer my question as this is very important for me.

I will be granted $250,000 from my grandmother's estate the day I turn 21 and plan to invest these funds wisely. I work full-time as a legal secretary and will have no problem with funding for the baby. My mother has agreed to take care of the baby while I'm working. — Nameless, Newark, N.J.

NAMELESS: A mother can't just “give away” her baby; transfer of custody of a child is a legal procedure. But yes, in certain cases, it is possible for single adults to be awarded a child through adoptive means.

However, it will be necessary for you to seek the assistance of an attorney, preferably one who specializes in adoptions.

FORGET EX-BOYFRIEND AND FOCUS ON CARING FOR BABY

DR. WALLACE: I'm 18 and just had a baby. The guy I was dating decided to break up two days before the baby was born. He's 25 and a kind person. I still love and care for him a lot. The problem is that he's scared to let his emotions go, since he was hurt by another girl.

He says that we'd never make it together, but I think we can if he'd give it a try. I know he still cares for me, but he's afraid that I'm going to hurt him. I don't want to harm him in anyway — all I want to do is love him in every possible way. I need him.

We had been going together the last six months of my pregnancy and now this happened. Now he's dating another 18-year-old girl. I don't know what to do. Will you please help me? He is not the baby's father. — Shawna, Oakland, Calif.

SHAWNA: Your prime responsibility is the safety and welfare of your precious baby. The baby's biological father is obligated to give you financial support. If he's not doing so, please, for the baby's sake, seek legal assistance.

Focus on being a loving mother and give up any thought of going with this man again. He didn't love you!

Having a baby requires dedication and responsibility. This child's welfare is now your prime focus. If you put your all into it, you will be an excellent mother.

In time, you will fall in love with Mr. Right who will not be just a loving husband, but also a loving father to your child. A marriage born with unconditional love is everlasting. Your day will come.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. E-mail him at rwallace@galesburg.net. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

COPYRIGHT 2008 CREATORS SYNDICATE INC.

TWEEN 12 & 20

BY DR. ROBERT WALLACE

RELEASE SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 1, 2008, AND THEREAFTER

Mother Needs to Give Her Daughter Space and More Independence

DR. WALLACE: I'm a mother of a 14-year-old daughter, and I guess you will call me unwise and overprotective because I'm what you would call a snooper.

I love my daughter more than life and want to know everything that takes place in her life. I snoop in her room, in her closets and in her dresser drawers. I read all of her notes, her diary and her computer files. I even listen to some of her telephone conversations.

Parents who don't spy because they trust little Nancy or Bobby are making a huge mistake. Many times I have followed my daughter just to make sure she went where she says she was going. Without knocking, I walk into her bedroom to see what she might be doing. So far, she has been squeaky clean; I intend for her to stay that way.

I know that you badmouth snoopers, but just because you have a doctorate degree doesn't mean that you are right, does it? — Mother, San Antonio.

MOTHER: No parenting philosophy is perfect and all parents make mistakes, but I am far more comfortable erring on the side of trust than using your method, which is to keep your teen under almost prison-like scrutiny at all times. Even your term “squeaky clean” is law enforcement terminology. What has she done to deserve such treatment?

What you don't mention in your letter is the downside to all this surveillance; I'd be surprised if there wasn't a huge resentment smoldering beneath the surface. And if there isn't, I'd be worried about your daughter's lack of self-esteem.

Instead of spying, be observant. Know who your teen's friends are, where they go and what they do. You shouldn't have to snoop to know if your teen is drinking, smoking or doing drugs. Take time to talk to your daughter about every aspect of her life, including sex.

Being willing to listen when she approaches you for discussion will help you understand her concerns and will provide you the information you need to guide her to make wise decisions. Parents who encourage open communication in all areas are far less likely to have troubled kids.

All teens need privacy. Reading diaries and personal mail, entering rooms without knocking and listening to phone calls should be taboo. Parents who create an atmosphere of permanent mistrust in the home are begging their teen to act out in some way. “Why shouldn't I?” the teen is likely to ask herself. “Mom and Dad don't trust me anyway.”

Wise parents provide teens with space to be a teen — gently, carefully and observantly letting go. Parents must guide their teens when necessary, but never fail to encourage their independence. Parents are encouraged to limit privacy only in extreme situations when teens have shattered trust; they need to become more aware of their leisure time, especially when they are with their friends. Many times, peer pressure is more potent than parental influence.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. E-mail him at rwallace@galesburg.net. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

COPYRIGHT 2008 CREATORS SYNDICATE INC.