DR. WALLACE: I am a prisoner behind bars and will be for two more years. I'm married to a wonderful wife and have two lovely daughters. I'm locked up because I made a very bad decision two years ago, and I'm now paying for my stupid behavior. When I'm free, I'm going to walk the "straight and narrow" for the rest of my life. I love my wife and daughters more than I can tell you; they are my inspiration to go on living.

Several months ago, you told a girl not to hang around for her boyfriend who was sentenced to prison for seven years. You were wrong when you said that those waiting for prisoners to be released are actually prisoners themselves. Did you really mean that? My wife is waiting for me and she is in no way a prisoner. — Nameless, Marion, Ill.

NAMELESS: An 18-year-old girl wrote that her boyfriend had been sentenced to prison for a term not to exceed nine years. She asked me if I thought she should be faithful to him and wait for him to be released. I advised her to live her life and not to wait nine years to renew the relationship.

But if she had been married to the prisoner, loved him, and felt that his criminal ways had ended, I would have encouraged her to wait for him by staying active: taking classes, attending church and spending time with friends.

I'm thrilled that your family is your inspiration and wish you many happy, productive years as a model citizen.

DON'T BE SCARED: ASK HER ON A DATE

DR. WALLACE: I am a 16-year-old guy with a problem. My buddy was dating Shelley, but now they have stopped dating. Shelley and I have become good friends. I see her every day at summer school and we talk every night on the telephone. She has helped me straighten out my religious life, and I'm grateful to her for that.

My problem is that I'd like to ask her out, but I don't know how to ask her. I am not sure if she would even go out with me. I really care about her and have told her so. I can talk to her about almost anything — except about going out with me. Please help! — Ken, Dothan, Ala.

KEN: There are a few things on this earth that a guy must do for himself — one is to ask a girl for a date. Read "The Courtship of Miles Standish," by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, and discover the big mistake made by Miles. (He tried to get his friend John Alden to do the asking for him, but it backfired.)

I'm aware that it isn't as easy as it sounds; however, the more you think about it, the worse it will get. The fear of failure and rejection is ever-present, but believe me, if the answer is going to be no, you're better off finding out sooner rather than later. No amount of preparatory self-torture will change the way she feels about you.

There's only one certainty: If you don't ask, nothing will happen! In all likelihood, Shelley is waiting for you to ask her out. You needn't make this first date a big deal. Go on a study date or possibly a school activity or a church function.

The next time you are talking with her at school, say something like, "Shelley, I really would like to go out with you. How about going to the game with me next Friday?"

You've got everything to gain and nothing to lose.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. E-mail him at rwallace@galesburg.net. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

COPYRIGHT 2008 CREATORS SYNDICATE INC.

TWEEN 12 & 20

BY DR. ROBERT WALLACE

RELEASE TUESDAY, AUGUST 19, 2008, AND THEREAFTER

Husband Must Seek Help for Emotional Problem

DR. WALLACE: Allen and I were high school sweethearts; we married a year after we graduated from high school. When we were dating, he was the sweetest guy on earth. That's what made me love him and, eventually, marry him. The first six months of marriage was perfect. We had jobs, saved our money and looked to our future with great anticipation.

One night he wanted to eat in our living room because he was watching a football game on TV. I asked him to eat at the dining room table, since I didn't want to eat alone and was afraid he would spill food on our new couch. He told me to shut up, that I wasn't his mother, and that he would eat anywhere he wanted.

This shocked me — this was the first time he ever spoke this way to me. I ate at the table while he ate in the living room. After I finished eating, I went into the living room to see if Allen was still grouchy. When I went to sit on the couch with him, he told me to get lost.

Then I got angry. I told him to get lost and that the house was mine just as much as his. Then he went ballistic. He grabbed me by my arms and pushed me to the floor. Then he screamed, "Don't you ever talk to me that way again, or I'll put you in the hospital for a long stay."

He looked and acted like a total stranger; he really made me scared. I went to get up, but he kicked me in the back of my head and knocked me down again. I started crying and curled up in a ball for protection. He then left the house, slamming the door on his way out.

I didn't know what to do so I called my parents — they drove over and took me to their house. My father was so angry that he wanted to break Allen's neck. My mother and I made dad promise to settle down and behave himself. He did.

It's now two days later and I'm still at my parents' house. I have gone to work, but I haven't been home since Allen's bizarre behavior.

Yesterday he called and apologized. He said that he loves me and will never yell at me or physically abuse me again. I believe him and want to go home to give him another chance.

My parents want me to call the police to have him arrested and then start divorce proceedings. They said that he is an abuser who will continue to abuse me and then apologize after each incident. I'm really confused. I will appreciate your response. — Nameless, Kingman, Ariz.

NAMELESS: Your husband has an emotional problem that is out of control. Do not return home until he admits he has an issue, agrees to seek professional treatment, and is in a program that will help him overcome it. Rarely can someone with this type of emotional disturbance overcome it alone — and the recovery rate is zero for those who won't admit they have a problem.

If Allen refuses to get help, take your parents' advice and end the marriage. If you don't, you could spend your entire life being a battered wife.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. E-mail him at rwallace@galesburg.net. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

COPYRIGHT 2008 CREATORS SYNDICATE INC.

TWEEN 12 & 20

BY DR. ROBERT WALLACE

RELEASE WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 20, 2008, AND THEREAFTER

Teen Needs to Convince Dad that She Can be Trusted

DR. WALLACE: I'm a 16-year-old young lady who lives with a 13-year-old brother and a father. My mother died four years ago. I love my father very much. I'm aware that it has been difficult for him to hold the family together; he has to be a full-time father and a part-time mother to two active teenagers.

My dad said I could start dating when I turned 16. That's when I started going out with Tyler. He is a great guy and we have a good relationship. Tyler is captain of our basketball team, a member of the honor society and an Eagle Scout.

Last night my father saw us kissing in Tyler's car in front of our house. Actually, it was only a goodnight peck, not a passionate one that could lead to other things. When I came inside, my father told me that he was disappointed in me for making out with Tyler in his car. I think it's the "car thing" that concerned him.

What hurt me and made me cry was when my father said, "I thought that I could trust you." It's like he thought I had done something terribly wrong. All Tyler and I have done is hug, kiss and hold hands — that's all.

My father and I need to have a little chat, but I don't know what to say. Can you please help me? — Nameless, Santa Ana, Calif.

NAMELESS: It's an excellent idea to have that chat with your father. Start out by telling him that you love him and would never violate the trust he has in you. Spell out Tyler's good points, emphasizing that he respects your high moral standards. Make sure that Tyler spends time with your father while at your house. The better dad gets to know Tyler, the more he will trust him with the love of his life — you!

And make sure your father reads this column. It will go a long way in convincing him how mature you really are.

QUIT SMOKING BEFORE STARTING A DIET

DR. WALLACE: I'm an 18-year-old woman who happens to be a little overweight. I also smoke. I want to lose about 15 pounds and quit smoking. My problem is that I will put on even more weight if I stop smoking first; however, if I diet first, I don't know if I will ever stop smoking for fear that I will gain weight. I know I can't diet and quiet smoking at the same time. Help! — Kayla, Greenville, Miss.

KAYLA: The typical weight gain of a withdrawing smoker totals about 7 pounds. It has been calculated that the physical effects of smoking are akin to carrying an extra 100 pounds. I would suggest that you quit smoking first and, when you have that problem solved, go after those extra pounds.

PERSON THAT SUGGESTS THE MOVIE SHOULD PAY

DR. WALLACE: A girl has invited me to attend the wedding of one of her close friends. I accepted the invitation. After the ceremony, a dinner will be held at a local country club. After the dinner, if she and I decide to go to a movie, who pays?

My sister insists that the girl should pay because she was the one who asked me to go to the wedding. I'm not cheap; I just want to know what's correct. — Bo, Charlotte, N.C.

BO: The person who asks the other to go to the movie should pay.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. E-mail him at rwallace@galesburg.net. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

COPYRIGHT 2008 CREATORS SYNDICATE INC.

TWEEN 12 & 20

BY DR. ROBERT WALLACE

RELEASE THURSDAY, AUGUST 21, 2008, AND THEREAFTER

Try Fat-Free Cheese as a More Healthy Option

DR. WALLACE: My favorite food is cheese. Last week, my grandfather called my father and told him that he saw a TV program where a doctor said that cheese is not a healthy food. I can't believe this. Now dad has told mom to stop buying cheese because he is a health nut; he wants our family to be as healthy as possible.

Do you have any information on whether cheese is a healthy food or not? I'm positive that you will give cheese a healthy report so I can show it to my dad. — Jasmine, Lake Charles, La.

JASMINE: Nutritionists at the world-famous Mayo Clinic say that cheese is a healthy nutritious food, but that regular cheese is loaded with unwanted fat. They suggest that cheese lovers eat fat-free cheese. The taste and texture are almost the same as regular cheese.

MISERABLE TEEN SHOULD CHANGE NAME

DR. WALLACE: I just turned 18 and want to legally change my first name from Helga (named after my mother's mother) to Hannah. I want to change it now, but my mother and my grandmother are against it.

I have chosen Hannah so my initials will remain the same. I don't have a middle name. I'm going to use the name Hannah just as soon as it becomes legal.

I can't tell you the number of times where kids have made fun of my name. There is no way to shorten it in order to make it acceptable. For 18 long years I've endured this name.

Do you see any reason why I should continue this misery? — Helga, Battle Creek, Mich.

HELGA/HANNAH: Absolutely not! There's no reason to go through life saddled with a name you hate. Your name should please, not cause emotional stress. A short time after you become Hannah, your parents will adjust. But don't get upset if they slip and refer to you as Helga. Don't correct them — just smile!

FALLING ASLEEP AT THE WHEEL CAN BE DEADLY

DR. WALLACE: I applaud the letter you printed from Kate, in Halifax, Nova Scotia, telling some of her research on teen drinking and driving. I would like to take her warnings one step further and warn about another deadly situation in which many people never give a second thought: Falling asleep at the wheel, which causes many accidents.

Teenagers lead busy lives and tend to burn the candle at both ends. Getting enough rest can be as important for being a good driver as not drinking and driving. Both situations could be deadly. — Martha, Michigan City, Ind.

MARTHA: Excellent advice. Driving a 4,000-pound vehicle at highway speed takes full-time concentration, with a clear mind and a steady hand. Anything less is unacceptable.

ADOPTED CHILDREN RECEIVE LOVE FROM ADOPTIVE PARENTS

DR. WALLACE: Please answer my question. It is extremely important to me. Do you think that adoptive parents can love their child as much as natural parents love their children? I'm 12 and I'm adopted. — Nameless, McComb, Miss.

NAMELESS: I sure do. Adoptive parents can love a child even more than some biological parents love their children. The reason is simple: Adoptive parents want to be parents and some biological parents merely had no choice.

Put your arms around mom and dad and give them a big hug and a kiss; tell them thanks for wanting and loving you.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. E-mail him at rwallace@galesburg.net. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

COPYRIGHT 2008 CREATORS SYNDICATE INC.

TWEEN 12 & 20

BY DR. ROBERT WALLACE

RELEASE FRIDAY, AUGUST 22, 2008, AND THEREAFTER

Teen Gets a Taste of the Working World Before Going to College

DR. WALLACE: I'm 19 and graduated from high school last June. I'm taking a year away from education before starting college in September 2009; I want to avoid "educational burnout."

I'm a very good student with excellent grades (salutatorian of my graduation class), but if I don't get an A in my class, I suffer emotionally. My desire to be the best student in each of my classes is overpowering.

Another reason for waiting a year is to work and put my earned money toward school. Fortunately for my parents and me, I have a four-year scholarship from Indiana University that covers tuition, room and board. The college gave me permission to take a year off and will honor the scholarship starting September 2009.

My problem deals with my position as a salesperson at a large department store. I enjoy receiving a paycheck, but I hate going to work. I despise rude customers who have poor manners and despicable grammar. They pull clothes from the rack — instead of putting them back the way they found them, they toss them in a heap on top of other clothes.

I told my parents that I hate my job and want to quit, but they are against it. They think I need the discipline to work with the public, plus the money will pay for some of my college expenses.

After all, I'm not a baby; I can decide if I should stay employed in a job that I hate. If I did quit, I'd look for another job. What do you think? — Shannon, Indianapolis.

SHANNON: Sounds like when you do start college, you'll be overjoyed to be back in the classroom. Welcome to the work world, Shannon! It's going to be full of tasks you would prefer not to do — that's why they call it "work." Putting up with rude customers may be the least of it. Every job will be a learning experience and, believe it or not, a memory to savor in years to come.

If you really can't stand this job, then by all means look for another one. You might not be cut out for retail sales. I recommend, however, that before you turn in your resignation, you have another job lined up. Good luck.

POPULAR CULTURE ADDS TO INCREASE OF DRUG USE

DR. WALLACE: I read recently that tobacco use among teens is on the decline; however, drug use, especially marijuana, is on the rise. Is there any logical reason for this? After all the "Just Say No to Drugs" campaigns, I would think that teen drug use would be declining.

Our school district has zero-tolerance when it comes to drugs and it appears to be working. Two years ago, many students were actually buying and selling drugs on campus. The zero-tolerance rule and two police officers on campus have done wonders to control the campus drug traffic. — Nameless, Phoenix.

NAMELESS: I'm not aware of any study that indicates why teen drug use is on the rise, but I do have my own opinion: the celebration of drugs in popular culture. Music, movies and even, lately, some TV programs make drug use seem exciting.

Also, a number of athletes and other high-profile "role models" have been busted for drug involvement. For impressionable teens, this adds to the mystique of illegal drugs.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. E-mail him at rwallace@galesburg.net. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

COPYRIGHT 2008 CREATORS SYNDICATE INC.

TWEEN 12 & 20

BY DR. ROBERT WALLACE

RELEASE SATURDAY, AUGUST 23, 2008, AND THEREAFTER

Teen Needs a Little Encouragement to Gain Confidence

DR. WALLACE: I am a single mother of a beautiful 13-year-old girl. She is highly intelligent and a very good violin player, but she has very low self-esteem. She has few friends and never attempts anything new because she is afraid to fail.

I've tried to get her to be outgoing and to keep her head up and smile, but that hasn't worked. I love my daughter very much, and it pains me to see this beautiful child have little or no self-confidence.

Is there anything that I can do to improve her self-image? I'm willing to devote as much time as necessary to make this happen. Will you please give me some constructive tips? — Mom, Davenport, Iowa.

MOM: Everybody loves praise, especially teens with low self-images. Congratulate your daughter for specific accomplishments. Instead of telling her that she did a good job cleaning her room, tell her why you liked the job she did. If you can't praise her in person, leave notes indicating how wonderful she is and how fortunate you are to be her mother. Never scold when a task has not been done correctly, but offer helpful hints to improve. Reprimanding only creates resentment and fortifies low self-esteem.

Encourage your daughter to attend school and church functions where she can make new friends — suggest inviting them to your house for social activity. Every human being wants to be accepted and loved, especially young adults.

Always smile at your daughter and give many hugs. Tell her you are very proud of her. Positive reinforcement is an important part of building confidence. This is an extended process and you shouldn't expect instant success. Don't nag your daughter, but be alert for those opportunities when a little encouragement might help her decide to take a social risk. In time, with this routine, your beautiful daughter will gain self-confidence and blossom into an active teen with many friends.

PARENTS CONCERNED ABOUT DAUGHTER'S SAFETY

DR. WALLACE: My best friend invited me to a cleanup at a church campground. We are both 14. My friend's brother, 16, will drive us there; it is about 100 miles from our town.

But my parents won't let me go because this boy is driving without his parents being present. This boy is a good, safe driver, and I think they should have trust in him. Don't you? — Erin, Hackensack, N.J.

ERIN: Your parents have every reason to be concerned. While 16-year-old drivers may be technically proficient, they lack experience and, in some cases, good judgment. Mom and Dad have no way to know how good a driver your friend's brother is — they have chosen the "safe rather than sorry" philosophy. And I agree with them.

TIME IS THE ONLY TREATMENT FOR INTOXICATION

DR. WALLACE: You wrote that hot black coffee would not help a drunken person sober up quickly. That's just not true. Once in awhile my boyfriend drinks too much, but when I get him a mug of hot black coffee he sobers up in a matter of minutes. What do you think about that? — Nameless, Griffith, Ind.

NAMELESS: If coffee really sobers up your boyfriend, he wasn't drunk in the first place; he may have been pretending to be. Black coffee, cold showers and other drunk "cures" are nothing but myths. Alcohol is slowly, but surely, eliminated from the bloodstream and nothing can hasten the rate. Time is the only cure for intoxication.

Do your boyfriend a big favor by encouraging him to quit drinking. No matter how much he consumes, it's a waste of money and could lead to big-time trouble.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. E-mail him at rwallace@galesburg.net. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

COPYRIGHT 2008 CREATORS SYNDICATE INC.