DR. WALLACE: I baby-sit for a 3-year-old boy every Friday evening. I really enjoy the job and the money is an extra bonus. My mother drives me to my job, and one of my parents or my older brother drives me home.

Lately, the parents have been staying out later than midnight; last night they were home at 1:30 a.m. The husband offered to drive me home but when I called home, my mom said that she would pick me up. When I got into her car, I asked why the husband couldn't drive me home. I live about six miles from my baby-sitting job. Mom said she didn't like the idea of me being alone in a car with an older man.

I think this is silly. This guy is super nice and would never do anything improper. I'd like your opinion please. — Nameless, Hackensack, N.J.

NAMELESS: In the vast majority of cases, a husband can deliver a baby sitter home safe and sound, but sometimes problems do occur. Most times it's the husband that becomes aggressive, but there are instances when the baby sitter is infatuated with the older guy and causes a "scene." These potential issues are eliminated when the baby sitter's mother is the chauffeur. Please read the following letter that provides insight on this subject:

DR. WALLACE: I enjoy your column, and hope that when my two daughters get a little older they will also read it regularly. You offer much common-sense advice.

I would present a different aspect of the debate over whether the mom or dad should have driven the baby sitter (age 15) home. While you are absolutely correct that a young woman must be careful these days, a grown man must also be wary of a 15-year-old girl.

Children, especially girls, grow up much too quickly these days. Television and the movies portray teenage romantic involvement and sex to be perfectly acceptable and the norm. Far too many young girls become starry-eyed — they are perfectly able to come onto a married man. Then it is just the man's word against hers.

I can remember several years ago where a starry-eyed girl was attracted to a married man at our church. She complimented him often and was always underfoot. One night after a youth group meeting, the girl asked the man for a ride home. "Sure," he told her. "As soon as I find my wife to ride along with us."

You could see the disappointment on her face, but he sure felt relieved when she begged off and said she just remembered that one of her friends had offered to take her home.

Thanks again for all the invaluable information you provide to our young people. As a teacher in the public schools, I see far too many young persons with no one on their side. — Teacher, Vicksburg, Miss.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. E-mail him at rwallace@galesburg.net. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

COPYRIGHT 2008 CREATORS SYNDICATE INC.

TWEEN 12 & 20

BY DR. ROBERT WALLACE

RELEASE TUESDAY, NOVEMBER 4, 2008, AND THEREAFTER

Teen's Cousin May Be Displaying Signs of Anorexia Nervosa

DR. WALLACE: My cousin is 20 years old and works at a tanning salon. I don't get to see her often because we live in different areas of the country, but when I saw her last month at a relative's wedding, my family and I were shocked. She was extremely thin and hardly ate anything at a huge wedding banquet; I know because I sat next to her. I asked her why she had lost so much weight and she said that her fiancŽ told her to "slim down." I asked her if she had an eating disorder and she said no.

I didn't want to pry, but I think that she suffers from anorexia nervosa. I had my mom discuss this with my cousin's mom; however, she told my mom that her daughter seems healthy and happy and that she doesn't have an eating disorder.

Just for our information, what are the symptoms of someone who is anorexic? Is it true that it can be fatal? — Nameless, Goshen, Ind.

NAMELESS: The defining characteristics of someone who is anorexic are: intense fear of obesity, unhappiness with body image, the inducement of significant weight loss and refusal to maintain a minimally normal body weight.

According to the American Psychiatric Association, people who suffer from anorexia say they feel fat even when they are thin or even emaciated. They are preoccupied with their shape and often stare at themselves in the mirror. Their techniques for losing weight include eating less and avoiding fattening foods, self-induced vomiting, use of laxatives and extensive exercising.

To make matters worse, most anorexics do not believe they have an illness and are uninterested in therapy.

Ninety-five percent of anorexics are females, and most are between the ages of 12 and 20. The mortality rate for this disorder is a shocking 15 percent.

What drives someone to self-starvation? The illness is often brought on by extreme stress — many anorexics are considered model children. They are perfectionists, whose parents have set very high, but inflexible, standards for them.

The great majority of sufferers cannot overcome this illness by themselves. They require the help and guidance of professional therapists to return to a normal eating pattern. Recovery is difficult; it often takes many months or even years. Too many don't make it and die from self-starvation.

Needless to say, anorexia nervosa is an extremely serious illness. The more that families know about anorexia, the better chance they have of diagnosing it in its early stages. Parents should be aware of the following warning signs:

— Your teen has a tremendous fear of becoming obese that doesn't go away even if she (or he) is losing weight.

— Your teen claims to feel fat even when thin.

— Your teen continues to lose weight even when reaching the minimal weight for her (or his) height and age.

— Your teen is losing weight, but suffers from no known physical illness.

It would be wise if your aunt could read my answer to your questions.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. E-mail him at rwallace@galesburg.net. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

COPYRIGHT 2008 CREATORS SYNDICATE INC.

TWEEN 12 & 20

BY DR. ROBERT WALLACE

RELEASE WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 5, 2008, AND THEREAFTER

Mom Needs a Better Reason When Saying No to Child

DR. WALLACE: My mother and father work for the same steel company. My dad works from 8 a.m. to 4 p.m. five days a week, while my mother works from 3 p.m. to 11 p.m. That means I spend more time with my father than with my mother. My father and I have bonded more than my mother and I, which has caused some friction between us.

The end result is that she is authoritarian and hardly allows me to speak to her. On the weekends, my dad plays golf, which leaves me home alone with my mother. Most of the time she's very negative. For example, if I ask her if I can go to the mall with my girlfriends, almost always, her answer is no. When I say why, she responds, "because I said so," or "the answer is no until your father overrules me" — knowing full well that he won't be home in time to allow me to spend time with my friends.

I really get tired of hearing that she is my "boss" and "because I said so." I don't like to complain to my father because that would lead to a big fight with me in the middle.

Do you think "because I said so" or "because I'm the boss" are good answers when a child wants to know why a request has been denied? — Nameless, Plattsburgh, N.Y.

NAMELESS: When a teen asks why a request has been denied, wise parents explain why the answer is no — carefully and lovingly, answering the teen's questions but holding their ground. Parents have the final say when it comes to their children, but saying, "because I said so," is an unwise response.

AVOID USING SMOKING AS A WEIGHT LOSS SOLUTION

DR. WALLACE: I'm a 17-year-old girl who has not had a very exciting life because I'm about 25 pounds overweight. I've tried to lose weight by eating correctly and exercising, but I always cave in because it's a holiday, my birthday, a banquet, or something else to cause me to ditch my plan to lose weight. I guess I just don't have any willpower.

One of my friends said that her mother couldn't lose weight until someone convinced her to take up smoking. She did, and lost 30 pounds in six months.

This might sound silly, but I would gladly start smoking if I could receive the same weight reduction. Of course, I would quit smoking once I lost 25 pounds.

Please tell me it's true that smoking causes weight loss. — Nameless, Moncton, New Brunswick.

NAMELESS: I assure you that smoking is no way to lose weight! Going on the "tobacco diet" is literally playing with fire. You're exchanging one problem for another that's far worse.

In any case, smoking does not lead to weight loss, although eating less does. Your girlfriend's mother probably substituted smoking for compulsive snacking. I guarantee you that any weight you drop in this drastic fashion would return a few months after you quit — but more worrisome is that you wouldn't quit. That's why they call it an addiction; don't kid yourself that kicking the habit would be easy.

You will lose weight if you stick to a proper eating and exercise program. Don't give up if you eliminate willpower at special occasions and "pig" out. Go right back to your plan the next day. It might take a little longer than six months to shed those 25 pounds, but you will lose them without having a serious tobacco addiction.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. E-mail him at rwallace@galesburg.net. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

COPYRIGHT 2008 CREATORS SYNDICATE INC.

TWEEN 12 & 20

BY DR. ROBERT WALLACE

RELEASE THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 6, 2008, AND THEREAFTER

Mother Needs to Trust That Her Daughter Will Make Wise Choices in College

DR. WALLACE: My husband and I have an 18-year-old daughter who will be entering the University of Wisconsin next fall. This will be her first time away from home.

We are a Christian family and our daughter lives the life of a Christian. Our concern is that she might stray from her Christian beliefs and start using alcohol and drugs because of peer pressure. Our daughter is popular in high school and should be a popular college student. But I'm sure she will be introduced to things she has never done before.

I read somewhere that drugs and alcohol are rampant on all college and university campuses. If this is true, what can my husband and I do to shield her from this unacceptable behavior? The drug and alcohol problem on college and university campuses bothers me immensely, even though our daughter has high moral standards. — Mother, Janesville, Wis.

MOTHER: You've raised your daughter well. Now you need to have faith that her high moral standards and Christian beliefs are deeply a part of her, not merely cosmetic, and will be her companions as she leaves the nest and starts taking classes at the University of Wisconsin.

Yes, there is a significant amount of drug and alcohol experimentation on the nation's college campuses. How widespread is it? In a survey of 1,000 college students around the country, conducted by the University of Michigan, 92 percent said they had consumed at least one alcoholic drink in the past year; 42 percent said they had smoked marijuana at least once; and 17 percent admitted to experimenting with cocaine at least once.

These statistics do not mean that students are shunning their studies in favor of booze, pot and coke binges. But they do indicate that most students experiment at some point with alcohol and drugs. "Most," however, does not mean "all." Many top students on campuses don't try alcohol or drugs. I'm sure your daughter will be one of them.

BOY CAN'T GET SICK FROM COLD WEATHER

DR. WALLACE: It won't be long before it will be snowing here in Montana. I like to build forts and play in the snow, but my mom is always saying that being in the snow will cause me to get a bad cold or the flu. My friends all play in the snow, but they don't get sick. Why don't they? — Kevin, Great Falls, Mont.

KEVIN: When I was young, my mother would always tell me to wear a warm coat if I went outside during cold days; she didn't want me to "catch my death of a cold."

Medical science has now proven that this is a myth. Viruses, not air temperature, cause the flu, pneumonia and colds. Researchers in Great Britain settled this debate once and for all. In an experiment, they sprayed people with water and sent them outdoors in cold, windy, wintry weather. There were no ill effects, not even a sniffle.

Make sure mom reads my response to your question.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. E-mail him at rwallace@galesburg.net. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

COPYRIGHT 2008 CREATORS SYNDICATE INC.

TWEEN 12 & 20

BY DR. ROBERT WALLACE

RELEASE FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 7, 2008, AND THEREAFTER

Guidelines to Help Parents Develop Child's Self-Esteem

DR. WALLACE: Some time ago, you had a column that contained commandments for parents to help their children. My daughter is now a mother to four-year-old twin boys. I'd like her to have the opportunity to read these "ten commandments" so she can be the best mother possible. Could you please reprint it? — Mother, Centralia, Wash.

MOTHER: "Ten Commandments for Parents to Improve Self-Esteem for Their Children" came from the group, Family Connection. Your daughter and all other parents should attach the "commandments" securely on their refrigerator door:

— Spend quality time each day with your children. This is an opportunity to hear what they did and what's on their minds.

— Make positive statements to your children as often as possible. No one has enough armor to withstand a constant barrage of "no" and "don't."

— When disagreements occur, argue only about inaccurate facts or statements. Remember that everyone has opinions. Sometimes we must agree that we disagree.

— Reach out and touch. Everyone needs it! Everyone wants it! A touch will communicate much more than just words.

— Smile. Be happy around your children.

— Allow children to develop responsibility. Basically, in order to be a responsible family member, one must have responsibility.

— Be honest with your children. Children will undoubtedly learn their patterns from parents. Honesty also shows children you trust them.

— Separate the behavior from the individual. In problem situations, make certain the child knows that the behavior, not the child, is unacceptable.

— Deal with the here-and-now issues. Dredging up the past may serve to further block communication within the family.

— Work on your own positive self-esteem. Happy, well-adjusted human beings who genuinely care for others make excellent parents.

HARD WORK AND EXPERIENCE ARE NEEDED TO BECOME AN ACTOR

DR. WALLACE: I'm 16 and my goal is to be an Academy Award-winning actor. I've got the looks, the body and all the other necessary elements that could make me a star. My concern is that I live in a relatively small town far from the bright lights of New York or Hollywood. This is going to make it hard for me to get noticed. Is there any place I could write where I could be given information on being an actor? — Sarah, Grand Island, Neb.

SARAH: Maybe there was a time when actors were given roles as a result of their looks, but, thank goodness, those days are gone forever. What matters are "all the other necessary things," otherwise known as talent. The best chance you have to reach your goal is to become part of every dramatic presentation you can at your school, church or community playhouse. Take speech, drama and English classes at school and do your best in all your classes.

It takes a lot of hard work to develop your native talent as an actor. Plan to attend college; the drama departments at colleges and universities provide superb training. Many of today's stars got their big break performing at the college level. Good luck.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. E-mail him at rwallace@galesburg.net. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

COPYRIGHT 2008 CREATORS SYNDICATE INC.

TWEEN 12 & 20

BY DR. ROBERT WALLACE

RELEASE SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 8, 2008, AND THEREAFTER

Many Parents are Strict with Children, Not Just Adoptive Parents

DR. WALLACE: I'm 13 and live with my adoptive parents, who happen to be very strict. I don't get to do all the things my friends do, and I'm put on restriction if a teacher complains about my class conduct.

I'm sorry that I was adopted; sometimes I dream that my real mother would come and take me with her. I didn't ask to come into this world, but I think I should at least be with my real mother. — Nameless, Portland, Ore.

NAMELESS: Sorry, but I would advise you not to get your hopes up that your biological mother will come along someday and "rescue" you. I'm sure your adoptive parents love you deeply and want the best for you. Many parents are strict; this has nothing to do with being adopted.

Your adoptive parents are your parents. All disagreements, problems and complaints should be worked out with them through discussion and compromise.

Maybe someday you'll have a chance to meet your biological mom, but she will never take on the role of parent. When you realize this, you'll be better able to appreciate the loving couple that did take on that role, providing you a secure life.

BEWARE OF POETRY CONTEST SCAMS

DR. WALLACE: Several months ago, a girl wrote to you saying that she had entered a poetry "contest." Her poem was so good that she qualified as a semifinalist — she could purchase a book of poems containing her poem and those from the other semifinalists for $50.

I'm glad you told her to check out the company before she sends any money. You warned her that if she did send money, she would only get a chance to see her poem in print for a cost of $50.

Last year I entered two poems in a similar contest under two different names. One was my real name, the other a pen name. Both poems were selected as semifinalists. I received two letters of congratulations as well as two opportunities to buy a book to see my award-winning poem in print. I ordered a book that was addressed to me using my pen name.

Six months and $65 later, I received the book. You can imagine my shock when I discovered that only my pen-name poem was in the book, not the poem written under my real name. I think they only printed my pen-name poem because I ordered the book.

When I think of more worthwhile things that $65 could have provided, I could kick myself. — Cindy, Deltona, Fla.

CINDY: Most of these "contest companies" do what they say they will do — for a fee, put a poem in a book with others who also submitted a poem and paid a fee.

You don't feel it's worth the money and neither do I, but apparently some people still do because these companies continue to advertise their contests.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. E-mail him at rwallace@galesburg.net. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

COPYRIGHT 2008 CREATORS SYNDICATE INC.