DR. WALLACE: You told a 16-year-old girl who discovered she was pregnant to tell her parents because they love her and will do all they can to help her. I don't think that advice is accurate. I was 15 when I found out I was pregnant. The father of the child was also 15, but moved away about a month before I learned of my condition.

Being alone and afraid, I confided in my counselor and my best friend's mother. Both told me to tell my mother because they thought she would help me — they were wrong!

When I told my mom (I have no father), she flipped out. The first words were, "How could you do this to me?" She then told me I was a slut and she was embarrassed to have me as a daughter. To make things worse, she made me move to another state to live with my grandmother, so people in town wouldn't know her daughter was a slut.

I learned to love my grandmother, who was very kind to me. I had my baby, a little boy, and I got on with my life. I have not seen my mother since she packed me up and sent me to my grandmother's house. Not once did she call to see how I was doing. Since my mother and grandmother are not on speaking terms, I doubt she even knows that she is a grandmother.

For all she knows, I had an abortion. I am now 22, married, and the mother of my son and a 1-year-old daughter. I am very happy now, and my only regret in my life is that I went to my mother in a time of crisis. — Jo, Atlanta.

JO: Would things have been better if you hadn't gone to your mother? She was unable to be supportive herself, but she sent you to your grandmother whose love and support gave you stability and allowed you to deal with life as a single mom.

The vast majority of parents, after the shock of learning a daughter is pregnant, will give her love and guidance; therefore, I will continue to encourage teens to turn to their parents first at times of crisis. In your case, your grandmother filled in admirably for an uncaring mother. Your mother's reaction was, indeed, extreme.

LOUD MUSIC CAN CAUSE HEARING DAMAGE

DR. WALLACE: My mom keeps harping that the music I listen to will damage my eardrums. Reading in dim light won't hurt your eyes, so why would music hurt your eardrums? I think my mom just wants me to stop listening to rap.

I plan to attend the Air Force Academy in Colorado Springs, Colo., after graduation. I want to be a pilot and perfect hearing is a requirement. Most of the time I listen to music on my headset. — Doug, Ft. Walton Beach, Fla.

DOUG: The volume of the music is what puts the listener at risk of hearing damage. Six out of 16 participants in a study at the University of Iowa experienced loss of hearing after listening to rock music on their headsets for three straight hours.

Fortunately the hearing loss was temporary, "but if listening is repeated daily for long periods of time, permanent hearing loss is possible," according to Dr. Philip Lee, who headed the study. He explained that generally 90 decibels is considered the maximum level that is safe for the ears, but a stereo headset can get as loud as 150 decibels. If your mother can hear your music even though you're using a headset, that surely means you're operating it at a dangerous level.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. E-mail him at rwallace@galesburg.net. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

COPYRIGHT 2008 CREATORS SYNDICATE INC.

TWEEN 12 & 20

BY DR. ROBERT WALLACE

RELEASE TUESDAY, JULY 22, 2008, AND THEREAFTER

Resist the Urge to Have Sexual Relations

DR. WALLACE: I'm a 19-year-old female with a very messy past — alcohol, drugs and sex. With the help of therapy, I've cleaned up my act. For the past six months, I have been drug and alcohol-free and have refrained from all sexual activity. I really feel good about myself, and there was a time I never thought I would ever have this feeling.

I'm dating a guy who helped me overcome my need for alcohol and drugs. He was working at the rehabilitation hospital when I was a patient. He is a very competent therapist.

The problem is that he wants me to have sex with him. Before I cleaned up my act, I would have jumped at the chance. He's handsome, charming, intelligent, and has a great sense of humor. He also treats me well. He says he loves me and that having sex will not trigger my desire to do drugs and alcohol again.

My big concern is that I might give in to him at a weak moment. Any tips to keep me from becoming weak and vulnerable will be appreciated. I really want to refrain from having sex with him. — Courtney, Seattle.

COURTNEY: You feel good about yourself because you have overcome your messy past — sexual promiscuity caused part of that mess.

Don't even think about regressing! Certainly a therapist should understand and respect your feelings. Pressuring you for sex overpowers the fact that he is handsome, intelligent, and has a great sense of humor.

Since he has told you that he loves you, he should respect your wish to refrain from becoming sexually intimate with him. If he loves you, he will honor your wish not to become sexually active. If he continues to encourage you to engage in sexual activity, it simply means that he loves sex more than he loves you.

TEEN SHOULDN'T BE PUNISHED FOR MISSING CHURCH

DR. WALLACE: I'm 17 and work as a waitress at a small restaurant on Friday and Saturday nights. I really love the job and can also use the money. I'm usually home at about 10:30 p.m., but last Saturday night I didn't get home until after midnight because I agreed to work an after-hours birthday party. I made $30 for working an extra two hours.

Sounds good doesn't it? Good teen works hard to earn own spending money. Well, it didn't turn out that way. Because I didn't get to bed that night until after 1:30 a.m., I overslept Sunday morning and missed church. Because of this, my mother (who attends church sporadically) has grounded me for a month. No dates (I date on Sunday afternoon or evening), no telephone calls, and I've got to be in the house 30 minutes after my last school class.

Missing church was strictly an accident because I love attending the services; I never miss going unless I'm ill. I feel that I was unjustly punished.

What do you think? My parents do read your column and I'm hoping your answer will persuade them to reconsider. — Annette, El Paso, Texas.

ANNETTE: I agree with you. Mom and Dad, please reconsider. Your daughter deserves to be praised for her work ethic, not punished for making an honest mistake.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. E-mail him at rwallace@galesburg.net. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

COPYRIGHT 2008 CREATORS SYNDICATE INC.

TWEEN 12 & 20

BY DR. ROBERT WALLACE

RELEASE WEDNESDAY, JULY 23, 2008, AND THEREAFTER

Teen's Parents Overreacted to Breakup

DR. WALLACE: My boyfriend (18) and I (17) have agreed to break up after dating for almost two years. We felt we were getting too serious and both of us wanted to date others.

Would you believe that my parents were furious at me and blame me for the breakup? Now they refuse to allow me to date other boys and have taken away my privileges of driving the family car; they think I'm going to run around with a wild crowd.

I thought parents were supposed to encourage their kids to date lots of different people. What happened to mine? — Nameless, Hammond, La.

NAMELESS: Even the most caring, intelligent, compassionate and loving parents occasionally make a parental "error." It appears that your parents were not thinking clearly when they severely punished you, instead of guiding and providing love and encouragement during a difficult time in your life.

It might not help you, but make sure your parents read my response to your letter.

MOM PRAISES DAUGHTER'S ACCOMPLISHMENT

DR. WALLACE: I'm writing to tell you about a very special person, my daughter. She graduated from high school recently. To some that might not be a big deal, but it is to me. She has struggled with school on and off — school hasn't been easy for her.

You see, Dr. Wallace, just a couple of weeks ago she turned 20. She had promised me that she would stay in school and graduate and she did. I just had to write and tell the world how proud I am of my daughter. — Mom, St. Paul, Minn.

MOM: I seldom print letters from parents, but your happiness beamed through your letter, and I had to help you tell the world how proud you are of your daughter's accomplishment. She just proved that the old adage, "Where there's a will, there's a way" is not only an old, but also an accurate one. I wish her all the best!

FASTING ISN'T RECOMMENDED TO LOSE WEIGHT

DR. WALLACE: I'm about 10 pounds overweight, but I'm determined to lose this extra weight before I wear my bathing suit. I figure if I went on a low-calorie diet six days a week and fasted on the seventh (I'd drink water), I could lose 10 pounds in two or three weeks. Is fasting a good idea? — Kelsey, Orlando, Fla.

KELSEY: It's not advisable for teens to fast as a method of losing weight. It took more than two or three weeks to add those extra 10 pounds, and, for the sake of your health, you should allow more time than that to take them off. Sorry, but you should have started slimming months ago to be ready for swimsuit season.

Nothing beats well-balanced, nutritious food, proper sleep and exercise when it comes to keeping trim and fit. Your goal should be to lose about a pound a week. In a couple of months you will have reached your goal. It won't help you much this summer, but next summer —if you maintain a healthy sensible discipline — you'll "knock 'em dead" in your new swimsuit!

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. E-mail him at rwallace@galesburg.net. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

COPYRIGHT 2008 CREATORS SYNDICATE INC.

TWEEN 12 & 20

BY DR. ROBERT WALLACE

RELEASE THURSDAY, JULY 24, 2008, AND THEREAFTER

Tell Date True Age and Stop Misleading Her

DR. WALLACE: I'm a regular reader of your column and I know you are opposed to older guys dating younger girls. Because of this, I know I shouldn't write to you for advice, but curiosity has gotten the better of me.

I'm 20 and met Sherry at a party. We talked to each other for over an hour, and when she was about to leave I asked her how old she was. She said 15. She then asked me my age and I told her 17. She believed me because I do look younger than I am. I then asked for her phone number and she gave it to me.

I called her several weeks later. We went to a movie and had a wonderful time. During the date, I made a mistake by telling her I work for an insurance company. When she asked me how I could do so when I'm only 17, I covered up by saying it was only part-time and that my father owned the company. I think she believed me because she never asked me any more about it.

I'd really like to tell her I'm 20, but I'm afraid I might scare her away. I met both of her parents and they seem to like me. Should I continue to bond with this girl and her parents before I tell them I'm 20, or should I tell them now and just see what happens? I really like this girl a lot and it appears she likes me. — Ethan, Cedar Rapids, Iowa.

ETHAN: Shame on you! Tell this young girl your true age, apologize for misleading her, and tell her goodbye — forever. Your behavior was totally unacceptable.

TEEN SHOULD BE ABLE TO GO ON DATE

DR. WALLACE: I'll be 16 in 29 days and my dad said I can't go on a date until I'm 16. One of the nicest guys in my Sunday school class invited me to be his date at his cousin's birthday party in two weeks. I really want to go, but my dad won't let me because I won't be 16.

I've done everything to change his mind, but the answer is still the same. I'm really upset with my father. I've been a good kid: I do my chores, get good grades and I'm not involved in any kind of unsavory behavior. I'm trustworthy and dependable. All my aunts, uncles and grandparents think I'm the all-American girl. I don't know why my father feels that at midnight on my 16th birthday I will suddenly be a trustworthy and dependable teen. I'm that way right now!

Please print my letter. My only hope is that my father will read it in your column and change his mind when he realizes how important all this is to me. If you print my letter, it will mean you agree with me! — Darlene, San Jose, Calif.

DARLENE: Just so there is no misunderstanding, I agree with you 100 percent.

WALKING BAREFOOT CAUSES LESS SPRAINED ANKLES

DR. WALLACE: I like to go barefoot when I'm dressed casually at home. My girlfriend thinks that I will become flat-footed if I don't wear shoes. She says that the arch in my feet will collapse eventually and then I will have a difficult time walking.

Is there any truth to this? She also thinks that my feet are ugly and she hates looking at them. — Jason, Goshen, Ind.

JASON: Just the opposite is true. Going without shoes contributes to the development of ligaments, muscles and even bones in the feet. According to Dr. Alvin Crawford at Children's Hospital in Cincinnati, Ohio, when walking or running barefooted on a level surface, teens are actually less prone to sprained ankles. The only real danger in going barefoot is the possibility of cuts and punctures.

But your girlfriend could be right about the appearance of your feet.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. E-mail him at rwallace@galesburg.net. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

COPYRIGHT 2008 CREATORS SYNDICATE INC.

TWEEN 12 & 20

BY DR. ROBERT WALLACE

RELEASE FRIDAY, JULY 25, 2008, AND THEREAFTER

No Tan is Healthy: Skin is Still Damaged

DR. WALLACE: I love going to the beach during the summer because I enjoy having a tan. I am well aware that the sun can cause skin cancer, but I'm careful never to get burned. I always wear the proper sunscreen.

My best friend tells me that even getting a nice tan is dangerous. Is this true? My older sister, who also likes the sun, says that my friend is just saying that because she gets a lot of freckles when she's in the sun — she rarely goes to the beach. Also, how safe are tanning beds? — Lisa, Crown Point, Ind.

LISA: According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, any change in skin color that occurs after being in the sun, whether a burn or merely a tan, indicates the sun's ultra-violet rays have damaged the skin. There is no such thing as a healthy tan.

Although some salons claim tanning beds are safer than the sun because they emit minimal UVB rays (the type of ray believed to cause skin cancer), they can still cause serious skin damage, according to the CDC. Tanning beds emit mostly UVA rays (often referred to as the "wrinkle ray"), which have recently been shown to play a role in skin cancer.

This year more than a million new cases of skin cancer will be diagnosed. The most serious form of this disease, malignant melanoma, will claim 9,200 lives. Sun damage during childhood and the teen years can increase one's chances of developing malignant melanoma later on.

DON'T BLAME MOM FOR PARENTAL FIGHT

DR. WALLACE: About two weeks ago, my parents had a horrible fight about money. It got so bad that my dad left home and hasn't returned. During the heat of the fight, I tried to help out. But my mother told me to mind my own business, so I went to my room and cried.

I've had a chance to think about what happened and I feel that mom was more to blame. Now I'm starting to hate my mom for driving my dad away. I'm 16 and feel very cheated and alone. I love Mom, but I also love my dad.

What can I do? — Nameless, Taladega, Ala.

NAMELESS: Blaming your mom for your dad's absence won't help matters. Your father had a choice, and he decided to leave the house. If mom had left and dad remained home, would you then be upset at your dad?

Quit blaming and start mending. Mom needs your love and support now more than ever. Give them to her. It will also make you feel much better, and make things easier when dad returns — and he will.

A HUSBAND/WIFE USING SPOUSE'S MONEY ISN'T STEALING

DR. WALLACE: Please answer this question with a simple yes or no. Not one word more and no lectures. If a wife takes money out of her husband's wallet or a husband takes money out of his wife's purse without the other knowing, is it theft? I know that you are a professional writer, but I want only a one-word answer, nothing more. — Nameless, Kirkland, Ill.

NAMELESS: No.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. E-mail him at rwallace@galesburg.net. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

COPYRIGHT 2008 CREATORS SYNDICATE INC.

TWEEN 12 & 20

BY DR. ROBERT WALLACE

RELEASE SATURDAY, JULY 26, 2008, AND THEREAFTER

Teen Has Right to Change His Name at 18

DR. WALLACE: I'm 17 and will attend college in the fall of 2009. My school days have been marred because of my unusual first and last name. People who don't know me find them difficult to pronounce — and a lot of people who do know me make fun of them.

I plan to legally change my name as soon as I turn 18. This bothers my family. They show me movie stars, musicians and even politicians who have difficult names to pronounce. They say that no one today changes their name. But I hate my name and I'm going to change it.

As a regular reader of your column, I know this is the advice you give teens who dislike their names, so I'm sure you'll agree with me. But I'd be happy if you would print my letter in order to show your answer to my family. Maybe they'll finally see things my way. — T.J., Denver.

T.J.: By all means, change your name. Why should you suffer your whole life with a name you hate? You can't change your heredity, but you can change your name. It's easy, and no one should make you feel guilty for doing so, not even your parents.

Yes, most people keep the names they were given at birth; some people with unusual names like the distinction it gives them, but others can't stand it. Some people even find their names too ordinary and, in adulthood, pick a name with more flair. Susan Weaver, for instance, became Sigourney Weaver. But most people who change their names go the other direction.

This is a personal matter and comparing one person's decision about his or her name with another's is pointless. But since your parents are doing it, two can play the game. The fact of the matter is many people change their names. Marion Morrison (John Wayne), Allen Konigsberg (Woody Allen), Doris von Kappelhoff (Doris Day), Maladen Sekulovich (Karl Malden) all changed their name in hopes of furthering their careers. These are just a few members of the celebrity name-change parade.

This is your decision to make and yours alone. It's your life, after all.

RAPE OCCURS WHEN EITHER GENDER IS UNDERAGE

DR. WALLACE: I read in a newspaper article that a 21-year-old guy was arrested for statutory rape for having consensual sex with a 14-year-old girl who had run away from home. If the woman had been 21 and the boy 14, would it still be considered statutory rape? I really need to know. — Daniel, Indianapolis.

DANIEL: Indeed, it would.

MORE TEEN GIRLS SMOKE THAN TEEN BOYS

DR. WALLACE: Our health teacher said that a higher percentage of teenage girls smoke than boys. I find this hard to believe. None of my close friends smoke, but we know a lot of boys who do. Are there any reliable statistics on this? — Alexi, Naples, Fla.

ALEXI: According to The American Cancer Society, the percentage of teen girls who smoke has risen dramatically. Right now, 25 percent of teen girls smoke, which is higher than the percentage of boys who smoke. It might be difficult to believe — but it's true!

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. E-mail him at rwallace@galesburg.net. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

COPYRIGHT 2008 CREATORS SYNDICATE INC.