Skin-Deep Romance by Susan Deitz on Creators.com

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Interplay DEAR SUSAN: No disrespect intended, but as a happily married woman, I have a take on fellow blogger J's situation: J, I've seen many of your posts, and in my eyes, you sound entitled and desperate. You constantly make references to …Read more. Single Land DEAR SUSAN: One of my fellow bloggers still seems a bit upset that he hasn't found a keeper yet. Well, I was in the same position he is. In fact, I have been in "single land" since 2007 and most likely will be for the rest of my time. But …Read more. Digging DEAR SUSAN: My definition of singlehood is not having a significant other. I'm reminded of my own singleness every day when I see couples together — contrasted with the way singles are treated. I personally have no desire to stay unmarried. …Read more. Common Cause DEAR SUSAN: I find that most angry/bitter single people are that way because they are trying to date "up" instead of looking for someone who has more in common with them financially and in terms of appearance and fitness. Think about it! …Read more.

Skin-Deep Romance

DEAR SUSAN: After a 15-year marriage, I'm dating again. The man is good-looking and sincere and has a great sense of humor. But in his youth, he was into motorcycling and drinking (he's 47), and he has tattoos that almost cover his arms. He's gentle and treats me well, but I'm uneasy about his looks. He can't wear long sleeves all summer, and I do love the beach. Help! — Josie H., Long Island, N.Y.

DEAR JOSIE: You'd do well to look beneath his colorful skin and appreciate the goodness of this man. We've all got remnants of our early days, when the newness of our experience and the uncertainty of our youth propelled us into weird scenarios. The packaging may change, but the essence is constant. You've got a good man; don't blow him off because of some silliness. And why are you telling me this when the two of you could be scheduling an appointment to remove them? Best to have a heart-to-heart with your good man that lays out your concerns (in the friendliest of terms) and settles on a solution. Hey. If this is the only stumbling block to your falling in love — little enough. Put on your skimpiest bikini, and initiate intimate dialogue with this good fellow. The problem will be solved quickly.

DEAR SUSAN: During my divorce, I was falsely accused of molesting my 3-year-old daughter. It resulted in strained relations between me and all my kids.

And it has impacted my dating life. One woman dropped me when I told her about the case. Now I'm seeing another woman, but I haven't told her anything about it yet. If she were to find out after we married (we're not yet that serious), she could be furious. But if I tell her now, it's almost certain I'll lose her. — Josh S., Moline, Ill.

DEAR JOSH: Timing is all. Revealing such a serious charge too early in a relationship is foolish — almost suicidal. Give this woman plenty of time to see you in different situations, to build solid trust in you. Only then could she realize the accusation must be false, one of those trumped-up charges encouraged by our adversarial divorce system. Equally important is the damage this false label is doing to your self-esteem (not to mention your children's trust in their father!). Both are so huge they must be tended to — and soon. A few sessions of exploration with a professional therapist could do much to help the situation. (Your dating life is by far the lesser of the two; your children need to trust their dad completely for the rest of their lives.) Get thee to that room of truth. Soon.

TO SHARE YOUR THOUGHTS: Write to me in care of this newspaper. Or log on to http://www.creators.com; click on "advice"; click on my column; and then click on "Write the author." Let's keep the connection between us open and strong. God bless.

Write to Susan Deitz in care of this newspaper. She will answer all letters that come with a self-addressed, stamped envelope. Or you may e-mail her at info@creators.com.