Keep It Light by Susan Deitz on Creators.com

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Interplay DEAR SUSAN: No disrespect intended, but as a happily married woman, I have a take on fellow blogger J's situation: J, I've seen many of your posts, and in my eyes, you sound entitled and desperate. You constantly make references to …Read more. Single Land DEAR SUSAN: One of my fellow bloggers still seems a bit upset that he hasn't found a keeper yet. Well, I was in the same position he is. In fact, I have been in "single land" since 2007 and most likely will be for the rest of my time. But …Read more. Digging DEAR SUSAN: My definition of singlehood is not having a significant other. I'm reminded of my own singleness every day when I see couples together — contrasted with the way singles are treated. I personally have no desire to stay unmarried. …Read more. Common Cause DEAR SUSAN: I find that most angry/bitter single people are that way because they are trying to date "up" instead of looking for someone who has more in common with them financially and in terms of appearance and fitness. Think about it! …Read more.

Keep It Light

"She makes me laugh." "Just being with him is fun." It's more than possible that the same person who makes you smile has soul mate potential. Let that thought percolate for a while and my hunch is you'll be nodding in agreement pretty soon, after it sinks in. After all, it's entirely possible that shared laughter — finding the same things funny — is a common denominator for long-term partnership. (Not the only one, of course, but a similar worldview might be something to consider — more than once.) As human connection goes, that kind of harmony is nothing to laugh at (couldn't resist the pun). It's another dimension of the compatibility that becomes relationship glue. When you can laugh with each other — at personal upsets, at life's zingers — there's not much that can come between you.

Mind you, this sort of humor is a world apart from contrived one-liners on Comedy Central. Incidentally, the subject of one-liners brings me back to a years-ago brunch intended to introduce a potential beau of mine to my brother and sister-in-law, but which turned into an overlong captivity. We became mute, glassy-eyed hostages as this fellow droned a list of stale and tasteless jokes, a monotone stream of pointless humor. It was, no doubt, meant to ease the awkward moments at this meeting of strangers — an insight that came to me later.

But looking back at the episode, it has become a negative object lesson: what not to do when meeting the folks! The man in question turned out to be a miserly, controlling meanie best remembered (by me) as having a viselike grip on my shoulder. Not exactly the light touch.

The point? A good laugh — shared, if at all possible — is a powerful thing, an asset not to be dismissed out of hand, but to be considered thoughtfully. The ability to take a step back from life's trials and tribulations and give a loud belly laugh at the absurdity of it all is perhaps the sexiest of attributes. (An informal poll taken in this column ranked sense of humor at the very top of the list of desirables by both sexes. Think about that, will you, when next you have trouble choosing between a gray and blue tie or a black and green dress.) That Other next to you cares less (much) about your attire than about your pleasant expression. That goes for both sexes, all ages, all stages. Good humor rocks.

Yes, indeed. When the chips are down and the truth must out, it isn't female prettiness and curves or male height and income that sway the mind (though they do add to the general impression); it's the ability to take a step back from reality and guffaw. Not at the other person or anything about the other person, of course — not small-minded ridicule or sharp-tongued criticism — but at the joke that is surely at the center of the universe.

Write to Susan Deitz in care of this newspaper. She will answer all letters that come with a self-addressed, stamped envelope. Or you may e-mail her at info@creators.com.