Interaction by Susan Deitz on Creators.com

Recently

Later Love DEAR SUSAN: My mom was in her late 50s when she found love again after divorcing my dad. She used an online dating site to find it — but this was before the site you mentioned existed. It seems a fine match, and they have been married for …Read more. A Perfect 10 DEAR SUSAN: I had to laugh at the letter from a man describing himself as a "Richard Gere" looking for a woman who is a professional, intelligent and a perfect 10. The problem might just be in his math! I've noticed that men rate …Read more. Choose Happiness DEAR SUSAN: This positive advice is for a fellow blogger, who seems to be having a hard time: It takes work to escape the comfort zone that keeps you making the same mistakes. (It's easier if you have the help of a good therapist, but people have …Read more. The Uninvited DEAR SUSAN: Your column on being left out of a couple's world has made me respond to an advice columnist for the first time in my life. The problem is much bigger than you seem to realize. When I was part of a couple, we did a lot of socializing. I …Read more.

Interaction

I confess; I'm curious to know you. And I couldn't imagine a better way to mine your thoughts and feelings than asking you to become an active participant in this column. Yes, I'm popping the questions, and they're coming to you in different formats: completing sentences, choosing true or false, and free association. The goal here is to tickle your gray matter.

It's said that the first thought is the best thought, but it's not always the case. So every query put to you is wide-open for your most personal response. Some may take you by surprise, having been in your thoughts for a while but not yet vocalized. (They may turn out to be the most valuable of all!) It was fun to assemble these queries — to gather my thoughts and present them for your consideration. Hope you share the enjoyment.

—Which would I rather be, lover or beloved? Why?

—When I tell people I'm not married, I feel... And they must feel...

—If I knew for sure I'd be single for the rest of my life, I'd...

—The most important reason to marry is...

—I enjoy being single (more/less) than I did a year ago because...

—The one thing I've most wanted to do but don't because I am single is...

—When I'm with my single friends, we talk about...

—My friends are mostly single/mostly married/a good mix of both, because...

TRUE OR FALSE:

—Self-reliance keeps people away.

—People are either born independent or not. Nothing can be done about it.

—My family is embarrassed that I am not married.

—Men do not like independent women. An interesting, full life leads to lifelong singleness.

—Any partner is better than none at all.

—Men don't want the same things from a relationship as women do.

—All women should marry and have children.

—Being single means being alone and lonely.

SURVEY QUESTIONS:

—Are you currently living with (or have you lived with in the past) a lover on a long-term basis without marrying? If not, would you consider that arrangement? If the answer was "yes" to the first question, did you view the arrangement at first as a "test for compatibility"? If so, do you view your future as a series of such arrangements, or do you plan to be monogamous? Do you plan to have children in your future relationships?

—Do you feel more or less lonely after casual sex? Did your partner know it was casual? Did your partner know you had other sex partners?

—Do you think you could meet someone who could fill all your sexual needs?

—Do you expect to have sex on the first date? Do you think people of the other gender expect you to?

—Do you believe there is a certain age at which people should stop thinking about sex?

—How prepared were you to handle a sex life as an unmarried adult?

—If your spouse has died or you are divorced, do you plan to marry again, or do you simply want a companion?

—What has brought you the most success meeting suitable partners — friends, work, clubs or something else?

—Does commitment to your sexual partner increase or decrease your sexual pleasure?

—Are you or do you plan to be sexually faithful to your sexual partner?

Whew.

Hope you're revved up from working your brain. I bet you'll be thinking about your answers for a while. Next month, I'm going to pop the questions again. Promise. So rest up and write in. In the meantime, promise me you'll make each day of the new year warm and loving.

Have a question for Susan? Send it to her in care of this newspaper or online at www.creators.com.