A Rare Time by Susan Deitz on Creators.com

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A Rare Time

DEAR SUSAN: I truly appreciated your column on spending time wisely; the subject is so pertinent to my life right now that I've attached it to the refrigerator. I've been divorced for two months after a separation of two years and a marriage of 20 years. I have three children. Two are at college, and my 16-year-old daughter is still at home. Adding to the many changes in my life is a long-desired master's degree. Lately, I've been dabbling in the online dating arena and have met a few nice, interesting men, only to have things fall apart after the first two or three dates. In spite of all the advice given to me by friends and family, I've found myself thinking compulsively about having a partner. This column has been so helpful, reminding me that I already have a wonderful life and can use my time any way I choose and that I'm far better off using it in ways that allow me to become more familiar with and to nurture this person that I am.

Again, thank you for your words of wisdom and experience. I know that I am but one of thousands of your readers who find guidance and support in each column. — Rhonda F., Long Island, N.Y.

DEAR RHONDA: Some kudos goes to yours truly — much appreciated — but the real praise must go to you. After all, my words have power only when they are put into action. And it's your decision to use your personal power to do just that! The same can be said for your sincere appreciation of the life you have, choosing to count its blessings. In a way, it's easier to choose the downbeat path and see the world darkly. It takes gumption and effort to defy those demons. You're taking the road less traveled and reaping the rewards. Believe me; that choice will become part of your personality and is bound to have positive effects in your personal universe — and well beyond — especially when it comes to your most precious possession: time. This single space in your life can teach you not to stuff precious moments with meaningless clutter — people and projects — and that time with self can indeed have great meaning.

(Come to think of it, handling time is a bit like handling money; it takes a heap of living to learn how to wisely allocate both.) Without a doubt, singleness (lived right) is an education. Welcome to the schoolhouse.

VALENTINE PIZZA. Through an online poll, WorstPizza.com has found that 63 percent of couples this year have decided to stay in for Valentine's Day. The top five date ideas for them are: 1) Scavenger hunt. 2) Re-create your first date. 3) Homemade heart-shaped pizza. 4) Write 100 romantic ideas on 100 pieces of paper, and fill a jar with them. Every Sunday from this day on, pick one and have your significant other implement it by the following Sunday. 5) Spend the entire night together with family.

The Pizza Expert is known as "Lapp," and his goal is to travel the world in search of the best pizza. He shares his ratings of different pizzas on WorstPizza.com. Going beyond the "college dorm box pizza," he looks for real restaurant pizza with high standards of quality.

DEAR SUSAN: My husband is 59 years old and confined to a nursing home. He's been progressively ill for a number of years, and my role has changed from wife to caregiver and now guardian. I am told he has about one year to live. I am very lonely and long to once again be in a relationship with a man. I am torn about what to do. Could you help me? — Pamela F., Moline, Ill.

DEAR PAMELA: The best help I can offer is to guide you to a counselor, a professional who can give you emotional support on a most personal issue. Only you can weigh the pros and cons of socializing — and perhaps dating — because the questions that arise can only be resolved by you. Most certainly, all the questions need to be answered by you alone. But there must be two people in the dialogue, and the optimal person is a therapist. In that room of truth, where there is no one to overhear or judge, truths emerge without fear. Surprises, too, will be spoken — thoughts you weren't aware of, feelings long suppressed. Because your situation is complex, someone should be with you when you search for the only answers that matter. I suggest you begin interviewing therapists.

Write to Susan Deitz in care of this newspaper. She will answer all letters that come with a self-addressed, stamped envelope. Or you may e-mail her at info@creators.com.