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Dreams of "What If?"
Dear Margo: I'm a 20-something woman engaged to the best man I've ever known. I am beyond ecstatic to be getting married. My problem has nothing to do with him and everything to do with a guy who was one of my best friends in college. This guy and I …Read more.
Afraid of Little Girls
Dear Margo: Between the ages of 6 and 10, I was severely bullied, but I was given the impression by grownups that such behavior was perfectly normal for children and I shouldn't be so sensitive. (I now realize they probably did not pay attention to …Read more.
Every Problem Does Not Have a Solution
Dear Margo: Many years ago, I got a call informing me that my son was arrested and being held on $1 million bail. That was when I first learned that he is a pedophile.
He has just completed his 20-year prison sentence, and during that time I learned …Read more.
When You Live on a One-Way Street
Dear Margo: My patience has run out with the three living members of my family. My father, his mother and my brother have gone through periods of not talking to each other or to me. My brother wants nothing to do with my father or our grandmother, …Read more.
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Good To Go
Dear Margo: My father recently got a diagnosis of stage-four liver cancer. He is adamant that he wishes to die at home. In addition to needing information about how this can be arranged, I have now started thinking about my own health and wishes. I am considering an advance directive for if I become seriously ill. How can I talk to my family about this without upsetting them? — Wanting a Plan
Dear Want: My mother had what your father wants: hospice at home. This can be arranged through hospitals or hospice care centers. There is a certain naturalness and comfort to doing things this way.
As for your own situation, I believe everyone should have an advance directive or living will long before it is needed. That way, no one can make your decisions for you. Because of your father's situation, bringing up your own wishes will seem quite logical. It's a terrible shame when people who know they don't want heroic measures at the end are subjected to all manner of interventions.
A group called Compassion and Choices has an excellent free "toolkit" for preparing advance directives, which can be downloaded from the website www.compassionandchoices.org (select "care" tab, then "planning for the future"). This group can also guide you in implementing your father's wishes. They offer advice, options and information about end-of-life choices. A peaceful and dignified death is everyone's right. Compassion and Choices will happily talk to anyone, with counselors available free of charge at 1-800- 247-7421. — Margo, reassuringly
Putting Imaginary Fingers in Your Ears
Dear Margo: I am a 29-year-old woman recently married to the love of my life. I just finished a postgraduate degree and am looking for work in my field. We are living with his parents because we can't get our own place on his salary and I am unemployed.
The problem: I'm finding it increasingly difficult to live with them. They've been so generous, which makes me feel guilty, but I'm at the point where I don't even want to talk to them. They are controlling and not at all warm — the complete opposite of my family. I've never once heard them tell my husband they love him; they argue all the time; they push my husband (and by extension, me) to do what they want. For example, they open his bank statements, tell him what he shouldn't eat as a snack and put him down by making comments about his clothes and weight (neither of which is a problem) under the guise of being "helpful."
They told us we should live with them for at least three years (!) because it will help us save for a house. Margo, we don't know where we want to live ultimately and don't want to buy anytime soon. I'm at my wits' end. Moving out now isn't an option, but tell me how I can cope with this until we do. I should also mention that my husband is from a different country, so I am away from all of my friends and family and have basically no support network here. — Drifting and Abroad
Dear Drift: Ah, the different country element adds another piece to your puzzlement, but to be fair, those kinds of parents are in the USA, as well. As a coping mechanism, I would suggest a couple of things. One is to "encourage" your husband, who sounds somewhat passive, to have a talk with them explaining the concept of "privacy" and suggesting that their "suggestions" are making you uncomfortable — being so different from what you've experienced within your own family. To you, I would suggest tuning them out. "Stay for at least three years" can be met with "Mmmm." Make it your game to filter what they say through your new mantra: "I don't think so." — Margo, automatically
Dear Margo is written by Margo Howard, Ann Landers' daughter. All letters must be sent via the online form at www.creators.com/dearmargo. Due to a high volume of e-mail, not all letters will be answered.
COPYRIGHT 2012 MARGO HOWARD
DISTRIBUTED BY CREATORS.COM
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Comments
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22 Comments | Post Comment
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LW2 - You need to separate the issues you're facing, and address them individually.
One: you say that moving out isn't an option. That's not true. What would you do if his parents weren't there to help out? You'd find some way to live on your own. It might involve moving to a part of town in which rents are more affordable, or renting a house then taking in boarders to help cover the rent, or even getting public assistance, but you would find a way. This means you can NOW. Stop making the "we can't do it because it's too expensive" excuse and move out now. If you don't, the three years may turn to five, six, or ten.
If you don't move now, accept the fact that you are DECIDING to stay, not forced to.
Two: If you do make the DECISION to stay, work on your own attitudes. Your husband may be from a culture in which love is expressed more by sharing one's home and resources, than with words or smiles. Learn about his culture and about his parents. Stop comparing them to yours. They sound like compassionate, if not demonstrative, people.
Again, if this is unbearable, to back to point "one" and move NOW. I suspect that what's really bothering you isn't that his parents aren't your idea of Ozzie and Harriet parents. It's that starting out married life under your husband's parent's roof, is not what you had in mind for "happily ever after." So again, stop with the excuses and move.
Comment: #1
Posted by: sarah morrow
Fri Feb 3, 2012 10:45 PM
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LW1: While Margo gave some good information, she didn't answer the LW's question which was "How can I talk to my family about this without upsetting them?"
The first thing to remember is that you don't have to tell the entire world about your choices unless you want to. Chose a relative or two that you trust to handle things in a trustworthy manner and after you have decided what you want (call Margo's suggestion?), call them and ask them to meet you for coffee, drinks, whatever. Then you just tell them what you have done. Before you meet them though, have the legal stuff taken care of and the particulars figured out.
By the way, this is not something you do, file away and forget about. My will is something that I revisit every year at the beginning of the year. Things change. For example, when I first wrote my will, my daughter was a minor, so I had provisions for her care if I died before she turned 18. Now she's an adult, the will changes. I also have all my email accounts and online sites with passwords etc listed in my will so that my administrator can shut those accounts down and/or inform people on the site that I am gone. If the passwords change, the will is modified. Started my business, modified the partnership... changed the will. With life changes, the will changes. Setting aside time every year to go over the will doesn't take a lot of time, but it keeps it current.
As for upsetting your relatives, I wouldn't worry about that too much if you chose the right people to tell. My brother is a lawyer, so he's my administrator and he handles this kind of thing every day. Talking to him about my will had the opposite effect: he was relieved that I had thought about things to the extent that I had. The alternative would have been for HIM to make those decisions for me without really knowing what I want and that would have been way more stressful for him. Chose trustworthy and reliable people and make sure that everyone knows who your administrator is in the event you are with someone else and something happens.
Comment: #2
Posted by: nanchan
Sat Feb 4, 2012 3:15 AM
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LW2: When I married my husband, we lived in Japan, and my inlaws were much like the LWs. Luckily for me, we had our own place, but my husband worked for his parents so they were in our faces all the time and ultimately it contributed to the end of our marriage.
LW: your first problem is finding a support system since you are not close to your family or friends. This will help take your focus off the situation at home and give you a safe haven to go to vent. Almost all cities have an international center: that's where I met many people from the US when I was away. That was before the internet and Facebook: I'm sure if you really tried, you could find people that you can relate to on the web. In the city I lived in, I also found a support group for foreign people who were married to Japanese. These people helped me not only by giving me that safe haven, but also to find work.
Many countries have limits on what jobs foreigners can do so find out if there are any legal limits restraining you from getting a job in your advanced degree. Depending on where you got your degree, that can also affect your ability to get a job. Last week, I talked to a cab driver who had been a doctor in his home country, here he drives a cab. Sad but true. You may have to realize that you won't get the job you desire right away and take another job in the interim. Heck, people in the US with degrees are doing that right now, so it's not unusual.
I saved the real problem for last because it's so big. I know how you feel, LW. I too was married to the "Love of my life" but realized too late that he could not leave the clutches of his family. The fact that your husband allows his parents to treat him in an infantile manner may be cultural thing but more likely it's a character flaw. And it won't go away when you move out of the house. Your in laws will come to your house, butt in with parenting decisions when you have children, etc. In my case, my inlaws would come to our apartment when we weren't home to snoop and that's just a small part of the story. My point here is that the real issue is your husband and the fact that he allows this stuff to happen. People like your inlaws (and mine) are generous with things like money as a form of control and your husband isn't strong enough to stand up to them.
It's beyond time for a discussion about this with your husband. If he insists that you stay with his parents for the next three years and doesn't see a problem with the way you are living, then in my opinion, you are in real trouble.
Comment: #3
Posted by: nanchan
Sat Feb 4, 2012 3:50 AM
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nanchan, there is a difference between a will and an advance directive or living will - which is what the LW was discussing. a Living Will or advance directive addresses medical issues - whether or not to resuscitate or maintain on life support or force-feed, etc. It is a totally separate document from a will. One thing on which we do agree, however, is that both documents should be maintained up-to-date. Not everyone can afford to prepare a new will or codicil annually, but it IS necessary with any change in circumstance - at minimum. The Living Will or advance directive is given to your medical services provider and made a part of your medical history, so you can see why it is important that it is kept current (you may no longer have the same type of relationship with the person you earlier indicated should make medical decisions if you're incapacitated); a copy of that Living Will should be with both your attorney And your closest family members.
Comment: #4
Posted by: graham072442
Sat Feb 4, 2012 5:51 AM
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nanchan, there is a difference between a will and an advance directive or living will - which is what the LW was discussing. a Living Will or advance directive addresses medical issues - whether or not to resuscitate or maintain on life support or force-feed, etc. It is a totally separate document from a will. One thing on which we do agree, however, is that both documents should be maintained up-to-date. Not everyone can afford to prepare a new will or codicil annually, but it IS necessary with any change in circumstance - at minimum. The Living Will or advance directive is given to your medical services provider and made a part of your medical history, so you can see why it is important that it is kept current (you may no longer have the same type of relationship with the person you earlier indicated should make medical decisions if you're incapacitated); a copy of that Living Will should be with both your attorney And your closest family members.
Comment: #5
Posted by: graham072442
Sat Feb 4, 2012 5:52 AM
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nanchan, there is a difference between a will and an advance directive or living will - which is what the LW was discussing. a Living Will or advance directive addresses medical issues - whether or not to resuscitate or maintain on life support or force-feed, etc. It is a totally separate document from a will. One thing on which we do agree, however, is that both documents should be maintained up-to-date. Not everyone can afford to prepare a new will or codicil annually, but it IS necessary with any change in circumstance - at minimum. The Living Will or advance directive is given to your medical services provider and made a part of your medical history, so you can see why it is important that it is kept current (you may no longer have the same type of relationship with the person you earlier indicated should make medical decisions if you're incapacitated); a copy of that Living Will should be with both your attorney And your closest family members.
Comment: #6
Posted by: graham072442
Sat Feb 4, 2012 5:54 AM
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nanchan, there is a difference between a will and an advance directive or living will - which is what the LW was discussing. a Living Will or advance directive addresses medical issues - whether or not to resuscitate or maintain on life support or force-feed, etc. It is a totally separate document from a will. One thing on which we do agree, however, is that both documents should be maintained up-to-date. Not everyone can afford to prepare a new will or codicil annually, but it IS necessary with any change in circumstance - at minimum. The Living Will or advance directive is given to your medical services provider and made a part of your medical history, so you can see why it is important that it is kept current (you may no longer have the same type of relationship with the person you earlier indicated should make medical decisions if you're incapacitated); a copy of that Living Will should be with both your attorney And your closest family members.
Comment: #7
Posted by: graham072442
Sat Feb 4, 2012 5:55 AM
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LW2-Here's a thought to help establish some privacy: can you not set up important documents like bank statements to arrive electronically? Set up a new email address to ensure the in-laws can't access them.
I wish you the best and hope things work out.
Comment: #8
Posted by: LibraryKat
Sat Feb 4, 2012 6:10 AM
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@graham072442
I'll bet you did not post 4 copies of the same comment. Recently a comment of mine appeared 3 times, and on several occasions appeared twice, tho I'm careful to input the Captcha and touch "Post Message" only once. No blame for double (triple, more!) postings.
Comment: #9
Posted by: Claude
Sat Feb 4, 2012 6:52 AM
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LW1--I agree with Margo that it's logical, given your father's situation, for you to explore your own end-of-life options. My advice is to talk to an attorney who specializes in living wills, etc., and get everything in writing. It will also be helpful to confide in a trusted family member or friend or even legally appoint this person to execute your wishes should you yourself be unable to do so. Finally, I always recommend that people gather and organize important documents such as bank accounts, stocks, contracts, a list of on-line account user names and passwords, keys to safe-deposit boxes, etc. in a clearly marked binder so that those left to untangle the administrative minutia of your life have as easy a time as possible.
LW2--Get a place of your own, yesterday! Even if you and your husband must rent a cheap flat in a less than desirable part of town, it would be preferable to living with these passive aggressive control freaks who clearly lack boundaries. While part of their behavior can be chalked up to culture differences, that doesn't change the fact that you're uncomfortable and miserable. (What does your husband say about all this?) Just because you can't find a job in your field, doesn't mean you can't work. Take something part time, even if a menial job, to help offset rent and utilities until you find something more permanent. Until you move, begin to gently but firmly assert yourself and set boundaries. Also get a post-office box and have your private mail forwarded there. As for the comments directed at your husband, it's up to him to get a backbone and remind mom and dad that he's a married man capable of choosing his own meals and making his own financial decisions. Whatever you decide to do, do it soon for your own sanity and before your relationship with your in-laws is permanently damaged.
Comment: #10
Posted by: Chris
Sat Feb 4, 2012 8:13 AM
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Re: Chris
Your response to LW2 doesn't reflect the fact that the LW lives overseas. This changes things DRASTICALLY. For example, our first apartment in Japan (not Tokyo, and on the outskirts of town) was less than the size of my American living room (and yes, this included a shower, toilet stall, and kitchen) yet was THREE TIMES the cost I had been paying in West LA for a two bedroom/two bathroom apartment. And at the time (I'm not sure if it still the case), we were not allowed to live in certain buildings because I am not Japanese.
Also, as indicated in my post above, there is a strong chance that the LW just can't run out and get any old job. Many countries, including the US place limitations on jobs that foreigners can do. The fact she is married to a local helps (she doesn't require visa sponsorship) but still doesn't get around the fact that some countries don't allow foreigners to do certain jobs. In my case, in Japan, foreign women who lived in Japan were pretty restricted to working either in a bar or as English teachers. The LW might look into starting her own informal English teaching business (depending on what country she is in). I did that for YEARS, it was a blast and I got to learn a lot about the culture in Japan as well. Oh man, the stories I could tell... but suffice it to say that my students taught me as much as I taught them. They were also invaluable in helping me find resources: when I was pregnant with my daughter, most of the hospitals in Japan would not allow me to give birth in their hospitals because I am a foreigner, and very few allowed the father in the delivery room. One of my students went over and above the call of duty and found me a hospital where both my husband and I could be together to welcome our daughter: ironically it was ran by a woman doctor as well (another thing I wanted and women doctors were rare in Japan) so it was a win win for all of us. I would strongly urge the LW to look into that as an option for employment: the bonus is you set your own hours and can teach anything you want. One of my most popular (and lucrative) classes was for housewives who wanted to learn American cooking. I would get about 10 women in my house (or we'd go to one of the student's houses) once a month and I'd teach an American dish (using all ingredients from a regular grocery store). it was a BLAST and I had a waiting list for these classes since housewives get the word out pretty quickly.
As for the backbone part: I agree with you on that. It is the husband's duty to defend his wife's interests with his parents. If he doesn't try to mend the gap between them, the marriage is doomed.
Comment: #11
Posted by: nanchan
Sat Feb 4, 2012 9:26 AM
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Re: Chris
Your response to LW2 doesn't reflect the fact that the LW lives overseas. This changes things DRASTICALLY. For example, our first apartment in Japan (not Tokyo, and on the outskirts of town) was less than the size of my American living room (and yes, this included a shower, toilet stall, and kitchen) yet was THREE TIMES the cost I had been paying in West LA for a two bedroom/two bathroom apartment. And at the time (I'm not sure if it still the case), we were not allowed to live in certain buildings because I am not Japanese.
Also, as indicated in my post above, there is a strong chance that the LW just can't run out and get any old job. Many countries, including the US place limitations on jobs that foreigners can do. The fact she is married to a local helps (she doesn't require visa sponsorship) but still doesn't get around the fact that some countries don't allow foreigners to do certain jobs. In my case, in Japan, foreign women who lived in Japan were pretty restricted to working either in a bar or as English teachers. The LW might look into starting her own informal English teaching business (depending on what country she is in). I did that for YEARS, it was a blast and I got to learn a lot about the culture in Japan as well. Oh man, the stories I could tell... but suffice it to say that my students taught me as much as I taught them. They were also invaluable in helping me find resources: when I was pregnant with my daughter, most of the hospitals in Japan would not allow me to give birth in their hospitals because I am a foreigner, and very few allowed the father in the delivery room. One of my students went over and above the call of duty and found me a hospital where both my husband and I could be together to welcome our daughter: ironically it was ran by a woman doctor as well (another thing I wanted and women doctors were rare in Japan) so it was a win win for all of us. I would strongly urge the LW to look into that as an option for employment: the bonus is you set your own hours and can teach anything you want. One of my most popular (and lucrative) classes was for housewives who wanted to learn American cooking. I would get about 10 women in my house (or we'd go to one of the student's houses) once a month and I'd teach an American dish (using all ingredients from a regular grocery store). it was a BLAST and I had a waiting list for these classes since housewives get the word out pretty quickly.
As for the backbone part: I agree with you on that. It is the husband's duty to defend his wife's interests with his parents. If he doesn't try to mend the gap between them, the marriage is doomed.
Comment: #12
Posted by: nanchan
Sat Feb 4, 2012 9:28 AM
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Well, you married a man from a different country, and probably a different culture, too. The fact that the parents don't tell him they don't love him is meaningless. They wanted both of you to live with them is the demonstration that they love him. Don't dwell on it. As for opening bank statements, that's an unbelievable invasion of privacy, but it can easily be remedied by going to the bank and stopping the mail. Have you ever heard of e-statements?? Look into it. Meanwhile, hold your tongue, save your money and get the hell out of there the fast as you can. I agree with Nanchan, if this man can't defend his wife OR himself, man, this marriage is totally doomed.
Comment: #13
Posted by: happymom
Sat Feb 4, 2012 11:25 AM
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LW1: I think the reason the LW is worried about upsetting her family is because many people think that preparing for death (with a will, a living will, whatever), is "tempting fate". Again, (I've written this before), everyone with any sense knows that NOT preparing for death is "tempting fate"! Pretending you're never going to die usually ends up being a huge mistake. I don't know if that helps the writer in broaching the subject, but maybe there's something helpful in that angle.
Comment: #14
Posted by: Steve C
Sat Feb 4, 2012 2:32 PM
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I don't agree with Margo that LW 1's father's situation makes it a good time to bring up their own wishes. If I were her family, I would feel like I was having a hard enough time dealing with my husband/fathers impending death, I wouldn't want to take about somebody elses.
I know that anything can happen at any time, and maybe the LW feels like they can't wait, but then they should do what nanchan said re: making the legal plans and just telling a few people. They can inform the rest of the family after they have had chance to grieve over her father.
Comment: #15
Posted by: C Meier
Sat Feb 4, 2012 5:26 PM
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LW2-Have your bank statements delivered to a P.O. x, and don't tell me that it won't work. You don't have a choice. If they give you orders, just stand your ground and say NO! Case closed. And here's nother tip; don't even think about having a child with him until you have your own place. Get an I.U.D. pronto!
Comment: #16
Posted by: Roger
Sun Feb 5, 2012 12:43 AM
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LW2-Have your bank statements delivered to a P.O. x, and don't tell me that it won't work. You don't have a choice. If they give you orders, just stand your ground and say NO! Case closed. And here's nother tip; don't even think about having a child with him until you have your own place. Get an I.U.D. pronto!
Comment: #17
Posted by: Roger
Sun Feb 5, 2012 12:44 AM
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Re: C Meier
That's a really good point. The family may be under too much stress at the moment to want to deal with this right now, but that's not to say the LW can't get her ducks in a row and then approach her family members at a better time.
Then again, in some cases, the situation can lend itself to discuss the issues right away, even while mourning. For example, when my father died, it was natural for us to discuss with our mother what she wanted. Part of this was because my father's situation was so chaotic and put us in so much stress, mom didn't want us to go through that with her. Losing Dad also pushed me to write my will with by brother as my administrator.
So I guess it depends, but you have a great point. The LW should gauge how the people would take her plan for herself and then act accordingly.
Comment: #18
Posted by: nanchan
Sun Feb 5, 2012 4:41 AM
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Re: C Meier
That's a really good point. The family may be under too much stress at the moment to want to deal with this right now, but that's not to say the LW can't get her ducks in a row and then approach her family members at a better time.
Then again, in some cases, the situation can lend itself to discuss the issues right away, even while mourning. For example, when my father died, it was natural for us to discuss with our mother what she wanted. Part of this was because my father's situation was so chaotic and put us in so much stress, mom didn't want us to go through that with her. Losing Dad also pushed me to write my will with by brother as my administrator.
So I guess it depends, but you have a great point. The LW should gauge how the people would take her plan for herself and then act accordingly.
Comment: #19
Posted by: nanchan
Sun Feb 5, 2012 4:41 AM
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LW1-
The situation with your father makes your own self-questioning and consequent broaching of the subject much more relevant than if it came out of the blue. So use this as an opportunity to set up your own plans, and tell your children/heirs about it matter-of-factly. Considering the circumstances, chances are that they won't make a big upsetting drama out of this, unless you yourself treat it that way.
LW2-
What are your husband's feelings about this? Does he object to the henpecking or is this normal to him? If it is, then your only option is to bite the bullet, grin and bear it because you won't have him on your side if you make a big deal out of it. There may be a cultural element to this - different folks, different strokes.
Whatever the case, while you live under their roof, there isn't a lot you can do. Try to remind yourselves of what they ARE doing for you even if it comes with binding strings attached.
Until moving out becomes an option, you can only :
a) Learn about their culture. There may be some misundertandings present.
b) Learn to tune out what really annoys you.
c) Develop a number of non-confrontational, neutral dead-end, standardised responses - "Yes, mother." "Thanks for the help, mother" That's nice, mother." We'll see."
d) Consider that many cultures outside the US expects the woman to be very subservient, especially the wife of a son living in HIS parents' house. They will quite consider there is something wrong with YOU is you object being considered as a mere added hand to help take care of him.
e) Do remind yourself that, in THEIR own home, they will reign supreme.
f) Redouble your efforts to find a job.
g) Try to biuld yourself a support system. Call the embassy, ask them if there are some cultural1religious/cports/specific activities groups for expats of your nationality.
P.S.: Don't have any children until you're out of there, lest they pull a complete take-over about that too - among other good reasons.
Comment: #20
Posted by: Lise Brouillette
Sun Feb 5, 2012 1:38 PM
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LW1-
The situation with your father makes your own self-questioning and consequent broaching of the subject much more relevant than if it came out of the blue. So use this as an opportunity to set up your own plans, and tell your children/heirs about it matter-of-factly. Considering the circumstances, chances are that they won't make a big upsetting drama out of this, unless you yourself treat it that way.
LW2-
What are your husband's feelings about this? Does he object to the henpecking or is this normal to him? If it is, then your only option is to bite the bullet, grin and bear it because you won't have him on your side if you make a big deal out of it. There may be a cultural element to this - different folks, different strokes.
Whatever the case, while you live under their roof, there isn't a lot you can do. Try to remind yourselves of what they ARE doing for you even if it comes with binding strings attached.
Until moving out becomes an option, you can only :
a) Learn about their culture. There may be some misundertandings present.
b) Learn to tune out what really annoys you.
c) Develop a number of non-confrontational, neutral dead-end, standardised responses - "Yes, mother." "Thanks for the help, mother" That's nice, mother." We'll see."
d) Consider that many cultures outside the US expects the woman to be very subservient, especially the wife of a son living in HIS parents' house. They will quite consider there is something wrong with YOU is you object being considered as a mere added hand to help take care of him.
e) Do remind yourself that, in THEIR own home, they will reign supreme.
f) Redouble your efforts to find a job.
g) Try to biuld yourself a support system. Call the embassy, ask them if there are some cultural1religious/cports/specific activities groups for expats of your nationality.
P.S.: Don't have any children until you're out of there, lest they pull a complete take-over about that too - among other good reasons.
Comment: #21
Posted by: Lise Brouillette
Sun Feb 5, 2012 1:38 PM
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Hello: I am a senior citizen, had a middle class upbringing, have a graduate degree and am a combat veteran.
Re. your Boston Globe column of today, I sincerely hope your personal advice to the 9th grader concerned with their contemporaries' dealing drugs to turn them in to authorities included the word "anonymously". The dealer may be just a wayward youth amenable to rehabilitation, but their drug source might well be a truly hardened killer who will avenge any whistle blowing in a truly horrific fashion. Ask any street smart police officer.
Comment: #22
Posted by: Larry Lapham Jr.
Tue Feb 7, 2012 8:09 AM
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