Dear Mr. Berko: I've been reading this enclosed advertising in USA Today for a couple of months about the gold clad Presidential dollar coin. They are offering, on a first-come first-serve basis, all 72 state coins in special case sets for $225. I'm maxed out on my credit card so would use my daughter's credit card. I'm thinking of buying some 72-coin sets for $225 each and because they are "highly prized" and gold clad. I think I could sell the coins for a good profit to some of the guys on my delivery route. What do you think of this idea? Also two of the guys I deliver restaurant food with and I have Vioxx suits in court and our lawyer tells us that we should each get about $10,000. Do you have any idea when the settlement will be reached? Some of us really need the money and we're getting anxious about this. Please let me know as soon as possible. — W.R.: Ann Arbor, Mich.

Dear W.R.: You are easily one of the reasons why our economy is in so much trouble. Don't you dare put $225 on your daughter's credit card to buy 72 presidential $1 coins with a $72 face value from those scheming promoters at The World Reserve Monetary Exchange. These conniving cads thrive on the naivete of meatheads like you and high-five each other tens of dozens times a day when a fish takes the bait from their deceptive advertising.

I don't know where you got the idea that this common coin has gold content, but I can unequivocally tell you that those coins don't have a single subatomic particle of the real yellow metal. And I'm flabbergasted that USA Today doesn't vet its advertisements. But like satellite radio, I guess USA Today is so hard up for advertising dollars that it accepts anything as long as it doesn't violate Christian ethics, such as pornography, coprophagus language and family values.

Those presidential dollar coins are uncirculated — not mint, which has some collectors value — and are as common as ragweed at rural sites and vacant lots. Gad, don't you know that even at the Salvation Army there's no such thing as a free lunch? I guess they don't teach that stuff in school but they devote lots of time teaching dance theory, home decorating, TV appreciation, gay literature, finger painting, rap music history, kite flying, aerobics, etc.

Now read my lips: "I don't think the people on your delivery truck route are as dumb as you." If those coins were really in high demand then why has the USA Today been running full-page advertisements for The World Reserve Monetary Exchange every day for the past 9 months? The following quote says it all. "A sucker is born every minute." — P.T. Barnum. What's more, a con artist is born every hour to make sure no sucker is spared." I hope your daughter hasn't inherited your "stupid" gene.

Meanwhile, don't hold your breath waiting for Merck & Co. (MRK-$28.28) to send you a $10,000 check. Michigan's Medicaid program spent $70 million on Vioxx, which was pulled off the market in 2004, for Medicaid patients as a treatment for arthritis. I don't know where your shyster lawyer got that $10,000 number, but I suspect he pulled it out of his nose.

Michigan and five other states have suits pending in the U.S. District Court in New Orleans that controls the bulk of this massive Vioxx litigation. The litigation includes a $5 billion settlement that will put an end to the 50,000 thousand plus lawsuits brought by you and others alleging that Vioxx caused heart attacks. But, I wonder, if you are working as a truck driver delivering food products to restaurants in Ann Arbor, what damage did you suffer from Vioxx while you were a Medicaid patient?

I take Vioxx for arthritis and I'm still taking it. It's the best product on the market and the only one that provides me with significant relief. Fortunately, I managed to get my hands on a substantial supply of 100mg tablets before Merck took Vioxx off the market. I've got about a year's supply remaining and when I have to replenish, it's probably going to cost me about $4 a pill because tens of thousand of unaffected folks like you helped force it off the market.

Please address your financial questions to Malcolm Berko, P.O. Box 1416, Boca Raton, FL 33429 or e-mail him at malber@comcast.net. To find out more about Malcolm Berko and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

COPYRIGHT 2008 CREATORS SYNDICATE, INC.

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