Q. I'm in desperate need of some advice regarding my 18-year-old son. He's a senior in high school and I found out today that he has a 67 percent in one class and a 70 percent in another; these are his only two required classes this year. The other classes are electives, and he's not doing great in those either. He's been skipping school and lying to his father and me about a lot of things.

I don't believe that drugs or alcohol are his problems, just lying. I've informed him that his text messaging is being suspended and his father, whom he lives with, is restricting him to work and school only.

Our son has had these problems since he began high school. No matter what we do, he continues to lie. Should we seek professional help? Is there a medication that helps with this?

A. Since you've discovered your son lies continuously, and also underachieves dramatically, I wonder how you can be sure that he's not using alcohol or drugs. While keeping him on a work-study plan can help you identify his whereabouts, and may even permit him to graduate high school, no medication is likely to cure his lying. Your son needs counseling, and you and his dad need some advice on how to identify why he's lying and what you can do to help him redirect his life. He's legally an adult and that may limit how you can guide him, but I suggest you get him help as soon as possible.

For free newsletters about growing up too fast for high schoolers or about underachievement, send a large, self-addressed, stamped envelope to P.O. Box 32, Watertown, WI 53094, or go to www.sylviarimm.com for more parenting information.

Brothers Need Sports And Games

Q. I have two half-brothers ages 7 and 4, about 20 years younger than me. We've always had rough-and-tumble play, and these kids genuinely adore me. They're getting older and this play that wasn't so rough when they were tiny has gotten out of control. They've become way too aggressive with me. The last time I visited I had a cup of hot water kicked out of my hand, was jumped on, had my foot stomped on, was pinched pretty hard and was nearly pulled to the ground repeatedly. I try to make it clear when the behavior goes too far by saying that I've been hurt and then leave the room. When I return, things have calmed down, but eventually they return to the same level. After a couple of times, there's generally a meltdown because I won't come back to play. What do you recommend I do?

A. Your little brothers really love you and want to play with you, and you can teach them how to play appropriately. While roughhousing can be special fun and can actually be helpful for timid boys, for most boys it easily becomes too aggressive. If they're too rough with you, they'll surely become too rough with age-mates and that will only cause them problems on the playground.

You can help your brothers and enjoy them by changing their outdoor play to sports and their indoor play to games, building blocks, Legos or models. They'll enjoy the controlled fun and it will help their social skills with others. Be firm, and simply tell them that you no longer enjoy the roughhousing and won't do it anymore, but you'd love to throw some balls around or teach them some sports skills. They'll soon forget the other and will continue to love you and the more appropriate play.

For free newsletters about learning through play or about the positive effects of sports, send a large self-addressed, stamped envelope to P.O. Box 32, Watertown, WI 53094, or read other parenting articles at www.sylviarimm.com.

Dr. Sylvia B. Rimm is the director of the Family Achievement Clinic in Cleveland, Ohio, a clinical professor of psychiatry and pediatrics at the Case Western Reserve University School of Medicine, and the author of many books on parenting. More information on raising kids is available at www.sylviarimm.com. Please send questions to: Sylvia B. Rimm on Raising Kids, P.O. Box 32, Watertown, WI 53094 or srimm@sylviarimm.com. To read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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