DEAR SUSAN: I was widowed two years ago after 42 years of marriage. I've begun looking for men my age but can't find any who share my interests. I won a 28-foot cruiser, like to snorkel and enjoy my personal computer. Men my age seem so dull and ready to just sit around, but on the other hand I hesitate to even think of dating younger men. Any advice? — Diana S., Long Island, N.Y.

DEAR DIANA: Hesitate no more. You're free to consider any age group. And with the same name as the goddess of the hunt, your ability to pick and choose should pay off handsomely. Focus on similar interests, yes, but values are even more important to compatibility. Neither of them is even remotely connected to age! (Except in a most wonderful way.) Men of younger generations see women differently and encourage them to be more of who they are, outside of gender roles. This means younger men can be a liberating force in many areas of your life. After all, it makes more sense biologically to pair a woman your age with a fiftyish partner. Europeans have known that fact of life for eons. We're just getting around to it, but never better than late (pun intended)! And sex isn't the only part of a relationship that can be better with a young 'un; he can open up new vistas for you, while you can teach him a thing or two about snorkeling. (Is that a new name for it?) The world of boating is a natural for you to focus on, with whomever has a penchant for the water. Why should older men have an exclusive on the fun of skipping a generation or two? Mingle with compatible people, folks doing what you like to do, enjoying what you enjoy, with priorities and values that may well fall in line with yours. Following that game plan, odds are good that you'll come across some interesting men. Age? Don't make a big deal out of it. Chances are he won't. Why should you?

TO RISK FALLING IN LOVE. "No matter how well you think you know yourself or how orderly are your plans for your life, no matter how much control you think you have over your feelings or how disciplined you think you are, when you risk falling love you are in uncharted territory, and knowing how to take risks isn't going to help you very much.

"People fear falling in love because they fear getting close and being rejected, losing control or being hurt. And all those things happen to one degree or another when you fall in love. In purely descriptive terms love is a joyful madness where in the acute stage the logic seems removed from reason and other emotions are reduced to a single yearning — to be together. Lovers are capable of great idealism and attributing wonderful, if sometimes a bit exaggerated, qualities to each other. They act as if what they imagine about the other is true, and act deeply wounded when time or circumstances reveals their lover to be only mortal." — "Risking," by Dr. David Viscott

DEAR SUSAN: I am not happy in my current relationship, and I don't think she is, but there are so many things that seem to complicate the logical end, which is breaking up. How do you know when to end a relationship, and how do we start? — Hank A., Peoria, Ill.

DEAR HANK: You've already started. And happily, it's mutual. Almost. She too is sensing the end, but how she takes it is anyone's guess. You can bring it out into the open by starting to talk about it as if the relationship were in its final stage. Make it a quiet, friendly talk in a private setting. And be prepared to talk for a while so that both of you can spill the secret thoughts you've been unable to say out loud. Now is the time. Handle the situation the way you'd like her to handle it. This is a sad time, a time of hopes that didn't come to pass. Handled well, this could be the beginning of a friendship. Be as respectful of her feelings as you would want her to be of yours. There will be a time of mourning for what might have been. Expect that. Well-mourned, the relationship has a chance to be a closed book — with open pages. Handling the end of a relationship can be a growth experience and a life lesson that can ready you for another, deeper stage of togetherness. Oh, how I wish it to you.

Write to Susan Deitz c/o this newspaper. She will answer all letters that come with a self-addressed, stamped envelope. Or you may e-mail her at info@creators.com.

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