DEAR SUSAN: Many women complain to you that a boyfriend won't commit or won't get a divorce, that there are no good men out there, or all the guy wants is sex. The news is full of women being killed or badly roughed up by jealous ex-boyfriends. And yet they gravitate toward the bad boys — and when they try to leave the relationship, it makes headline news. The other day I asked a petite co-worker (with a hulking, brawny boyfriend) what it was she liked about him. She said he made her feel protected and safe.

I've been told I'm a mensch, I'm a great catch, I'll make a great husband. But these same women turned me down when I asked them out. (I should tell you I'm skinny, always have been skinny, and nothing makes me gain weight.) I've asked out petite women and women of average build. Women not of my religion. Women who had been friends with me. None of them wanted to take the time to get to know me better.

So now that I'm approaching my 61st year, never married, I am finished with the bother of asking. I am now a confirmed bachelor. I probably missed the opportunity of a lifetime when I didn't ask a high-school classmate out, but back then I couldn't afford even one movie ticket. Ever since, I've had narrow-minded women brush me off. Usually for the bad boys. — Jeff J., Long Island, N.Y.

DEAR JEFF: Since when is skinny a turnoff? You're world-weary, understandably, but far too young to hang up your jeans. (If you haven't heard, 60 is the new 40!) And you're definitely astute about the attraction that Bad Boys have — only for women who let pheromones chart their destiny, but a few simple steps might well change yours. For openers, join a gym with a personal trainer who knows about adding body bulk. Dedicate yourself to a routine of bodybuilding and healthy foods. Make this your top priority. Period. For a while, nothing else matters but your workouts. Start to budget your money — with heavy emphasis on this project. This is your goal, whether or not you marry, because it will bring good things (and people) into your life. Bit by bit, day by day, you'll feel more confident, and that's got to show. (I bet your co-worker with the Mr. Clean boyfriend notices.) More important, you'll like what you see in the mirror. This coming decade could well be the best one. Let me know how it's shaping up.

DEAR SUSAN: I'm 21, divorced, with one child. I recently started dating a really nice guy. He loves my daughter and me to death, and he wants me to move in with him. I'm not sure if I should. Do you have any suggestions? I would love to live with him, but I don't want the relationship rushed and then have it fall apart. My daughter does like him. — Sandra C., Tucson, Ariz.

DEAR SANDRA: She'll like him even better if this relationship makes him Daddy. Translated from Deitz-speak, that's advice to go slowly and proceed with caution. This is not the right time to be roommates. You have a young child in orbit, a large responsibility and a sacred trust. Your viscera are signaling NO, NOT YET. Best to listen to them now and whenever you need an opinion you can trust. Don't ever be talked out of your gut feeling by your intellect or an argument against it. As you take life day by day, listen to it for the right (and final) decision.

It isn't always possible to explain it because at times it's not easy to put into words. But stand your ground and go with your instinct. Your decision to wait and see is mature and wise, and this good man will respect you for it. If he doesn't — well, he's not the man for you two. He failed the test. Case closed.

Write to Susan Deitz c/o this newspaper. She will answer all letters that come with a self-addressed, stamped envelope. Or you may e-mail her at info@creators.com.

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