DEAR SUSAN: When I was in high school, I never could get up the nerve to ask guys out. Now I've graduated, and there's someone I'm interested in. I want to ask him out, but I'm nervous and unsure of myself. Do you advise asking him out, and if so, how do I go about it? — Rennie H., Long Island, N.Y.

DEAR RENNIE: Yes, Yes, a zillion times Yes. This is your time to move past the weakening fear that stands between you and getting what you want. (In this case it's a man, but the next time it could be work-related, i.e., a promotion.) It takes courage and a bit of risk to battle that fear, but it's the only way you'll have the life you want. No one can do it for you. And once you've felt your personal power, you won't want anyone but you to shape your life. So it's a smart move to leave life's waiting room, your safety zone, because nothing much can happen there. Asking my advice is a positive sign that you're (almost) ready to take a chance and reach out to the man of your choice.

But how to do it with minimum risk and maximum chance of success? Forget your romantic feelings for the moment, and focus on friendship. Start a conversation about the weekend football game, the season's baseball players. You start it, and let him take it from there. Make mental notes of his favorite teams, players and what he does on weekends. Again, not as prelude to a date, but as an interested buddy. (This strategy is as good for you as for him. Neither of you will feel awkward talking about non-mushy stuff.) A bit of preparation will help, too: Read the sports pages for a week; be up on subjects he relates to, and show enthusiasm. These talks might very well lead to a lunch date in the middle of the workday. Nothing romantic about that, right? Wrong!!! This is the way you can relax those guarded social manners. Small loss. Both of you will get to know (and like) the real person behind the businesslike facade. If this lunch does its job, you'll feel more comfortable with him and with yourself. Not entirely unexpected consequences.

SINGLEFILED. Yes, it's a word. A verb, actually, with a unique definition: If you, dear Reader, have been swayed by this advice column, if its message of making your singleness an incidental part of you while making the most of your individual strengths, consider yourself Singlefiled. If this corner of the unmarried community feels comfortable and easy, welcoming your input at every turn and offering suggestions and techniques for fuller enjoyment of single life, you can consider yourself Singlefiled. If you realize that your life is brighter, easier to manage, with fewer irritations and that you're getting up every morning more confident that you can handle what life tosses your way — you're being Singlefiled. You're on your way.

A NOTE TO SINGLE PARENTS. A wise reader has called attention to single profiles that may include photographs of small children with their single parents who are seeking partners. In the words of the reader: "I've seen single mothers posing next to their children in online profiles. This is unwise. Children should not be accessible to the world like that. There are those with nefarious intentions who may well go onto these singles sites and choose women for the sole purpose of gaining access to the child."

THIS IS FAIR WARNING: Keep your children out of your search for a mate. There are strange people with strange tastes in this world. And the Internet is wide open to them. As guardian of your children, a most sacred trust, you must be hyper-alert to dangerous possibilities. Far better to overprotect them than to take any degree of risk with their well-being.

Write to Susan Deitz c/o this newspaper. She will answer all letters that come with a self-addressed, stamped envelope. Or you may e-mail her at info@creators.com.

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