DEAR SUSAN: I have been working with men for 20 years, and I see that there is a movement to help them find the poet-warrior within. Neither the shell-hardened, emotionally withdrawn John Wayne, the man-with-no-name gunslinger Clint Eastwood, nor the soft, sensitive male is needed by women and the current challenges facing the world. We need warriors who will defend with their lives those who are vulnerable and weaker: the families, the elders, the children, the community. And I mean "with their lives" both literally and metaphorically because being true to oneself can require the death of a relationship, reputation, self-image or simply the disappointment of others. A true warrior must willingly put himself on the line for others.

We warriors also need a poet's soul to see the beauty and ugliness around us and still love life, still be able to feel the softness of a baby. We need to learn the art of nurturing men because a man nurtures another man quite differently than a woman does. We need men with courage to take their own journey to their inner demons in the company of other men — not alone. It is said that poets hold the door to insanity ajar; the courageous man faces his own insanity without succumbing to fear. Women have an incredible ability (by their words and actions) to lead us into that pain.

But it's up to us to find its deeper wisdom, a job that must be done with other men because our gender stands so alone. We need men who risk everything to defend others and their own truth, to take that fearful journey within. Women and children (and other men) desperately need the courage of these poet-warriors. — Brad P., Long Island, N.Y.

DEAR BRAD: Shout it from the mountaintops. Save the males! The truth is you're probing the very core of masculinity and finding it soft and malleable. Which augurs well in the realm of love and romance, those halcyon days.

But it also makes men a sidebar. While we women were working our way to equality, something odd (but most notable!) has been brewing. Men, those Mr. Wonderfuls, are backing and filling and apologizing all over the place for past indiscretions, most of which belong to another generation. Their confusion and insecurity over the woman who has been liberated makes them wobbly on their pins. The secret is, she's as puzzled as he is. Passive and mute for so long, she's also unsure about where she's going. But the male ego is particularly vulnerable to her vulnerability. What does she want from life? From me? How do I figure into her plans? Am I what she wants in a partner? His doubt undermines his virility (note soaring sales of Viagra). And for the first time, women are showing up at jazzy restaurants, their tables for two manless. They're buying homes and cars, good china and silver, taking pricey trips — all without marriage. But men are noticing, and their unease is conspicuous. Television commercials only add to it, depicting the father/husband as childlike and dependent. The strength goes to the woman of the household; she's the decider. Men see it, too, and they're not happy campers. Who can blame them? Society has tilted 180 degrees toward the female (could be because they hold the purse strings). But they're leaving the essence of manliness in the dust. Help save the males!

Dear Readers: There's so much to share (and learn) about this newly surfaced backlash that's sapping men's self-confidence and riddling their egos with doubts and insecurity. Let me know your personal experiences relating to the state of masculinity and virility. Any and all observations and opinions are very welcome in this space — as usual. (Your signature needn't accompany your letter.) I have a strong hunch we'll be chewing on this issue a long time. At least I hope so. From my perch in the single world, I can't imagine one that's more important to the happiness of us all.

Write to Susan Deitz c/o this newspaper. She will answer all letters that come with a self-addressed, stamped envelope. Or you may e-mail her at info@creators.com.

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