DEAR SUSAN: For the past five months, I've been dating a married college professor. We've become extremely close physically and emotionally. He says his marriage is going downhill and asks me to be patient.

I want to trust him, but I know that once a cheat always a cheat. I don't know whether I should wait for him or not. What advice do you have for me? — Olivia D., Long Island, N.Y.

DEAR OLIVIA: "Once a cheat always a cheat" says it all. Those are your words, from your heart, more honest than any physical or emotional closeness between you and this married man. They're telling you — out loud — that just beneath the facade of passion lies a huge vein of mistrust. Yours. It's so powerful that it won't allow you to continue playing the game. And that's going to save you from heartache and disillusion. You know very well that this isn't the first affair for the professor, and it may very well be the last for you. You sound like a smart cookie, Olivia, so don't settle for the crumbs of his affection, furtive and on the sly. You've got better things to do with your brainpower than to figure out a philanderer. You've awakened from your dream of perfect love. Greet the new day with a light heart and clear conscience. And resolve not to major in the geometry of romantic triangles.

POETS AND WARRIORS. You reacted to the letter about the qualities men must have in this new world where everything has changed (an understatement). The truth is, though, we women also need to do some soul-searching. Did I say some? I mean a lot! We must come to our senses and strive to incorporate the best elements of both warrior and poet. We need to perspire as well as inspire. We need to be all things to our sisters and to the men in our lives. We need to understand our fathers, our brothers, our uncles, our best friends (who might be men) and our employers, etc. We need to be on their side as well as our own. We need to work out our anger to the male, a feat accomplished by mining our resentments. And sometimes, just sometimes, we must be the one to make the first move, in friendship and good will. It doesn't matter who makes that move, as long as it happens. We can get along with each other in harmony and peace. How? By activating the poetic warrior in each of us.

DEAR SUSAN: I've been dating a wonderful woman for eight weeks. We get along fine, and she treats me so well. For the first time in my dating life, I can be myself. (Most of the others were materialistic or possessive.)

I can't help but wonder whether she's too good to be true. Will she stay her lovely self? I feel if things continue like this, I'll ask her to marry me in six months. What do you think? — Skip T., Cherry Hill, N.J.

DEAR SKIP: Why the timetable? She won't dissolve into thin air if you wait a while. That's a promise. If you trust her — and it seems you do — then trust the process of getting to know each other. Share togetherness during the day, in bright sunlight, after work, before breakfast, odd hours and offbeat times. Check out her family. Include her in your family's meals once in a while. Listen to her carefully. Be sure to give her the same freedom to be real. That's the ultimate turn-on, the glue of every good relationship. Laugh together, sob together in the movies. Tell her your most private secrets, and ask for hers. Take her to the carnival, to the park, to museums, to ballgames. Show each other what you're about. Above all, don't rush this. Yes, you've been hungering for such a woman, but time is your best friend. If it's as great as you think, it will only get better. If it's smoke and mirrors, well, sad, but life goes on. Give this promising relationship all the time and space it wants. A good thing can only get better. I wish it to you.

Write to Susan Deitz c/o this newspaper. She will answer all letters that come with a self-addressed, stamped envelope. Or you may e-mail her at info@creators.com.

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