DEAR SUSAN: I was recently laid off from a high-paying but unfulfilling job. Today I earn less money but am much happier in my new work, acting; it's really my first love. But I've noticed the reactions from women when they learn the once upwardly mobile exec is now a "starving artist." Their disinterest is glaring. What should I do about women like that? — Seth V., Long Island, N.Y.

DEAR SETH: Scratch them out of your phone book and run like your happiness depends on it. It does, you know. Right now, take a few minutes to imagine dating/living with/marrying a woman who looks down her nose at everything that makes you happy. Honestly, could you enjoy her company — even for a few hours? You'd want to talk about the world of acting, and she'd do the nose thing. Life is too short for self-inflicted misery. No, dear Seth, such women are best used as a litmus test. The moment you answer the eternal query What Do You Do? you'll sense her disinterest (as you've been doing) in a second. And even if her words pass muster, she'll have flunked your test, and you'll have saved yourself time and energy. But ah, the other ones! Truly, along with interests usually come values and tastes, the whole happy bundle wrapped in one person. That's the potential bonus of your litmus test, a continuum that's so strong and durable it bodes well for long-term love. Yes, there'll be hurts and disappointments along the way. Promising relationships that stop short of the finish line. That's part of the hurt-and-be-hurt ethos of the dating ritual. But don't lose sight of what's possible: a partner who shares your passion for drama, sharing your values and your tastes. It is possible.

"SINGLE FILE" THOUGHT: Partners in a loving relationship can inspire one another to live more fully and get more enjoyment from life.

That inspiration can bring out the best in each other — synergy that comes from a union based on respect and admiration. Yes, there are red-hot flashes of passion, but the even flow of mutuality forms the basis of their togetherness. This can occur only between augmenters, people whose self-acceptance enables them to lift their beloved into being more.

Their negative counterpart, the diminisher, seeks to bring a partner down to their level because they don't feel good about themselves. At the first whiff of this feel-bad person, disengage. Flee with your self-image intact, before you are infected with their misery and begin to give up the positive sense of self you've worked for and merit.

What you do cede in a love partnership is total sovereignty, total control willingly shared by both lovers and becoming a loving hybrid dedicated mutually to the greater good.

DEAR READERS: Some questions from my nationwide survey need to be aired again. They're just too universal to be tucked away in a sleeping leather folder. Like you and I, they deserve a second chance. For example:

— What would you tell a friend who is considering moving in with someone who hasn't mentioned the possibility of marriage?

— How is your family reacting to your single life?

— How do you feel about being unmarried?

— Why aren't you married?

— Have your ideas about commitment changed at all? In what ways?

— What are the advantages of being single? Do they outweigh those of marriage?

— Have you changed your definition of promiscuity (remember the word!) since you became single?

Send in your answers — your most personal responses — and I'll send a parchment copy of the Sexual Bill of Rights ASAP. (Remember to tuck in a stamped, self-addressed, long envelope.) This should stir the pot a bit.

Write to Susan Deitz c/o this newspaper. She will answer all letters that come with a self-addressed, stamped envelope. Or you may e-mail her at info@creators.com.

COPYRIGHT 2008 CREATORS SYNDICATE INC.