Linguists' version of a blonde joke:

A natural blonde, a paleoconservative and George H. W. Bush walk into a bar.

"Do you know what we all have in common?" the blonde asks the barkeep.

"You're all Republicans!" he replies.

"Nope," replies the blonde. "We're all retronyms."

Retro . . . what?

A "retronym" is a word created to distinguish an old object, concept or person from a new one. When liquid soap came along, for instance, regular soap was dubbed (actually, rubba-dub-dubbed) "bar soap" to distinguish it from the new kind. Likewise, computer searches spawned "eyeball searches" and bottled water uncorked "tap water."

And without bottle blondes, we'd have no "natural blondes," without neocons we'd have no "paleocons" (traditional conservatives), and without George W. Bush we'd have no George H. W. Bush, who was known simply as "George Bush" pre son-shine. (Of course, biologically speaking, without George H. W. Bush we'd have no George W. Bush.)

Technophobes like me love retronyms. The emergence of a retronym for a device I still use — "black and white TV," "land line" and "dial-up Internet" — fully certifies my dinosauric status. That's why I'm looking forward to Feb. 19, 2009, when full-power TV stations begin broadcasting in digital format only; it gives me the chance to savor the retronym for my old, rabbit-eared box — "analog TV."

Fast-changing technology has spawned retros galore: "terrestrial radio," necessitated by satellite radio; "broadcast TV" by cable TV; "full-frame format" by letterbox format; "desktop computer" by the laptop computer.

Retail retronyms and their protonyms include "brick-and-mortar store" ("online store"), "sit-down restaurant" ("fast food restaurant"), "skirt suit" ("pants suit"), "cloth diapers" ("disposable diapers"), "paper ticket" ("e-ticket"), "natural turf" ("artificial turf"); "single-wide trailer" ("double-wide trailer").

In sports, the popularity of water polo, recumbent bicycles and above-ground pools has produced "horse polo," "upright bicycles" and "in-ground pools." But if you really want a retro fest, try the "summer Olympics" in "mainland China" featuring "indoor volleyball" and "racquet tennis," courtesy of the winter Olympics, Taiwan, beach volleyball and table tennis, respectively.

Some retronyms simply repeat the name of the original. Tired of e-books? Read a "book-book." Don't want to tee off with a metal driver? Use a "wood-wood."

But perhaps the most depressing retronyms are those I see at the gas station: "full-service island" and "free air."

Rob Kyff, a teacher and writer in West Hartford, Conn., invites your language sightings. Send your reports of misuse and abuse, as well as examples of good writing, via e-mail to Wordguy@aol.com or by regular mail to Rob Kyff, Creators Syndicate, 5777 W. Century Blvd., Suite 700, Los Angeles, CA 90045. To find out more about Rob Kyff and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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