Parker, Colo. -- Land of Happy Mediums! by Rob Kyff on Creators.com

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Parker, Colo. -- Land of Happy Mediums!

From near and far come bloopers bizarre. Can you spot the errors?

1. "Parker, Colo., has one of the highest medium household incomes in the United States." Its fortunetellers are very wealthy. (Spotted by Christina Gore, Wichita, Kan.)

2. " ... big ticket items including an $80,000 road grater." Works well on roads that look like Swiss cheese. (Janice Mastriano, Hightstown, N.J.)

3. "He's going to sale around the world." In the merchant marine? (Henry Smith, East Hartford, Conn.)

4. "[A basketball team] … has become relevant in its own rite." It's almost a cult. (Wynn Sullivan, Pittsburgh)

5. "… a state entity that overseas seniority issues for public employees." Does it send their jobs abroad? (Moreland Houck, Trenton, N.J.)

6. "At the height of his rein, [Blackbeard] commanded a fleet of four ships." In the horse latitudes? (Charlie Duncan, Potsdam, N.Y.)

7. "For all intensive purposes, our new President, Barack Obama …" Well, he did overreact to Skip Gates' arrest. (Alan Clem, Vermillion, S.D.)

8. "Mr. Watters asked Gov. Jim Douglas of Vermont about that state's criminal statues." Some of them ARE carrying weapons. (Doris Griffith, Manchester, Conn.)

9. "Lavishly … quaffed, with hair that changed color with each episode …" I guess she drank the expensive stuff. (Lawrence Manion, Glenfield, N.Y.)

10.

"Appetizers include muscles in marinara." Cannibal's delight! (John Daigle, Vernon, Conn.)

11. "He's got to prove his meddle." Or at least that he can interfere just a little. (Lynn Bethke, Sioux Falls, S.D.)

12. This will keep our dyer needs on the front burner. A colorful expression! (Mark Lander, Old Lyme, Conn.)

13. "The newspapers were stalked up on the porch." Along with a lot of Jack's L. L. "Bean" catalogs. (Judy Beck, Sterling Heights, Mich.)

14. "[A driver] was charged with … aggravated alluding." Officer, please don't treat me like Jean Valjean or Raskolnikov! (Terry Vaughn, Gerretson, S.D.) 15. "People have demonized eggs and egg yokes." Well, they do make oxen's necks turn yellow. (Carol Fine, Bloomfield, Conn.)

Corrections:

1. highest median household incomes

2. road grader

3. sail around the world

4. own right

5. oversees seniority issues

6. height of his reign

7. all intents and purposes

8. criminal statutes

9. coifed or coiffed

10. mussels in marinara

11. prove his mettle

12. dire needs

13. stacked up

14. aggravated eluding

15. egg yolks

Rob Kyff, a teacher and writer in West Hartford, Conn., invites your language sightings. Send your reports of misuse and abuse, as well as examples of good writing, via e-mail to Wordguy@aol.com or by regular mail to Rob Kyff, Creators Syndicate, 5777 W. Century Blvd., Suite 700, Los Angeles, CA 90045. To find out more about Rob Kyff and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.